Nervous Nervous Nervous

[Guest]

Hello everyone. Well to say that I had a wonderful time last week while I was in Columbus would be an understatement. Shopping and having the chance to enjoy my feminine side was a pure delight. Alas yes I returned home to uncertainty. I did not know what would wait me. For those who aren't up to speed my SO recently became aware of my crossdressing. This was the first time I had been away from her since that day. Well Charlize you were correct in one of my other posts. You thought she might be interested in my purchases. I arrived home late Friday night and on Saturday morning she came to me and inquired if I had bought any women's clothing. Well I certainly was not going to lie about it. I did confirm to her that I did, she raised an eyebrow and walked away. I thought oh ok that wasn't that bad. Well about an hour later she came and said she wanted to see what I had bought. I said to her I thought you didn't want to know anything. She politely informed me she wanted to see. So I thought Oh Boy here we go. To say I was nervous might not be enough. I told her to give me a few minutes and I went and got my things and laid them out on the bed. I went and got her and told her the things were laid out on the bed. She checked out each and everything. Lots and lots of questions. Where did this come from? How much did it cost? Did you try it on? What dressing room did you use. Same questions on each item. I just kept thinking im dead. Well she finished and didn't say anything else just walked out of the bed room. Didn't said anything to me the rest of the day Saturday. More nervous now than earlier. Then on Sunday night we were setting watching tv. I was reading a magazine and a Soma comerci came on. Of course it caught my attention she saw me checking out the lady in her bra. She looks over at me and says she wants to see me dressed. My heart started racing and I started sweating something awful. I didn't say anything. I couldn't speak. I was totaly caught off guard. The topic has not been brought back up since. Ladies im so nervous. I haven't slept very well and haven't eaten all that much. Here is something I've wanted for so many years and I don't know if I can do it. I'm scared. There are so many questions running through my mind. I don't expect any answers from anyone. I just need time to sort all this out. I just ask all of you to keep me in your thoughts. Hugs to all. Amber

[MaryEllen]

The door is open now. Whatever happens will happen. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Good luck.

MaryEllen

[Guest]

Thank you MaryEllen. Yes the door is open, but still nervous about stepping in. Thank you so much for being such an understanding soul. Hugs. Amber.

[SoSarah]

Amber thanks for sharing. Lots of unknowns will becoming your way. The good thing could be is that you have personal insight with your SO, maybe not on this subject so I hope she's not a total blank sheet in reading her. In my case when looking back she (wife) was more questioning herself. The other thing I will add for now we are all here for you, hopefully she was critiquing your taste. Another thing (sorry just thought of this), if you can find out if or what she's reading to educate herself on the subject, if she gets into a narrow reading vain she might come to some conclusions you have no control in at expanding her thoughts. One book my second wife read, which was really to early on read for where we were at, derailed us. Sarah

[Guest]

Thanks Sarah. Yes Im feeling those unknowns. No further communication on the subject either. We are talking just not about my dressing. I guess the ball is in my court as they say. I would love to intorduce her here so she can get a true understanding. I would love to have her read some of topics in the forums but that is one of those unknowns. I'm going to go slow with all of this. I'm not going to push anything her way. Im feeling very vunarable right now and I feel she senses that. Thank you so much for your input. It never ceases to amaze me how much everyone cares for one another here. I'll keep everyone posted. Hugs. Amber

[Charlize]

Amber i'm not sure if i'm glad i was correct or not. I can certainly feel your nervousness. In my case it was simply fear and uncertainty of what the future would bring. I had avoided the issue all of my life and stood at a major crossroad.

You have been open and honest with her at this point; perhaps more so than ever before. The cards have been dealt and your partner has called to see your hand. While it is the hardest part of the game it also can hold the biggest rewards.

For me it was a time of pain, tears and terror.

There is a saying "no pain no gain". I hope this becomes a gain for you. Mostly it is a matter of accepting the results regardless.

I was extremely lucky and only see the pain as a gain at this point. I hope you will find the same if you go there.

At any rate as mentioned above....you are not alone....we've got your back.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

If she has not yet seen you dressed, I have a suggestion that has worked before, and that is to invite her to help you do it when it happens. Letting her see you and yes, help you, will involve her in your coming out to her. I have known where it ended the mystery, and also where the couple took it slow and talked as it happened. For a couple of couples who tried this, it ended up with the wife wearing one of her spouse's new tops, but loaning out some accessories. It ended up as "you are not so strange after all" and a realization by the wife that there is a very fine line on the "who I will go out with" road map that can be crossed without harm.

[Guest]

Hello everyone. Would just like again to thank everyone for their support. It's because of everyone here that I am able to endure. My SO has not said anything since we last talked. I feel though she may say something over the week end. I have read everyone's words of encouragement over and over and I have decided that I need to take that next step. I realize that it can go either way but I'm tired of all the secrecy and hiding my true self. I'm just going to tell her I'm ready to let her see me. I'm going to keep it simple nothing flashy. If she decides to want to see more ill let her decide that. I'll ask if she wants to pick out what I should wear but I don't think that will happen. Time will tell. I've been as honest as I can be im just hoping that's been enough. If nothing else knowing that I have ladies here who have gone before me and support me is a great comfort. I'll let everyone know what happens. Hugs. Amber.

[Guest Georgia]

My wife was coming in my atelier-office-work room while I composing my answer to your problems.....

My idea is "go on Amber, your SO is very interested and curious about your deep feminine side, go on and dress the best you can.

Hugs and love.

Georgia

[Guest erinanita]

Amber, thanks for being here and telling your story. It brings back so many memories. Sometimes it's just such a long journey and other times it changes quickly. If you want to keep her in your life you need to be completely honest. And I agree with many of the other girls; don't drag it out. Be honest and keep her aware of how it is with you. It may take her a while to decide where she is with her feelings so be gentle with her.

We were 17 years married when I went through a similar situation with my wife. I asked for some panties; she bought them, but really freaked out when she saw me wearing them. Said she thought I was joking! It's been a hell of a journey but 13 years later we do all of our shopping together and help each other dress. We also have several other friends in the same situation.

Good luck,

(((Hugs)))

Thtufus

[tracy_j]

Amber - I think it will really depend on your situation and how things go but the plan to keep things simple sounds good.

The way I have done things is just to carry on as if it is an everyday occurrence. These days it is, but at first it was a case of gradually introducing the clothing, starting with things like feminine jeans, t shirts etc and moving on to skirts and dresses as time went on. That way things go gradually. My partner was never one to ask or discuss things and still usually doesn't. I do notice she looks at me strangely at times when I am sorting my dress or hair but she seldom comments.

Tracy

[Guest Destiny Lynn]

Hi Amber. Wow! Good luck, keep us updated. Hugs, Destiny

[Guest]

Good Morning Ladies. Well I'm headed back home later today. Please be thinking of me. Trying to imagine what will unfold this evening has me very tense. Again thanks to everyone for all the support love each and everyone of you. Hugs. Amber

[Guest Kim Smith]

Hi Amber,

I wish you the best. I went through this with my wife. After 8 years, she is more accepting, but we had to establish rules that we could both live with. A couple examples:

She was concerned about neighbors knowing and being embarrassed, so no going out while dressed.

She had been buying her clothes at Goodwill to save money, and I bought off the rack, so that wasn't fair. We established a budget, and it was not generous.

There are more examples, but here's the point:

The conversations you have with her need to be about what each person is and is not willing do accept. If you and your wife can accept some things together, then you have a future. If you can't, you probably won't. Lying to yourself and to her about what you can live with will only postpone what will happen. Be brutally honest with yourself and gently let her know if she wants something that you cannot live with.

And remember, you cannot change anyone but yourself. You cannot change her, and should not try.

I know this sounds gloomy, but there is hope. If you truly love her and are willing to demonstrate that in many different ways, then she I'll know that. that goes a long way!

Good luck girl!

