Being accepted

[Charlize]

I shared a bit of this experience with the Thursday night tgaa Adobe meeting but thought i would expand a bit and share it with others here.

Last Thursday i was on a trip to New England for maple syrup supplies and a seminar on sugaring. I spent the night in a town wherei have stayed for similar trips over the years.

When i did my 5th step and discussed my character defects with my sponsor being trans* seemed to me to be my biggest defect. I put myself away and prayed that my HP would remove that defect of character. For three years i was ‘“successful”. I fought my truth as i fought my drinking. I was well on my way to being a dry drunk. The physical craving had gone but i still couldn’t confront my gender issues.

When i went on the trip 6 years ago i took some clothes with me and resolved to go to a women’s meeting in the town.

It was only with the help of my higher power that i was able to get out of the motel room and drive to the meeting.

The only other times i had been out involved the use of alcohol. Gay bars or a few drinks had given me some “strength”.

The meeting like so many was in the church basement. It was a topic, meditation

and sharing meeting with only 6 or 7 women sitting on couches. The topic that evening was honesty. Ouch……My HP had thrown me another painful lifeline. I was in fact doing what seemed another 5th step at a meeting of strangers.

I was honest and to my amazement i was accepted and even embraced by the women there. I had made the first step towards accepting myself as the person i have always been.

With time, the rooms and therapy my life has opened and i have lived as myself for years now.

Well here i was at the same meeting and as i approached the church i was greeted as an old friend by several of the women who remember me.

Being a bit early helped to set up the chairs. The meeting now has over 30 on a regular basis. Perhaps the biggest thing for me was how at ease i felt.

The fear, shame and pain of past years had gone. Simply being there i could feel the change. I’m just another alcoholic woman even if i am a trans* woman.

The meeting had the same format but the circle was so much larger. The topic this time was change. Again my HP provided what i needed to share on.

Now as i shared about how i had changed in part due to my acceptance at this very meeting i could see how my experience could benefit others. I felt a joy and a happiness simply at being myself.

I certainly know “a new freedom and a new happiness.” I do "not regret the past or shut the for on it”. The promises are coming true!

I stayed afterwards for the group meeting and was asked to join the group! Unfortunately i had to decline as i’m not all that active as a member. A possible once a year visit doesn’t make a very active member but i did accept the offer to join the group for dinner after the meeting. We had a lovely time.

I am truly blessed to be an alcoholic in recovery. The phrase “i’m a grateful alcoholic” fits now in ways i never could have thought of when i first crawled into the rooms of AA.

Hugs,

Charlize an alcoholic