Feeling Anxious About Transitioning FullTime

[Guest]

Hi All!

Let me start from the beginning of my self discovery.... Prior to having my euphoric discovery, I had no idea I would have been transgender. Growing up I was always a soft and fem guy, but never imagined becoming a woman. I never hated my male body or hated the fact that I was a male. How I discovered myself was when I dressed in 'drag' for the first time for a talent contest... From there, I hated the idea for dressing up for 'drag' purposes, and found myself going out with friends as myself to bars, dinner or public places. I soon became part-time with lots of support from friends and family. All in all, I am transitioning because I feel happier, more confident, sexier, and fulfilled as being a woman.

The past two days I think I have been somewhat in a funk. While at work, ALL I could think about is transitioning full-time and being happy. I've been on HRT for close to 2 months now... so I don't know if its because I am feeling more like a woman mentally. I am really wanting to go full-time, but holding off (maybe its an excuse) because I would like to build a wardrobe of clothes and because I haven't done laser hair removal yet...

What was your experience on the days leading up to your decision of going full-time?

Thank you,

Milani

[Charlize]

It was difficult for me to go full time despite having amassed a good wardrobe and not having even started HRT. I think the fact that i found myself miserable each time i had to change back to male mode became so great that i couldn't not go full time. I had joined the playground and found that i was not alone. Others had felt as i did and had managed to live as themselves. Therapy helped but by then i had already come out to my wife and family.

My wife said i could dress at home but not outside of the house. She didn't understand that home was almost the only place i didn't dress. One day i simply put my guy cloths in a bag and started hanging my female attire. Shortly afterwards i was starting HRT and beginning to find peace with myself and the world.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Denise007]

You may spoil the fun if you go full time before are ready, like you, after all the misery was behind me and I was able to live a productive life, some how I also had 2 lives, one day It just clicked in my mind when a friend said STAY IN YOUR BIZ! Back then I was still stuck in the ancient mindset of women don't do physical, dirty, or mechanical work. I became one of the only women that owns an HVAC contracting Biz!

Milani It seems we do best when do not transition out of desperation. Good luck!

[Nicole W]

Honestly i went all out with this by gathering up all my male attire and pitching it t the burn pit last July and started going full time as my true self a woman ,just recently started hrt. but in the past i went out part time when i could huge wardrobe i did have was purged a few times and rebuilt worst thing i ever done was hold off so long when i should have embraced who i was , but now i and happy calm collect and comfortable with who i am , yes starting out and going full time can be scary but take a deep breath and relax and all shall be fine and you will see how much you have become a beautful young confident woman .

love and hugs

[Cyndee]

Hi Milani,

I knew that I was getting ready for full time and transition at work. There were many signs. HRT had been working on my brain and body for 1.5 years at that point, I was already out to most important people in life, but work, my legal name / gender was still stuck in the past. I can still recall the terrible depression leading up to full time, each time I was at work being called that old name, or worse the dreaded "sir", was just killing me and I knew I should just let it go, but it kept hurting more. The oscillations became more intense having to attempt to switch gender modes if you will, faking being a guy at work for others, felt so wrong, like I was lying to myself. I knew at this point full time was beckoning, it was becoming very apparent I needed to live and work this way. I had a business trip overseas coming up, my passport still in "his" name, I thought to myself, I would endure this trip and then pull the switch, change my legal name after I got home. I already had the Dr letter for gender maker change, and just then SSA changed the rules to allow me to become "Federally Female" with a Dr letter, I could change my passport too, before surgery ! I then notified my supervisor and HR, I would come out after the business trip overseas, not enough time to get the new passport at that point. That business trip was successful, but I endured this trip of "1000 sirs", I became numb, that's all I could do to survive the gender madness on this business trip. The kicker was at the immigration check point heading home, the dude there looking at my old passport photo from more than 9 years ago says "you shaved your mustache", I looked nothing like my picture, my hair long, my face smooth, He looked me over quite a bit then, but finally I was allowed to go home, whew ! I went to court a few weeks later after getting home and did the legal stuff, so I could live full time. I knew I was ready, my life circumstances told me I was ready, it was not forced, it just happened. Now every "ma'am", "she", "her" at work feels so good, that was like 3 years ago now, I can't imagine trying to live as a guy now. That's my short story leading up to full time.

