Misplaced

[blackcatkittycat]

So I wanted to come to this forum and say a few things about myself, mostly to get it out in the open. I find it cathartic to talk about these things, and among people who understand how I feel I hope to find some relief.

I'm someone who you might call a late bloomer. Scared to drive until I was 21, I was practically immobile for most of my life, relying on others to get from here to there. But I evantually decided it was time for a change, and I knew I could handle driving. So after months of working my old, beat up 1986 Toyota Pickup, I was finally able to get my driver's license. It was an amazing feeling, being free to come and go as I pleased. I was confident in myself enough that I felt like it was the beginning of a new life for me, and it absolutely was, just not in the way that I expected.

In February 2014, after only like two months of driving, I was involved in a wreck with a semi-trailer truck, and I easily could have been seriously injured or killed, but somehow I was fine. The front driver side wheel of my truck was crushed and nearly ripped off, and the front bumper, grille, headlights, etc. were all ripped off by the big truck. This was a very emotionally traumatic experience for me, and facing the thought that my only means of transportation was destroyed, by my own doing even, was too much for me to bear so I started drinking heavily.

Buying cheap 100 proof vodka by the half gallon and having it gone in two or three days was my life, constantly staying as drunk as possible so I didn't have to think about it. I was like that for most of the rest of 2014, drinking so much that I was vomiting blood, and then drinking more to get that disturbing image of the blood out of my mind. I was a complete mess.

Then I talked to my mom about how I felt, and she convinced me to go to a doctor for depression. So I went, and after trying a few diffeent meds for depression and anxiety, I found a combination that worked for me. That was when my "strong feminine side" became Catherine. For the first time ever I could see clearly who I was, and how I felt about things. Turns out I was depressed most of my life. Even as a child I knew I was meant to be a girl, I don't know how or why, but I could just feel it.

So, Jeff (my given name) drowned himself in alcohol, and then the only one left was Catherine, ready to pick up the pieces of my life and slowly rebuild my confidence and make a real life for myself. Now, things are okay for me. This year I've spent exploring my real personality and getting to know myself, and it's been a wonderful experience. I have never felt better about myself and my future.

I've started a home business, making and selling jewelry online, and I'm slowly acquainting myself with my sewing machine so I can live my dream of making and selling soft and cuddly stuffed animals. Everything is great, and I'm so happy that I decided to join this forum. I can already tell I'm going to love it here, talking with all of you and enjoying this very supportive and friendly community.

Thank you for reading all of this, maybe it was a bit lengthy lol

-Cat

[MaryEllen]

Hi Cat,

Thank you for sharing with us.

MaryEllen

[Jani]

Cat, thank for you sharing your story. I agree that it is cathartic to let it all out sometimes. I hope you feel better. We're here for you.

Jani

[Guest]

Well aside from the fact that I stole my first car at age thirteen, my story is a carbon copy. We are many sisters here for you. Well, I was a little off the hook in my youth...

Anyway, by the grace of God and applying the steps and principals of Alcoholics Anonymous I unchained from the bottle. Being clean and sober is only the good news, the best news is I found myself undeniably female!

It also gave me the courage to start my transition. My journey has been a blessing and a curse, a joy of self expression and a continuing miracle of self discovery.

A complete recovery from a hopeless state of male body and I don't mind! Giggle. I also could not have found my way without the help of everyone here.

There is an old AA saying, "when the student is ready, the teachers will appear." Welcome to class Kiddo! Hug. JodyAnn

[Charlize]

I drank My female side away or was at least unable to embrace it if i wasn't well into my cups. Sobriety has helped me not only physically but as a door to the honesty i needed to be myself.

Please join us if you wish on Sunday nights at 9:00 for a substance abuse meeting in thew chat rooms.

Glad you've found us. Sharing with others here has certainly helped me.

Hugs,

Charlize

[DaHudie Biz]

On 12/6/2015 at 1:08 AM, JodyAnn said:

"When the student is ready, the teachers will appear." Welcome to class Kiddo! Hug. JodyAnn

I needed that one, and thanks to the both of you for sharing.

[tracy_j]

Hi Cat

Welcome

Tracy x

 

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Cat, welcome to Laura's!

Hugs,

Marcie

[Briana]

Hi Cat and welcome to Laura's.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Catherine.  I hope you find here what you need.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie