I Hate School

[Guest sara w.]

In grade 5 and down, I could cry anytime I wanted, the girls I hung out with though it was kinda cool, but now, I can never cry, and I just wana cry about that, but I cant, i havn't cried, since before 08, the only way I could possibly cry is with extream emotional or physical pain, and the emotional pain I am already suffering isn't close enough to make me cry, as for physical i am numb to it all. Theres no real reason for this I just needed to vent, and im sorry if this was anoying, or not what you expected to find, but this helps me feel better.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Baby - are you on HRT? I can cry when the cat throws up a hairball (so sad!)

Lizzy

[Guest ashley4623]

No, don't worry, we're here to listen -- and you're not being annoying

For me it's sort of the same. If I'm in extreme emotional pain, it's very easy for me to cry. But if I'm not and I have a good reason to, it can be hard to get those emotions flowing. Sometimes you want to cry, but just can't -- I think that that's probably normal. Maybe others can confirm this?

But overall in my entire I think I've cried more than average... From an early age I've always been this way. I used to cry all the time at school, and everyone was sort of like.... Oh my goodness is wrong with you? Why are you so sensitive? I remember from when I was about 14-15 on I would cry at least 2-4 times a week at night before going to bed until the point I realized why I was crying. See I thought I knew why, I thought I was depressed because I was single. But in retrospect I was depressed because I didn't have myself (If you know what I mean)... When I discovered that I may be TS, this made everything fit into place, and I udnerstood everything i felt for once. It all fit together and made perfect sense.

For some reason discovering that makes it harder to cry about in a way--I don't get it. Maybe you can build up an immunity to what you cry about? That's my theory. I mean think of it this way--when you lose a loved one you cry a LOT, but as time goes on you learn to deal with it, and cry less and less --- that's not to say that you don't miss them, of course you do! Of course you're sad about their loss, but you just learn to deal with it better as time goes on.

Sometimes when I want to cry but it's very hard to, I find that if I listen to really sad music I can bring myself to release my emotions. I think that this is very important, because when you experience something that makes you feel this way, you really need to experience it fully, and cry if necessary, and then (at least for me) you'll feel better that you've released your emotions, and you can move past them. It's sort of like bottling up anger I guess.

The other thing strange I've noticed about myself is that things that shouldn't make me cry make me want to. For example I could be in my car driving, and the weather is perfect, and I'm at perfect peace with everything, and then this powerful song comes on (it's not really sad, its just so GOOD) --- and for some reason that all just adds up and makes me want to cry. It's sort of like when something is so good, or so happy, you want to cry. That's one thing I don't understand about myself, sometimes I can look at an inanimate object, and for some odd reason--It'll make me want to cry. This happens to me a LOT.

Anyway, I didn't mean to post this much, but I couldn't help but do so. I hope someone can get something out of it, and you don't see it as a huge irrelevant ramble

[Guest Sakura_Stingray]

i know how you feel....after middleschool the only thing that would make me cry would be knowing i had no friends and bein beatin on......then after i would lose all emotions except for pain to cry.. one of the things i wish i could do most of all is cry but it gets harder and harder to cry

[Guest karma]

I thought I was the only one like that. I stoped crying for the mots part when my dad stoped beating me. Now the only time I can cry is when Im in total mental angoush, or in an extream amount of pain. I build up so much all I want to do is cry but I cant. I try to force it out and it wont come. and that upsets me even more untill all I can do is scream out load. So your not the only one. I hope you feel beter, HUGS

Always Karma

[Guest ~Brenda~]

In grade 5 and down, I could cry anytime I wanted, the girls I hung out with though it was kinda cool, but now, I can never cry, and I just wana cry about that, but I cant, i havn't cried, since before 08, the only way I could possibly cry is with extream emotional or physical pain, and the emotional pain I am already suffering isn't close enough to make me cry, as for physical i am numb to it all. Theres no real reason for this I just needed to vent, and im sorry if this was anoying, or not what you expected to find, but this helps me feel better.

Dear Sara!!

I cry at the drop of the hat!! I know all too well your predicament... you feel that you cannot show your emotions and that is driving you crazy!! Well my dear if crying is what you have to do (and I know!!) then cry dear, even if that means waiting until you are in the bathroom and you can only cry silenlty.... but cry dear it is so theraputic!!

Here... think of this... There is someone in this world that you think really does not like you... so you don't like her either!!! Every chance you have, you ignore her... then one day.. silently, she picks a flower and gives it to you... she loves you.

bernii

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Don't you feel there are at least a hundred ways to cry?

I mean tears of joy - a sad song - having your life riddiculed - death of a beloved pet - hitting your thumb with a hammer!

