I want to go shopping, for the first time.

[Alyssa Deutsch]

Okay, I have been "out" to a few family members and my social worker now for around 3 months, and I will be starting hormones soon, but I don't have anything to wear. There is a TGQ social coming up in Austin, and the last one (the only one I have been to) I looked WAY out of place. One person said I looked like a transman who had been on hormones for a while, or just some random dude there looking for transwomen. Yikes. Not a good first impression on my first day to meet other people in our community.

I want to get something a little more appropriate, but I am terrified to go shopping for women's clothes. I was at a store just yesterday, and told myself that I would go look at those pretty scarves and boots, without shame or terror --- until I walked in the doors and sped past them all! I don't know how to approach looking for clothes, when I must look like someone who is lost in the "wrong" section.

I was told by a wonderful sister here in an email that she goes shopping with her wife, which is a perfect cover, right! Any other tips or secrets for going shopping without drawing too much attention to yourself? Sizing, oh my god I forgot about that too. Never mind, one thing at a time.

How did you all start shopping?

Alyssa

[MarcieMarie12]

I started online, in previous purge cycles. Occasionally going in and buying something in store. I did buy some underwear in a target once. All presenting as male. My first suggestion is to go to a thrift store such as Goodwill and shop there. Clothes are cheap but might be a bit dated. That way you can figure out your general size(s), as different makers size things differently. In my experience they be a size larger or smaller, so trying things on is a good idea before you buy. For example, for me L XL or XXL sizes (basically anything between sizes 16-20) fit me depending on what brand it is.

Remember you can wear jeans and a T-shirt, most people are too wrapped up in their own stuff to care, and lastly the store loves it when a customer spends money. Having a girlfriend along to help would not be a bad idea either. they can help you avoid fashion mistakes. It took me a few outings to get comfortable being there as "him". It gets a lot easier when your out as yourself all the time.

Hugs,

Marcie

[tracy_j]

The way it went with me was starting as fully male I got too much attention as I was noticed and shop assistants were always thinking I wanted help. As time progressed I presented far more androgyne and attracted far less attention, being generally ignored by assistants unless I was looking for help and occasionally getting stares. Now I prefer to be shopping fully female as I am generally accepted as female and even on the odd occasion when I am obviously clocked as male nothing is said. As mentioned earlier shops are after money and most have experience of various customers so will say nothing. Sometimes these days men do actually wear some forms of womens clothing anyway. Buying some leggings a while back while in male mode it was obvious to me from what was said that I was not the first. I think its all down to confidence. If you look like you have been shooping in the womens section all your life people will think you have and take no notice (at least thats my philosophy)

Tracy

[Guest Clair Dufour]

First, its hard to get your max girl look without help. If you have the money, there are one stop

crossdressing shops that specialize in MTF makeovers. If you can't do that, you need women friends

and/or CD-TG friends who have worked it out to help you. You need help from our community, as a DIY

project, its hard to do and can even lead to more dysphoria. Also, how far we can go into fashion is

the luck of the draw and we just have to accept that. Don't feel bad, many women can't make the

fashion they would like to wear work either. So they adapt and so must we to find fashion that works.

Of course the big box stores have work this out and all you have to do is pick out the right items.

[Alyssa Deutsch]

Thank you, everyone, for your replies. Seriously, you all are awesome!

It is so intimidating. I have no clue what to even look for, but I guess I will try out that Goodwill suggestion (thanks Marcie!!!). I used to shop at second hand stores a lot when I was younger, and even a few years ago when I was in acting classes so I could flesh out some costumes. I told my new wonderful big sister in an email that I could probably convince the staff at the local Goodwill that I was looking for women's clothing for some theme party, where guys had to go in drag. It sounds like something that would happen in this big Army town. I could pull that off, and it would give me a chance to do some more "acting" --- and I bet it would be fun, too.

