Tips for trans feminine beginners

[Imaginary Spiders]

I recently came out and all of that. I am getting ready to transition, but have delayed transition a bit because I've been having a hard deciding on what to do first and wear and so forth. The question is when you are finally able to express yourself in a feminine way what are the first things you get? I have cross-dressed many many times, but now that I am going to "do it for real" I'm a bit confused. I am also a non-binary individual meaning that I don't fit perfectly into the category of male or female. I don't really like overly feminine things like dresses and so forth. I see myself as shifting between gender neutral and moderately feminine. What ideas do you have?

[tracy_j]

As similarly non-binary I can say that the type of things I wear when in an indeterminate state tend to be skinny jeans, t shirts (or similar but thicker tops) and tube skirts. The tube skirts look like a long top without a close look and it is easy to raise and lower dependant on where you are. Generally fairly plain things without girly patterns. During the winter I have often worn thicker tights with a knitted dress (plain not patterned). I tend to be on the feminine side of things so wear close fitting feminine clothes (lots of Lycra or stretch blends). With footwear I generally either wear my unisex cowboy boots or womens ankle boots. I have girly shoes but usually only wear those when girly. I often wear trainers (Fairly unisex) and do have some non-descript (even I am not sure whether they are mens or womens) sandals. These days I do wear a bra most of the time when out (except when male) as it helps with the female look (and feel). I have found one that fits without forms and is padded (as bought) so it shows. When I am likely to be going and seeing people who do not know how feminine I am (ie not out to) I tend to wear something like a fleece jacket part zipped, which disguises my bra enough so it does not readily show. With similar ideas you could steadily progress.

It is worth looking at women around you and see what they are wearing. You will likely see somethings you like which would also help you fit in with local style.

I should say that I have found it easier to go out fully female though than to be non-discript as people seem to get very unsure and scrutinise more closely. As a woman, most just take me at face value. I am not on hormone therapy so all I have done is gained confidence and probably female mannerisms (and I have grown my hair). My female speech is poor but with practice it will come.

Unlike you I do love being girly too but that does require confidence. It it is easier than it seems. It really just requires getting things right so looking at other women. What they wear to look good, and also looking to see when they have got it wrong as well. They often do! You will make mistakes but that is being a teenager. That is the position in a woman's life of learning which we are at.

Hope it helps

Tracy

[Charlize]

Tracy is so correct in suggesting that you look around and see what girls of your age are wearing. I doubt that many of them are "too girly". At this point women are dressing more and more like men each day. Color and fit are often the biggest difference. Most of all enjoy and be safe and careful. If you have a girlfriend to go out with all the better. Look around girls rarely travel alone unless they are food shopping or the like. It is always safer to be with a friend.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Imaginary Spiders]

Thanks. You've got some nice tips to offer. Also I'm not a teenager. I'm almost 26. I always find it weird whenever I post about trans things like this because a lot of people think I'm a teenager when I do. I wish I was. I think this misconception is because the feminine part of me didn't get to progress, so she is still sort of a teenager in a sense. Anyway I have been thinking this out. I have always loved tight clothing especially jeans. I'm having a hard time thinking about what sorts of shirts to wear. I kind of would like to wear skirts and stockings sometimes, but am nervous about doing that in public. I already have a private feminine persona, I'd like to work on more as well a public persona which I'm trying to develop. That is sort of what my post here concerns. I am trying for gender neutral to moderately feminine expression in order to feel secure really. Also I have very long hair myself. You are probably quite aware of the stage I'm in where you just finally have the opportunity to be yourself finally, but it is a bit overwhelming.

[Imaginary Spiders]

I pay great deal of attention to what other girls are wearing. I always have. I would dress like them, but that makes me a bit nervous. I'm a student at a large university. So basically when it is warmer, they tend to wear clothing that doesn't cover them to well. As a trans person that would get me a lot of negative attention, so I'm trying to be conservative, though I sort of have a feminine body. I am usually by myself most of the time. I try not to be, I try to just walk in the save places alone. A couple of years ago when I was starting to get the courage to accept myself for being trans, a trans girl that I looked up to had been nearly beaten to death because she had a tendency to hit on guys. No one ever heard from her again. That scared me way back into the closet. I don't want to end up like her, so I am extremely wary because of that. Because of that I am trying to come up with a style that is sort of safe and doesn't get a lot of attention. Thanks for your suggestions.

[Jani]

I'll echo what the others have stated, look around you. Also style wise, think what would the feminine version of your male persona do? Is she laid back, a little wild, quite, brash? You get the idea. Personally I would suggest that early on you dress to blend in until you get comfortable being out and about. Just take baby steps and you'll be fine.

Jani

[tracy_j]

I'll just add that when I said 'being a teenager' I didn't mean that literally. I mean't that we are somewhat in the lifestage of a teenager ie learning how to dress and fit in society. In essence growing up into society. Having to re-learn things in the feminine context.

I did find initially that I made errors (if you call them that as at times people wear almost anything) in which the clothes I wore were noticeable as being different and made me the centre of attention. Similar actions to a teenager. It was a considerable time ago that I was in my teens so this compounded things but was exciting and made me laugh afterward. I should say that I can be somewhat outgoing fashion wise when I get chance so do push boundaries. If you take it steady as Jani suggests at first you should be Ok. Where I live it is relitively safe so was of less concern, at least in daytime in a busy area.

Tracy

[VickySGV]

Women's business casual is a good general style you can get away with. Look at Lane Bryant or Dress Barn which both go toward that style. I have slacks in a couple of colors, plain front solid color tops that may have some neck decoration, and a garment I avoided as male, but now love as female, a Blazer jacket. If my hair is back in a pony tail and I have no accessories on, the general effect is Andro or a little femme with a couple of my blazers due to their color, If I accessorize with bling blings and scarves, then I get female pronouns without any problem.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

You can start by looking around to see what girls your age wear, and then modify it accordingly to fit your style. I don't know your style, only you know your style. Don't like tight fitting tank tops? Don't wear them! Want to wear, maybe a t-shirt instead? Go right ahead! Like those jeans but hate the belt? Get a different belt more your style.

Having long hair is a plus because that gives you more options for how you want to wear your hair.

I would strongly advise not wearing a skirt and stockings out in public right away because it's going to draw attention, and your first few times out in public, you'll probably be petrified so why risk giving people even more of a reason to stare at you? I think we've all done this early on so I'll give you this advice: don't overdo it. A lot of us, our first times out, were like girl explosions because we finally were able to do it so we went waaaaay too far (and then toned it down over time and settled into our girl style eventually)

Btw, you don't have to wear tight tshirts if you don't want to, just because they're cut for girls. There are a lot of tshirts (like for bands) that are men's sizes and girls wear them, too. There are some tshirts for women that I avoid because the sleeves are too short (Walmart women's section) and I really just don't like how that looks with my arms, so I buy tshirts at other stores where I do like the sleeve length. (Torrid)

As for the trans girl you looked up to: that's a risk we all take going out in public. You hope for the best but mentally prepare for the worst. Don't get in over your ahead, don't wander into unsafe areas (especially at night), and use common sense. Remember: you're a girl, so you're a potential target. Don't forget that. You lose all of that male safety net when you look and act like a girl. Buy some pepper spray, just in case. (mine's on my key chain)

[Guest]

A couple of years ago when I was starting to get the courage to accept myself for being trans, a trans girl that I looked up to had been nearly beaten to death because she had a tendency to hit on guys. No one ever heard from her again. That scared me way back into the closet. I don't want to end up like her, so I am extremely wary because of that. Because of that I am trying to come up with a style that is sort of safe and doesn't get a lot of attention. Thanks for your suggestions.

My AA sponsor told me to stick with the women and get into the center of the herd. That was the best advice ever.

Women about safety all say there is safety in numbers. That is also how we polish our female skill sets.

I flow into the group of females like water, because I am first and foremost female. I freely compliment other women when they look nice and many love to share their methods. I am hugely flattered when other women compliment me and ask me what I do to create JodyStyle. The first step is getting into the girl mix.

I love my new job. I'm required to wear black on black with only very subdued color accents. It could be black jeans or dress pants, skirts or dresses, very androgynous to frilly. That is more challenging than colors. I still gravitate to my female patrons.

I enjoy some men very much, as they try to be classy too. I get a little flirty too. Geez I hope I never get my butt kicked for playing! The first step for me is always be a genuine and confident lady.

If you can use any of this you're welcome to, if not it's just Jodybabble. Giggle. Hug. JodyAnn

[Imaginary Spiders]

Thanks everyone this is very helpful information. Tracy I sort of understood what you meant by using the term teenager, which is an analogy that I find quite appropriate. I feel that a part of me is still a teenager who is now finally able to move on and it is very confusing. And when it comes to wearing dresses and skirts in public, I'd only do that at gunpoint at present because that is much too terrifying for me now. There are certain expectations of trans women that I find quite annoying. personally, I plan on wearing men's clothing that passes on women such as men's shirts and shoes. really at this point I just want to wear women's jeans and maybe paint my nails or something. Yesterday I had a conversation in person with a trans woman for the first time ever who knows I am trans. I learned a lot from that 11 minute conversation. basically her approach to transitioning was not to take huge leaps, but to just try something new everyday that's not that noticeable. that is the approach I want to take at first. My first step will be an attempt to be less masculine and then gender neutral and then slowly a bit feminine. But I'm still a bit unsure about clothing. I am completely open about being trans with my mother and we talk about it all the time and she try's to help me out, but unfortunately she doesn't really understand the less dramatic approach that I am trying to take and is trying to encourage me to do things that make me feel uncomfortable. She is my main supporter in this. There are not too many trans girls that are lucky enough to have a mother who just accepts them as being their daughter instantly, though I don't really see myself as being my mother's daughter. So basically I am trying to figure out what I'm going to do ahead of time so I don't make a fool of myself in public.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

90% of the women's rack at Walmart is gender neutral and you would be surprised how many men and boys buy there mostly for the tight lycra. Also, they have a lot of man sizes. That said, what is your size? Under size 12 and six foot with heels, its not hard to get a good pass. I have friends that wear size 4-6 and stand 5-8 (model size) who just kill in anything they wear! The moderate female look you speak of is well understood. Its not about long hair but rather how its styled or breastform size but, rather how it signals a female look and a bit of makeup to reduce the male look. Its about experimentation and finding venues that you can observe others.

[Imaginary Spiders]

Thanks for the advice. I guess it would be a good idea to actually take a look at a women's section for starters, but I am a bit nervous about being seen in one, but you know this year has been a year of courage for me so I know that I can overcome many obstacles. I am about 5'8, medium framed and prefer size 8 clothing, but I am probably a size 6 or 7.