Are we unique?

[Charlize]

This topic has come up in several meetings i have attended dealing with sobriety. In most cis gendered meetings the rule of thumb is that we are all the same in our addictions. We share the feelings of hopelessness, pain, shame and complete desolation that comes with addictions as we get to a "bottom". I doesn't matter if we are doctors, honey dippers, lawyers or carpenters. We share the pain and we can share in the recovery if we help each other and find a belief in something greater than ourselves. It can be God with a big G , small g or any kind of power greater than ourselves..

Fortunately in AAs third tradition "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". That same tradition holds true in all the 12 step programs in theory.

Unfortunately many of us find especially in the non cis gendered world that we feel left out at best and at worst feel like we are disliked or rejected. I have been fortunate in living in an area where i have been accepted as a trans* woman. But i know how difficult it was to come forward as myself in those meetings.

Fortunately we have a meeting right here at Laura's for trans* folks. It is at the chatrooms on Sunday at 9 eastern.

There is also this forum as well as several other trans* online meetings. I have found the tgaa site is quite good with a forum as well as two Skype meetings each week.

I love this quote :

From: Twenty-Four Hours a Day, May 28. AA Thought of the Day.

In AA we learn that since we are alcoholics we can be uniquely useful people. That is, we can help other alcoholics when perhaps somebody has not had our experience with drinking could not help them. That makes us uniquely useful. The AAs are a unique group of people because they have taken their own greatest defeat and failure and sickness and used it as a means of helping others. We who have been through the same thing are the ones who can best help other alcoholics. Do I believe that I can be uniquely useful?

This is almost the best description i have seen of how we can use our uniqueness. It is certainly what i see so often at Laura's where so many reach out to help each other.

Hugs,

Charlize

[jeanniesauve']

This formula of kindness and friendship have certainly helped me!I have come so far,without having to go through the aching dysphoria I once suffered.I'm very greatfull for all the support and first-hand knowledge that comes from those who have triumphed and gone on to help others like me!I'm thrilled and empowered,(not finding excuses or jumping on a ban wagon).My mind is clear,my eyes have shine to them that has been missing for so long,and my heels fit like a glove!...teehee!

I may still have many adventures to come,as my real self,...and because of fantastic,brave,successful transgenders like yourselves,it will be an adventure,and not a struggle!

jeannie

[Jani]

Thank you for sharing this insight. We are indeed unique.

Jani

[Guest Raya]

We were talking today, and I shared that people who have endured suffering are more likely to show compassion. So, twice blessed, I guess!

[Guest erinanita]

I did find it difficult going back to AA after my transition. I thought I was different and so that made me scared. I was afraid others would see how I was different. I confided in just a couple of people about myself and they insisted we were all the same. I didn't feel the same but I knew that regardless of our journeys, we were all there for the same reason. I have since confided in many friends in the program but never in a large group. I feel totally accepted and I have been made to feel special.

I certainly am a unique individual and useful as well. I enjoy working with and getting to know others in the program, both men and women, though I prefer doing twelve step work with just females. I have found that there are so few females in this area so I have found a man to be my sponsor.

Erin

[Charlize]

I have also found that i prefer working with females but like your area it seems there are fewer females than males at my meetings. At this point i have a man sponsor but i'm hoping someday i'll find a female who seems the right person. Unfortunately the one women's meeting around here is at noon and i'm not able to make it very often even though i've found wonderful acceptance there.

Last night in our face to face trans* meeting we had a trans* gal who isn't an alcoholic. it is an open meeting so that's ok. She shared how much it meant to her to hear of our struggles and our successes in the program and said her GT advised her that she should come if we allowed it. Of course we are happy because it is another chance to live the 12th step and carry these principals in all of our affairs.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest erinanita]

I actually did find a female who was the right fit. I met her at a LGBTI meeting and we got on famously, but after about 6 months her problems began to take control of her life. She stopped answering my calls and texts, or would text me several days later. I was also told by a close friend that I needed to get a service sponsor, a person who was involved in service and could/would help me to move in that direction. I had worked with my male sponsor as alternate chair of the treatment facilities committee for the previous year and a half. He was the chairperson during that time. I have also been riding with him to meetings for the last two months after I thought I had lost my driver's licence. It was handy.

I think we always need to remember, though, that sponsors don't often last forever.

Erin

[Charlize]

My first sponsor who was very active in service, helped me understand how important it is in maintaining sobriety. He died sober a year ago during my home group's 67th anniversary meeting. Sponsors are not there forever nor are they necessarily going to keep their sobriety but we can learn from them. Maybe service to others who struggle is the biggest gift we can give. My continued work in the program can help others and at the same time it helps me. I have sponsees who are sober and some who have gone out. The fact is that i'm still sober so my service has been a success. I need to keep working the program and reach out to those who want to find a path to sobriety. I'm not cured and have to remember that. Bill W said, after 18 years of sobriety, "the next drink is as close as my elbow." Reaching out to others helps me to not reach out for that drink.

Hugs,

Charlize an alcoholic

[Guest erinanita]

Actually, I keep forgetting about my very first sponsor. He was very involved in service and after my first year of sobriety he led me into community service. I had not even thought about transitioning at that time. My conversation thus far in this topic has been about my life after transition. Even though my last medallion was for 36 years of sobriety, I center my thoughts on the times since I went back as a female. I fired my first sponsor, because after he and his wife split up, he moved into my home and was trying to teach me how to make gravy. I didn't think that was part of his job as a sponsor, nor did I think that a sponsor should live with a sponsee. He went back to his wife after that.

Erin