It took me 35 years to cry for my first wife who died at age 28.

It takes me .01 seconds to cry about my Daddy dying and darn it... if I am not crying right now..

Sometimes I can't cry - and i just save it for later I guess. Go figure.

Just some thoughts

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

I think that crying is an incredible release. It is like a hug. A touch, and it's something that you can give yourself...

I hardly ever cried for 40 years....just couldn't ...

But since coming out and accepting myself (NOT at the start of hormones) I have been able to cry at anything...

I'll be sitting and put my face in my hands and start to cry...Wife says "What's the matter? and I say "Nothing, why?"

It's THAT easy anymore....

Sara...I feel that the ability is a gift to one's self....to cry, express, release....I hope that anyone who is unable right now will find it in themselves to be able to cry....

It's a precious thing!

All My Love

Donna Jean

[Guest KIMGIRL]

Well little Miss you have some strong words Sara I must say ,

I Love your thoughts of Gods work !

As for school , it becomes clear as we go through life we will never stop learning .

I can honestly say I wish I was in grade school now in this time line , for now you have a great learning process with the use of computers . Please be wise and stay in school and learn all you can learn . The most important thing is to stay young as long as possible , don't try to grow up too fast that will happen in it's own time .

TIME . My next topic I just thought of that thanks Sara .

your new friend

Kimberly

[Guest sara w.]

Baby - are you on HRT? I can cry when the cat throws up a hairball (so sad!)

Lizzy

I wish I was, but if I had therapy, I bet they would say "sorry your missed your chance" or somthing like that, I wana be on HRT soo bad, but my mom dosnt even know, and im 14, and if I did go on HRT I would have an extreamly deep voice, for a girl.

Dear Sara!!

I cry at the drop of the hat!! I know all too well your predicament... you feel that you cannot show your emotions and that is driving you crazy!! Well my dear if crying is what you have to do (and I know!!) then cry dear, even if that means waiting until you are in the bathroom and you can only cry silenlty.... but cry dear it is so theraputic!!

Here... think of this... There is someone in this world that you think really does not like you... so you don't like her either!!! Every chance you have, you ignore her... then one day.. silently, she picks a flower and gives it to you... she loves you.

bernii

actually I didn't show my emotions for so long I can't use them, and now my emotions are building up to a point, where im going to have an emotional explotion! and I just am so confused, I know im transgendered but theres so much else im confused about and I going nuts!

[Guest Sarah Faith]

actually I didn't show my emotions for so long I can't use them, and now my emotions are building up to a point, where im going to have an emotional explotion! and I just am so confused, I know im transgendered but theres so much else im confused about and I going nuts!

I know how you feel, I did the same thing and up until somewhat recently I thought I had completely lost the ability to cry as well. (I'm 24 now) I spent the last 10 years bottling everything up, and eating my emotions so I could be stoic towards everything. You can still cry, all the emotions you've buried away just to survive at school (and at home perhaps) are still there. In my case they did eventually cause an emotional explosion, in a way.. I ended up having non-stop panic attacks and anxiety, eventually insomnia and drowsiness at the same time. It wasn't until I decided to face my situation and do something about it that these problems started ease off, and now I have found my self crying here and there simply out of relief.

You will find them again, its just a way of coping to avoid the all the emotional pain we have to go through just by being who we are. As for your voice, there is a great guide on the internet to try and help teach you how to train your voice to sound feminine. I used a guide much like it to find my girl voice years ago, it came naturally to me though because I do impressions and voices for fun anyways.. but its still possible! I'm 24 turning 25 in 2 months and I'm just now starting therapy so at 14 its definitely not too late for you. Just remember your not alone.

[Sally]

Sara,

I wish I could tell you something that would make you cry, I don't know what will be your trigger.

Now that you are ready to let yourself cty, something one day will start the first tears and from that point on trying not to cry will be the problem - I cary when I read about half of the posts here.

Some of the stories that I wrote still make me cry everytime I read them - even ones that weren't meant to make anyone cry - my cookie story still makes me cry just to think of it.

Once it starts, get a good supply of tissues!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest katiewana]

I agree with Sally, there was a long time when I was totally unable to cry for any reason, then one day something hit a switch in me and I cry all the time now. For me it started my first summer at the naval academy, on the night my senior chief noticed morale was dropping pretty low and took all us newbies and read us a couple medal of honor citations for sailors and marines he had met in his career. I was blubbering like a baby thinking about someone making that kind of sacrifice for his comrades. Just thinking about that night still brings tears to my eyes. You just need to open yourself up to feeling your emotions really deeply, I can be tough especially if you haven't had an easy life but just try and put yourself in the place you are those times you do cry and it will come.

Kate