You will know when it's your time for full time, your life will tell you.

Best wishes

Cyndi -

[MarcieMarie12]

I'm gearing up for full time. I am out and about everywhere but work. Even there some of my co-workers already know. The gender switch definitely getting harder (Mondays-- ) and I sometimes am in tears going out as him. Coming home I can't wait to get out of "boy mode"--watch the clothes fly off like they are burning my skin.

I knew transitioning and becomming a woman full time would be the most likely outcome once I went out of the house. That is the first big step. Then being female for an entire weekend (wife was out). At that point I did not want to return to guy mode ever again. But decided to go part time for a few months after my wife and decided to end our marriage and I moved out. Well it has been 4 months and I have been on HRT since January 13th. I cannot and will not go backwards.

I've worked on my voice, and am growing out my hair and burning the beard off. Wardrobe wise was a fortunate coincidence. I had a collectible item that sold for a small fortune. This got spent on my starter wardrobe. So I have enough stuff to wear at the office, but I'll have room to grow it. I'm shooting for 1 complete outfit a month budget wise, however in practice that has been about 2 . I've also really gotten into buying jewelry (mostly costume), but have gotten some silver pieces with amethyst in them.

[Guest]

Wow thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It was really comforting to hear things I could relate to.

-Milani

[Guest]

I came to a point trying to fake male would physically make me ill. I could hold up the masculine image for less than an hour, then the girl in the boy clothes would pop out.

A few hours and a few mirrors later I would be crying. At that point I would go home, vomit and tear the clothes off. Then curl up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep.

Soon I quit trying to pretend and donated all his clothes. That was truly a stellar day!

My body hair changed dramatically on HRT. It grew back as white peach fuzz. Almost none back on my legs. I still have to shave the white hair on my face but I can live with that. Your body and heart will tell you when it's time. Just don't let fear lock the parking brake. Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest Kate]

Milani,

I had been on HRT for about 4 months, and was full time everywhere but school. I planned on waiting until I graduated and moved thinking that would be the "right" time but one day I just started thinking "why am I doing this?" So I asked my doctor for a letter and flew home to Seattle to get my name and gender changed on my drivers licence and that was that. I guess for me it was a matter of passing the balance point where the things holding me back were weaker than those pushing me forward.

I agree with Denise on a number of points, women definitely don't have to be overly femme to be women. I'm an engineer and a geologist, I build things, ride motorcycles, and work on cars but none of that makes me less of a woman. I also agree that many people who transition out of desperation have a really rough go of it, but as I write that the scientist in me is screaming her little head off about causality. I don't think that being desperate to transition isn't, in and of itself, a bad thing, it may just mean you have waited long enough and it's time to get things moving. It is however, very frequently a symptom of being in an unhealthy situation which would be detrimental.

Good luck!

Kate

[Guest Denise007]

Y'all could Look up Kate Bornstein if you want to learn about a transwomyn that breaks or broke all the "rules" She was one of my friends back in the early 80s. She moved to the west coast and wrote her own history and became the "Gender outlaw." she's been a big draw to the FTM community I might mention also.

Thanks Kate! but I still love being a girly girl when the time and place are right!

[Guest]

Hi everyone! So again, that itch to go full time has sneaked up on me this morning. New circumstances has come up in my life that I am really wanting to go full time now. I don't want to think that those circumstances have influenced my desires to go FT considering this is my second go-around of getting the itch... But it might have. Today, the only place I am going in 'boy mode' is at work or when I see my family... Other than that I am ME. Even after work, I go straight home and change into my femme self.

A few months ago, I told HR at work that I am transitioning... Four months prior to that they made all employees sign an ethics/harassment policy update which included gender identity. :-) So they are totally supportive. I might swing by HR today just to discuss it again.

I feel that I am ready to go full time, the only thing that is holding me back that I haven't done laser hair removal yet...

[Guest KerryUK]

I feel that I am ready to go full time, the only thing that is holding me back that I haven't done laser hair removal yet...

I would advise starting that as soon as you can then Milani, hair removal can take an awful long time. Although reaching a point where most of my unwanted hair is gone, I'm still having hair removal sessions. I've been having sessions now for 4 years.

Kerry

[Guest]

Thank you Kerry. I'm hoping to start within the next couple months