Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Not so worried about passing


Guest Robin Winter

Recommended Posts

Guest Robin Winter

I was one of those people who felt I would never pass. I still have moments of doubt, but a few recent experiences give me hope.

A month or so ago I was dropping my daughter off at school. We don't have a car so we were in a taxi. We pulled up to the school and got out. There was a middle age man walking the opposite way, and he turned to us with a big smile and said "Good morning, ladies".

About a week later, just before Christmas, I was with my daughter again passing through the mall, and we stopped at a local chocolatiers seasonal stand to see if there was something my wife might like, and the lady paused briefly in her conversation to say "How are you girls doing today?". I smiled huge and ended up walking away without buying anything because I knew my voice would spoil the experience.

About two weeks ago, I was in the grocery store to trade in the stamps we were collecting for a Jamie Oliver santoku knife, and the checkout I went to happened to have a new girl being trained. She didn't know how to ring it up with the stamp trade so the girl that was training her walked her through it and the entire time she used the pronouns "she" and "her" when referring to me.

Now, I'm not out at work, and I'm in a position where I work and live at the same place, so I pretty much can't walk out my front door unless I'm presenting male. So all 3 times I was in male mode and still got clocked female. So voice aside, I'm reasonably confident that I can pass with very little effort, and it's a nice feeling.

Link to comment
  • Admin

That's great, Robin. The happiness that comes with your gender being validated never really goes away. I still like hearing it 5 years later. The voice and other issues will probably resolve themselves when you have more opportunity to practice IRL. Each success breeds more success. Continued good luck.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I am still amazed and pleased when i get a mam or a female pronoun. It surprises me at times because i'm just being me and for so many years others got it wrong. Give yourself a few extra visual clues and you'll certainly have no problem voice or no voice!

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment

I especially like it from random strangers on the street, especially gentlemen who open the doors for you (love it!!)

--Marcie

Link to comment

I was kind of worried about passing before I started HRT. When I had the correct hormone levels in my system, and all the depression went away, I was truly happy and knew I wasn't ever going back. I quit wondering if I would ever pass. I was already happy. Well, being happy combined with just being myself, dressing comfortably, wearing my hair how liked it, all these things have me being properly gendered by the general public. That adds to the happiness and I seem to have a permanent smile affixed to my face. The joy and contentment found by being my true self is something I can never give up. So it no longer matters to me what people may think of me.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

I was one of those people who felt I would never pass. I still have moments of doubt, but a few recent experiences give me hope.

A month or so ago I was dropping my daughter off at school. We don't have a car so we were in a taxi. We pulled up to the school and got out. There was a middle age man walking the opposite way, and he turned to us with a big smile and said "Good morning, ladies".

About a week later, just before Christmas, I was with my daughter again passing through the mall, and we stopped at a local chocolatiers seasonal stand to see if there was something my wife might like, and the lady paused briefly in her conversation to say "How are you girls doing today?". I smiled huge and ended up walking away without buying anything because I knew my voice would spoil the experience.

About two weeks ago, I was in the grocery store to trade in the stamps we were collecting for a Jamie Oliver santoku knife, and the checkout I went to happened to have a new girl being trained. She didn't know how to ring it up with the stamp trade so the girl that was training her walked her through it and the entire time she used the pronouns "she" and "her" when referring to me.

Now, I'm not out at work, and I'm in a position where I work and live at the same place, so I pretty much can't walk out my front door unless I'm presenting male. So all 3 times I was in male mode and still got clocked female. So voice aside, I'm reasonably confident that I can pass with very little effort, and it's a nice feeling.

That's great! I'm wondering how you are pulling it off? When do you go "female" vs. going out the door male? I'm sort of thinking of trying that myself, but not sure how to go about doing it...

Link to comment
Guest Robin Winter

Now, I'm not out at work, and I'm in a position where I work and live at the same place, so I pretty much can't walk out my front door unless I'm presenting male. So all 3 times I was in male mode and still got clocked female. So voice aside, I'm reasonably confident that I can pass with very little effort, and it's a nice feeling.

That's great! I'm wondering how you are pulling it off? When do you go "female" vs. going out the door male? I'm sort of thinking of trying that myself, but not sure how to go about doing it...

Not sure what you mean exactly. How am I pulling what off? I could be wrong, but I feel like you're under the impression that I leave in male mode then I do something while I'm out to present female. That's not the case. Some people are just seeing me as female regardless of how I'm dressed (yay!)

Link to comment

Now, I'm not out at work, and I'm in a position where I work and live at the same place, so I pretty much can't walk out my front door unless I'm presenting male. So all 3 times I was in male mode and still got clocked female. So voice aside, I'm reasonably confident that I can pass with very little effort, and it's a nice feeling.

That's great! I'm wondering how you are pulling it off? When do you go "female" vs. going out the door male? I'm sort of thinking of trying that myself, but not sure how to go about doing it...

Not sure what you mean exactly. How am I pulling what off? I could be wrong, but I feel like you're under the impression that I leave in male mode then I do something while I'm out to present female. That's not the case. Some people are just seeing me as female regardless of how I'm dressed (yay!)

You were right and glad its working out for you.

