I'm finally out or am I?

[Guest sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Ladies,

Sandra Here,

Yesterday I told my wife that I liked to wear woman's cloths. I have been a cross dresser for as long as I can remember. I've been married for 36 years now and in the early 90's my wife caught me dressed. She didn't leave me then, thank god, and we continued life with Sandra in the closet. After I retired my need to dress increases and again about two years ago she found panties in my under ware drawer. We had some discussion and she told me that she knew that I wore woman's cloths all the time. I didn't deny it.

My wife has had two back surgeries since January so I have been doing the wash, cleaning and cooking while trying to slip in some of my own work. I have been putting my panties and other girly things in the wash for my wife to wash for about two years now with an occasional lacy one coming up missing when the wash was done.

A week ago Friday, I started the laundry, including two lacy boy short panties in the mix. I had to leave the house and while I was gone my wife, who is recovering slowly, pulled things from the dryer and discovered the lacy panties. During our discussion yesterday she told me that she had thrown them out and had taken two white bras out of my drawer and hidden them.

I asked my wife if she had done any research on cross dressing recently and she said no. We had covered that in the early 90's using her college psychology book.

I need help finding relevant material on cross dressing that will help my wife understand why I like to wear woman's cloths. For that matter, I would like to have more information myself. I have spent quite a bit of time reading Laura's and other web sites related to cross dressing. I truly love my wife and I want to do all I can to help her understand me. My feminine side is a part of me and I can't shove Sandra back into a box again.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

Hugs

Sandra

[VickySGV]

Hi Sandra, being out is not a one time one person and once and for all one stop deal. It is actually a journey that goes on nearly forever if you feel it necessary. I came out a few hours ago by putting a letter in the mail box to the chair person of my high school class's 50th re-union. Ten years ago when I last saw them I was not even close to coming out. My current status of Trans* is in my signature line here. You are out now in my belief pattern.

I am concerned for you and your wife that she is throwing your things away. That is a terrible thing for her to do and indicates that she insists on being in control of your life without regard to your feelings. Maybe it's time for a night out with the "girls" at the local laundromat and a "keep your cotton picking hands off my cotton undies lady" agreement with her. She will lose if she breaks it although you are not expressing real rage here. Please do look around here, and do listen to our experience. Here you can be you though.

[Charlize]

You are certainly more out than i was for a great deal of time. I simply hid my clothing well out of site and possible discovery. I had learned that i had to do that as a child and carried it through most of my life. When i finally did come out to my wife i simply removed all of his clothing and recycled them. Perhaps transition was easier for me in that regard because my family had two choices and fortunately they chose to try to understand. Your situation and desires are different. Transition isn't for all of us for sure but your need to dress is no less strong. While we often suggest that members see a gender therapist when contemplating transition they can be extremely helpful for crossdressers as well. That is especially true in their ability to explain the need to a partner so that you can find support rather than judgement.

Your dressing makes her uncomfortable but your honesty will hopefully give you a path towards mutual comfort.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Sandra. I pretty much agree with what my colleagues advised. I do think that some couples therapy might help, and certainly a heart to heart talk with your wife is essential. That said, I did find some resources that might help her understand things better. The second link will take you to a page with tons of listings for books, blogs and other resources. I wish you luck.

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/resources/polare-archive/archived-articles/helping-wives-of-cross-dressers-to-understand-and-cope.htm

http://www.crossdreamers.com/2015/08/resources-for-partners-of-transgender.html

http://www.crossdresserswives.com/

Carolyn Marie

[Guest sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Ladies,

Thank you for your kind replies and leads to information. I guess that I'm looking for answers for my wife as well as myself for why I cross dress. I do not want to become a woman, I'm not gay, I just want to be accepted as me. My plan now is to print off a couple of documents that talk about the "why he cross dresses" and order a book or two that we can both read. I love my feminine self and I'm hoping that with more information my wife will have a better understanding of cross dressing and me.

I want to be able to answer her question from the other day. "why do you want to wear woman's panties. They don't fit you properly" (All my panties fit very well. I haven't lost anything yet.)

I know that I will always have a very strong feminine side. I only hope that my wife will grow to understand me and accept me the way I am.

As always, thanks for listening.

Hugs

Sandra