[Guest]

Hello ladies. Here is the latest. I returned home late Thursday night and my SO was in bed when I arrived. No communication on Friday On Saturday morning as we had breakfast things started out with small talk. How was work Did you get everything done How was the trip etc. Then came the big ones. Did you dress. Did you go out Did you buy anything. Well I answered yes to all of them. What did you wear Where did you go What did you buy. Well I decided to show her some of the photos I took. She checked each one out very closely. Never made any comment about what I was wearing. I showed her the stockings I had bought. Again no comment. I don't know really what to do here. At first I think she shows an interest by asking all these questions and then when I engage back with answers I get nothing. I know she needs time but I'll admit it's very confusing. I try to communicate by answering her questions but get no feed back. On Sunday night I went to her and told her I was sorry for all of this and totaly fell apart. I told her that I loved her more than ever and that I would stop if that was what she wanted. Again it was me communicating. And no response. This morning as I was leaving for work I kissed her goodby and said I loved her and finally a response. "Yeh I Love You Too". Not the most convincing response but some feed back. I can live with this. This is really hard but knowing I have a place to come an express my feelings is very comforting. I'm not giving up on her or me. I pray that things will be alright and even though life might not be as normal as it once was it will get better for both of us. As always thanks to everyone who has provided support and guidance. God Bless you all. Hugs. Amber

[Guest Kim Smith]

vivianmichelle,

I couldn't have said it better! There is hope! Love conquers all.

Amber,

That's right! Don't give up on her or you.

You're on a good path.

We are praying for you.

Kim

[Guest]

Hey thought I touch base with everyone. Been a while since I posted. Been a little bumpy. SO not overly happy ! Asked the big G question the other night and that was tough. I felt she believed my response. Hanging in there though. Will be traveling again on the 16th. That will give us both some space to think about things. Hugs to everyone. Amber

[tracy_j]

Thanks for the update!

Just carry on and hope for the best. It sounds like you are both communicating and the air is not too stressed but it is good for you both to have time to think. It takes two to make a relationship. Just help each other

Good luck

Tracy x

[Guest Eve Caillard]

I am seriously keeping my fingers crossed for you, Amber. Like you, my wife knows about my cross-dressing. I told her straight out. But she wants little to do with it apart from sharing a joke from time to time.

Good luck, please let us know how you get on.

Hugs

Eve

[Vanessa m]

Hey thought I touch base with everyone. Been a while since I posted. Been a little bumpy. SO not overly happy ! Asked the big G question the other night and that was tough. I felt she believed my response. Hanging in there though. Will be traveling again on the 16th. That will give us both some space to think about things. Hugs to everyone. Amber

[Vanessa m]

Seems to me your being very considerate with your wife, find that balance of keeping communication open without pushing to hard.

I'm wishing you all the best in the way it all comes out.

Vanessa

[Guest]

Been a while since I've had the chance to share with everyone. First I want to thank all the wonderful ladies here who have provided support and encouragement. Well it's been chilly at home. Nothing to serious but not the best of times. I was gone for a whole week and didn't dress at all. My heart was just not into it. The Saturday before I left we were shopping and in a Gordmans store and as we walked by the lingerie my so looks over to me and says in a smart tone of voice. I suppose you want to look here don't you. Well I really wanted to but I didnt. I just kept walking by all the pretty things. Again I know it's early and I'm doing my best to make the best of this. I can say if it weren't for all of you here it would be tougher to deal with. Won't leave again until June 1st so I'm just going to take things as they come up. I'll keep you all posted. God bless all of you. Amber.

[Vanessa m]

My heart goes out to you Amber, in this trying time. I had so hoped for a more cheerful update. if I had the magic advice to put things right for you I'd sure pass it along. Best i can come up with is

" good things come to those who wait ",

Here is a (( hug )) for you while you wait.

Vanessa

[Guest]

Thank you Vanessa. Hugs back to you. Amber.

[Charlize]

Amber i certainly know that feeling of walking past the lingerie section with my wife and simply going by as much as i wanted to explore.

With luck time will bring things around for you. Oddly now that years of being me have passed i still remember those feelings. My wife still makes the odd comment but she also has come to accept me as i am. That is a blessing that i never thought i'd have.

Let us know how your trip goes. I loved getting away from the house so i could be myself for years. Like you i'd count the days.

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs,

Charlize