Is dressing essentially narcissistic?

[Guest]

Maybe I am just having a bad day but while I enjoy the feelings dressing brings out in me I can't help but feel like it is an extremely self centered activity. It is all about how we look and feel internally and externally. Shopping for clothes, shoes or makeup consumes resources quickly, and let's not even talk about wigs, forms, etc. It takes a lot of time and attention that I cannot share with my SO, my family or friends.

My SO is tolerant of my interest but does not want to participate in any way and even talking about it makes her uncomfortable, so we don't much. A few of you may enjoy the holy grail of a fully supportive SO who likes to play but I believe that it is in the minority. I am grateful that my SO is as tolerant as she is.

Both of us have interests and hobbies that we enjoy individually but we still follow, discuss and actively support those interests with gifts on appropriate occasions. Our grown children and grandchildren are also aware of our personal interests and there is no keeping secrets or taboo. Not so with my interest and enjoyment in dressing.

I end up feeling selfish about taking the time, attention and resources for myself and I suppose the unusual nature adds a level of discomfort.

So, as I said at the beginning, maybe it's just my bad time of month but I can't help but wonder, do these concerns ever come up for any of you?

Love

Erica

[Jani]

Hi Erica,

Sorry to hear that your SO isn't fully supportive. Maybe she'll come around at some point. My wife is supportive so I really don't have these issues.

Don't feel selfish about taking time for yourself. This is a healthy activity for you regardless of whether your SO is interested. To the question of whether it's narcissistic, well of course it is to a point. To some people (Cis or TG) getting dressed is just something you do everyday, but for others (you know who you are!) it is an opportunity to shine and show off. When you're out and about look around and you'll see what I mean. Don't stress. Enjoy yourself!

Jani

[robinmaybe]

Hey Erica. I sometimes feel guilty about the time and effort I spend on crossdressing, but whenever I do there are a few things I try to remember.

First of all while it is true that crossdressing consumes a lot of resources the same can be said for many other activities. If a golfer doesn't have to feel guilty for spending hundreds of dollars on a new driver then you shouldn't have to feel bad about spending money on clothes, makeup, shoes and so on. Society tries to tell us that it is acceptable or even admirable to spend money on some things but spending money on other equally valid things is considered frivolous. The truth is that it is your money and you have the right to spend it on whatever gives you the most pleasure, as long as you aren't hurting someone else. Considering your crossdressing is more than just a hobby but an important part of who you are this logic is especially true for you.

As for crossdressing taking time away from your significant other, friends and family it is important to remember that it is ok and even healthy to spend time by yourself. Furthermore, although I can't speak for you, I know that I become withdrawn if I go too long without having a little girl time. So it's probable that engaging in crossdressing is not only making you feel good but it is probably benefiting your relationship with others including your friends, your family and even your significant other. And by sharing your crossdressing experiences with others, like you are doing in this post, you are helping other people understand and accept themselves which is pretty important and not at all narcissistic.

Sorry if I've been rambling a bit. Hopefully I've helped a little bit and I hope you feel better soon.

Robin

[VickySGV]

Some but not all CD's and even Transsexuals do get a bit narcissistic from time to time, but while a few do a bit of the time, darn few get that way ALL the time. Looking your best for all the time you are dressed is a lot more important to those of you who cannot or do not live in your preferred gender full time. I personally think that is terrific and something to be really happy about that you want to be that way. I was at a gathering that had about 35 Trans* people in it tonight and you could readily see the ones who are less than full time versus those who are. This was private rehearsal of a Trans* music group, and for a few of them, this is their one day a week, and their hair, makeup and clothing were "to the nines". The ones like myself who no longer have a male wardrobe were in "comfortable" but not really fancy clothing, and our hair was nothing special. My makeup was sunscreen and not much else.

I used the term selfish for a while, until I had someone really let me have it. CDing (and full transitioning) are expressions of SELF, a self that other people cannot understand without difficulty or relation to their own sense of self. They are the ones who are more "selfish" than we are when you really think about it. The reason is that they do not have to live with two "selves" as CD's do. They have that self 100% of the time and without effort and without really being conscious of it. When we show the inner self that is part of us we only get a tiny percentage of time to do it in, and we must be intense about it to benefit from it.

When people use the term selfish to mean you have embarrassed them or they feel that you are dragging (pun intended) down their lives, that is another matter altogether, and unless you are doing a slutty act in front of the neighbors to deliberately make them uncomfortable the problem lies with the other people. Selfish is their term against you in an attempt to control you by guilt tripping you as far as they can do it. Don't let them get you down!!.

[MarcieMarie12]

I find that as Part-time continues I still prefer to dress to the nines.Partly because I worry about passing without being that way, and partly because I enjoy it. However as I sit in my PJ's and tights trying to forget the Arctic conditions outside (I'm in DC and we had just gotten 2 feet of snow this weekend), dressing to the nines right now is not going to happen. These last few days have been jeans and a sweater and no make-up except nail polish. Which by now is chipped, and I'm fighting the urge to fix it. Mainly because it is coming off tomorrow before work.

I guess what it comes down to is that dressing to the 9's just to go to the grocery store seems to be a bit much. But I do feel great when I do! I am guessing the longer I am on hormones, the longer my hair gets and the more laser treatments my face gets, at some point I won't feel the need to wear make-up and dressing to the 9's to pass. But I'm at the beginning of my transition, so it may be a while before that happens.

[Charlize]

As a cross dresser i also felt i was just indulging myself. I felt badly as a result. Guilt killed any feelings of happiness i may have felt. As i began to travel into the world, even on small trips, i began to leave that guilt behind and realized i was just expressing myself. Sure i wanted to be pretty or attractive but so did most of the women i knew. I simply wanted to express myself and that is not vanity but self knowledge.

Hugs,

Charlize