Link to comment

Hi Robin,

Yep, it is a great feeling to be accepted, and gendered correctly, even better if it happens no matter how you are dressed. :)

hugs,

Stephanie

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 124 Guests (See full list)

    • MaybeRob
    • April Marie
    • Betty K
    • Heather Shay
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,057
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Aleksandria
    Newest Member
    Aleksandria
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      (22 years old)
    2. CtN1p
      CtN1p
    3. heyim_finn
      heyim_finn
      (21 years old)
    4. Jayn
      Jayn
    5. joni_girl_1988
      joni_girl_1988
      (51 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Thank you @missyjo! You do wonders for my ego.   It turns out that pastel colors were the "thing" at Kentucky Derby Day so my dress was perfect. I went with white 5" heeled sandals and a wide-brimmed fuscia hat. Dinner and Mint Juleps added to the fun of watching the (recorded) festivities and races.   Perhaps, we'll repeat it for the Preakness in 2 weeks.   Right now it's just blue striped sleep shorts with pink flowers, a pink t-shirt and flip flops. I can't tell you how much wearing  sleep-rated breast forms at night has done to quell my dysphoria. 
    • April Marie
      I can still rock 5" heels.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!   My wife and I had our yearly Kentucky Derby Day evening. Dresses, heels, hats, Mint Juleps and a light dinner while watching the festivities and races. Relaxing and fun. I think we'll do the same for the Preakness in two weeks.   It's rainy and cool here today so it's pretty much going to keep me indoors. Ahh, well. A day of rest.   Enjoy and be safe!!
    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Sally Stone
    • KymmieL
      Thanks, Mindy. It has been so far. Tomorrow, work some more on the wife's grand monkey. Got the right side of the hood primed, just need to do a little more work on the left then I can prime it. Then a 600grit wet sand.   I promised the wife we would take out the bike this weekend.   Kymmie
    • JessicaMW
      During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped:  The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)
    • Betty K
      Oops, I did not mean to post that comment yet! I was going to also say, having read a mountain of commentary on the Review, I think Julia Serano’s response (linked by Vicky above) is the most accurate and thorough. You can also read a non-paywalled version at Substack: https://juliaserano.substack.com/p/the-cass-review-wpath-files-and-the   To me the three key areas in which the review is deficient are:   1. As has already been said here, its views on social transition;   2. Its attempts to give credence to the “ROGD” theory (without ever actually mentioning ROGD because presumably a canny editor knows that would be too transparently transphobic);   3. To me, most crucially, its claims about trans youth and suicide, which are dealt with summarily in about five pages and do not stand up to any deeper scrutiny.    I will be writing about each of these issues in isolation over the next few weeks and appearing on a radio show and podcast to discuss them late in the month. I will post links to these on TP later if anyone is interested.   All that said, I actually think it’s dangerous for us to respond with outright vitriol and condemnation to the review since, like any effective piece of disinformation, it does actually contain some factually based and even helpful recommendations. The Tavistock Gender Identity Service really was underfunded and understaffed and certain staff were not adequately trained. Trans kids really were funnelled away from mental-health support once they started gender-affirming care too. So yes, more investment in youth psychology services would help, as would a less centralised model of care, more training in treatment of trans kids, and more research.   One last thing for now: beware the claim that Cass ignored 98% of studies. That’s not strictly true. She seems to have taken other studies into account but leaned heavily on the 2% that met her standards. Nor does she ever claim that only randomised controlled trials are good enough evidence to justify the use of blockers for kids; just as with ROGD, she strongly suggests this, but is too canny to say it, because she knows such trials would be impossible. For now, I think the best response to this comes from the Trans Safety Network: “[…] we believe there to be systemic biases in the ways that the review prioritises speculative and hearsay evidence to advance its own recommendations while using highly stringent evidence standards to exclude empirical and observational data on actual patients. “ (https://transsafety.network/posts/tsn-statement-on-cass-final-report/)   To me, the scariest aspect of all this is that, if it follows Cass’s recommendations, the NHS will very likely follow Finland’s recent model of trans care, which seems to amount to a prolonged form of conversion therapy. I can’t find the link right now, which is probably lucky for anyone reading this, but I bawled my guts out reading the testimonies of kids who had been mistreated by that system. Truly horrific. To me, at least from my Australian perspective, the Cass Review is the most frightening development in trans rights in recent years. To me, the safe care of trans kids is THE number one issue in politics atm.   Ruth Pierce has a good summary of responses from trans folk and their allies sk far: https://ruthpearce.net/2024/04/16/whats-wrong-with-the-cass-review-a-round-up-of-commentary-and-evidence/    
    • Sally Stone
      Welcome to the wide, wild world of transgender, M.A.  It can definitively be overwhelming, but everyone here is amazing, so no doubt you'll get bunches of wonderful support. I think you'll be happy you found us.   
    • Sally Stone
      @Ladypcnj  This is so true.  I think all of us here have had a post or two that didn't get a response.  Sometimes, it's as simple as adding to your original to post for a clearer explanation, or re-reading what you wrote originally, and rephrasing it.  But don't despair, we aren't ignoring you.   Hugs,   Sally 
    • Willow
      So, we left for lunch in our Taos, talked and went to the dealer and came home with the Cadillac.  
    • Betty K
      I have just finished reading the Cass Review, all 380-odd pages of it, and am totally open to questions including via DM if anyone wants more information on it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      What season are you?  If you don't know, look around on the internet. Or ask a girl friend..  Maybe someone here is even a color consultant?   And there are guides on figure-flattering clothes for all shapes that you should look into.    Abby
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Just know that your kids will probably turn out OK, in spite of the chaos.  One of my partners was widowed in her very early 30s, left with 3 kids.  They're teens now, and one graduated a year ago and is working, but still living at home.  A few bumps in the road, but the three are turning into responsible young adults.  It is amazing how resilient kids can be.  They should be able to handle your changes as well.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Had my time with my 2 long friends I was in the Army with.We went through the photo books and talked memories.They also found about the guy that bullied and sexually assaulted me.He is in prison,sexually assaulted and raped 2 women off base.Doing a 40 year sentence for this and was dishonorable discharged
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...