Going to a "real" store is hard. Always feel so strong and confident walking across the parking lot, knowing exactly where I am going and what I want to look at.... Then entering the doors I fold like a bad hand of cards. It would be easier if I could shop in Austin, where we have a huge community. One day, that will be a reality. Until then, still stuck in an enormous Hooah! GO ARMY! town. Blah.

Oh well, maybe it's better to just forget about it for a while. Sometimes I just want to scream and throw some stuff. Soft stuff, that won't break and make a mess.

Thanks again.

Alyssa

[Charlize]

Good will and thrift stores were often early stomping grounds for me. I loved getting outfits for a low cost and if things didn't work out it wasn't a big loss. If i was ever questioned and i was once by a teller at checkout i just said i was shopping for my wife who is in a wheel chair. Unfortunately the last part of the sentence is true. I don't know if that made it easier but time and practice certainly did.

Go for it and enjoy yourself as much as you can. You may soon be unstoppable.

Hugs,

Charlize

[gennee]

I've shopped in women's sections way before I came out as trans. My wife and I shop together on many occasions.

[bobbisue]

When shopping in the womens section I find that having a list in hand helps you blend in as someones hubby sent on errands and explains any nervous look on your face

hope this helps

bobbisue

[Alyssa Deutsch]

You all are great. I really like this place, and all the wonderful people here. Seriously. I got pretty down about trying this last night, and was ready to pack it in, but some of these suggestions are definitely worth trying. Gotta start sometime, right?

That list idea from bobbisue is a real good idea. Been trying to think of some kind of wife/girlfriend excuse to use, but having a prop to have could very well be a big crutch to lean on.

I'm going to go do it today. Not going to get freaked out, going to do this. Thanks everyone!

Alyssa

[Guest AshleighP]

Shopping can be both fun and terrifying at the same time. I have not been shopping in full female mode before, but I have tried on a couple pairs of ladies jeans at a Goodwill once while fully underdressed with makeup on. I do agree about thrift stores being a great place to start. You have to look carefully, but you can definitely find some bargains.

We always think people are paying more attention to us than they really are. I buy all my undergarments and makeup at the Walmart a mile from home. I have also bought some skirts and tops there. Nobody has ever given me a second glance (that I know or care about). I imagine some of the staff that i see regularly suspect, but I have given up caring. I sometimes find myself spending way longer than I had anticipated in the undergarment section, just looking. I find that if I don't look around wondering if someone is watching, I attract much less attention. Years ago I used the "buying a gift" ploy, but now I just shop and not worry about what others are thinking.

Most of all, have fun!

[robinmaybe]

As difficult as it can be the most important thing is to relax, look like you know what your doing and don't panic. The first time I went shopping for female clothes I was shaking with nervousness and anticipation. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating and my mouth was dry (as an aside I suggest you get something to drink before you go and maybe even bring a bottle of water with you I also recommend you go to the bathroom before you particularly if you have a nervous bladder like I do. That way you won't have to leave the store and use the bathroom of the Wendy's next door like I did.) I started out in the men's department, then nervously stalked towards the woman's department, then panicked and fled to the men's. I then returned to the men's department before working up the courage to return to the women's section. Here I managed to grab a black velvet dress and a pink hoodie before the appearance of two college aged compelled me to retreat into the men's department once again. So I hung around the men's department for about five minutes carrying a dress and sweater before I once again advanced to the women's department. Long story short despite my attempts at subtlety by the time I left the store I'm pretty sure everyone there knew what I was doing. And you know what, I still somehow made it out alive. Although some people stared, nobody said anything or pointed and laughed.

[robinmaybe]

Oh, one more suggestion. Spend a little time at the front of the store watching the cashiers before you make your first purchase. Try and select one that appears to be cheerful and friendly. The first time I went shopping I went out of my way to choose a cheerful looking cashier with blue hair, since imagine people with blue hair are less judgemental than average. When I told her that in case she was wondering I had lost a bet she said she wasn't wondering at all. I often tell cashiers that I lost a bet since it not only explains why I am buying women's clothes but also why I am nervous. If she asks what kind of be I say a video game bet since it makes sense for someone my age but sports bet work equally well especially around playoff time. Sometimes they giggle or tease me good naturedly but it's all in fun and I haven't once felt disrespected. I also like saying I lost a bet because it's acknowledging the clothes are for me which I consider a nice half way step to coming out. Hope this helps and good luck.

Robin.

[Alyssa Deutsch]

Ashleigh and Robin, thank you both so much for your advice! I am going back to the Goodwill today, for the third time now, to look at some other things like jackets and blouses. I just ordered my first skirt, tights and ankle boots online, and that was very exciting! The only thing I have had the guts to buy in a store so far is a stupid fleece cap. So brave, right...

But, I purposely didn't order a full outfit online, so I will have to suck it up and walk into a store to get a top and jacket. It makes sense, until I have to actually do it! Whatever. I'll grow up someday.

Thanks everyone for your wonderful advice and suggestions! I am going to be using many of these suggestions as I shop to top off my first outfit. My transition has already begun, starting week three actually, so I better learn to shop sooner or later!

You all are so awesome, thank you!!!

Alyssa

[Charlize]

The water just looks so cold and the first time we dip a toe in it feels that way to. Once we make the plunge to our amazement we can swim and the water is so much warmer than we thought. if we get out it's only to dive back in and get a bit deeper.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Javelin]

I started try on my dresses at the store not so long ago. Before that I bought my clothes onlie ore had to take a chanse at the store. Since I now am quite comfortable in womens stores I can buy clothes that really fit me!

[Jani]

Charlize is correct in that it only looks hard. I remember when my therapist suggested I stop and put gas in my car on the way home from a meeting. I was so nervous but afterwards I realized no one said anything and I didn't explode from fear. From there I haven't stopped. I've been clothes shopping alone and with my wife and I grocery shop every week in full female mode. I love it. Jump in, the water's fine!

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

THe first time I was nervous, now I just waltz right in and if I want to try something I try something. Bought two dresses today!!! Not the plan but I wanted something new for an evening out and something in the storefront caught my eye at dressbarn. I was actually just out shopping for black boots (with heels). In the ned I ended up with that dress, and a sweater dress that was on sale (2X, thought it might be too large but is actually comfy and not at all too big. Calvin Klien no less). I did find a pair of heeled boots that I love, a bracelet and then decided I needed some pink pumps to match the one dress I bought.

Anyway, moral of the story is you'll get used to it, so much so that your bank account will hate you for it. S

[Alyssa Deutsch]

You all are so right. I went shopping and brought my 5 year old son, who spent the whole time charming any of the other ladies in the women's clothing department while I tracked down the shirt I saw online. Found it, and a winter coat (30% off even) and tossed them into our cart. I then, because I was oh so "brave", took him over to the men's section to try on the coat. It fit, and I was stoked!!! Went to the dressing room with the two shirts, found one that fit, and it was on!

Sizing. Oh my gosh. I am usually a small or medium in guy's shirts, but the shirt that fit was a XXL in women's size! So glad I tried it on. I almost just automatically grabbed up the first L I saw on the rack and ran for the door! Kinda funny that I felt more comfortable on 3 deployments in the Army than I did surrounded by women's clothing and women shopping. In the end, I just started laughing at myself, and that always helps for me!

The next day, while grabbing a couple things at the store down the block, I stopped at a nail spa and got my eyebrows done and a manicure. All for the first time as well. It was awesome, and the Korean ladies in the shop had a lot of fun joking around with me. Again, laughter usually helps me in those crazy situations, but now they want me back in 2 weeks -- and I am certainly gonna be there!

SO much fun. NOT scary at all. Well, more funny than scary anyway!

Thanks again everyone!!!

Alyssa

[MarcieMarie12]

BTW--This dress was in the window. I liked it so much I bought it:

http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?app=galleryℑ=12672

[Guest]

BTW--This dress was in the window. I liked it so much I bought it:

http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?app=galleryℑ=12672

WOW Kiddo nice picture! Hug. JodyAnn