trans and sponsorship

[lizzy16]

So I've always been taught in AA that the men stick with the men and the women with the women. How in the world would trans people fit into that model? What are everybody's opinions/views on sponsorship as a trans person?

I personally love my sponsor chain, and they've all helped me out so much. If I'm truly trans, and I know I'm looking into the future/dwelling on my fears and the problem instead of the solution, but if I am truly trans, would I have to find a female sponsor? And would I then be "qualified" to start sponsoring women? Again, I know I'm looking too far ahead and not fully realizing that God has a plan for me already laid out and that I need to just trust the process, but this is something that's been bothering me for a little while now. Any help would be appreciated.

[Charlize]

Lizzy the sponsorship thing is definitely a puzzle. I presently have a male sponsor. He is a great guy who works a good program and i love his sobriety. At the same time i have my eyes open and would certainly go to a female sponsor if one came who i thought would work for me.

We are in an odd zone and the powers that be in the program don't know the answer to that problem either. i was able to help a bit on the new LGBT flyer that AA is coming up with fairly soon. Sponsorship was an issue for our community.

The issue is in part one of a sponsor taking advantage of his or her spouse's. It forgets the fact that attraction is often not gender specific even in the cis population.

I sponsor both male and female sponsees as well as trans. My simple rule of thumb is to openly talk about the fact that if sexual attraction becomes an issue we have to break up the relationship.

Any person including a trans* person can sponsor anyone. The suggestion of m2m and f2f is simply that, a suggestion. Circumstances rule as AA itself has no actual hard rules simply traditions and suggestions.

My 2 cents only.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Liz and Charlize.

Been a while since posting but thought I would weigh in.

I came out to a straight male sponsor of five years after visiting a gender therapist. He was a friend and I was afraid of being rejected since we socialized as two couples. He was supportive but died a year later. I got a gay sponsor next because I needed help in the coming out process. He was helpful but very busy and didn't understand gender issues. During the subsequent divorce, I switched to a female sponsor and we are good for each other even though my path led to being gender fluid or andro in appearance rather than transitioning to full female presentation. My sponsees and a few folks know I have a female sponsor. Who else knows, cares, or gossips is none of my business. While women often sit with women and men men, there are no strict divisions in meetings I attend. Sometimes I sit in seats with more women than men, other time sit with my non macho male friends. I usually wear female gender neutral clothes unless it's a work outfit which is Gender irrelevant. My appearance changed from typical male to long hair and ear studs. Since I had come out to all friends and sponsees it only was commented on by those outside the loop but eventually became the new reality and is simply who I am.

Bottom line: i would not hesitate to get a female sponsor again since I can discuss anything comfortably. I also sponsored a woman in a nearby town for a year.

Good luck and do what you need to do to stay sober and be the person God wants you to be :-)

M

[Guest]

Hi Liz and Charlize.

Been a while since posting but thought I would weigh in.

I came out to a straight male sponsor of five years after visiting a gender therapist. He was a friend and I was afraid of being rejected since we socialized as two couples. He was supportive but died a year later. I got a gay sponsor next because I needed help in the coming out process. He was helpful but very busy and didn't understand gender issues. During the subsequent divorce, I switched to a female sponsor and we are good for each other even though my path led to being gender fluid or andro in appearance rather than transitioning to full female presentation. My sponsees and a few folks know I have a female sponsor. Who else knows, cares, or gossips is none of my business. While women often sit with women and men men, there are no strict divisions in meetings I attend. Sometimes I sit in seats with more women than men, other time sit with my non macho male friends. I usually wear female gender neutral clothes unless it's a work outfit which is Gender irrelevant. My appearance changed from typical male to long hair and ear studs. Since I had come out to all friends and sponsees it only was commented on by those outside the loop but eventually became the new reality and is simply who I am.

Bottom line: i would not hesitate to get a female sponsor again since I can discuss anything comfortably. I also sponsored a woman in a nearby town for a year.

Good luck and do what you need to do to stay sober and be the person God wants you to be :-)

M

Would you look who's here welcome home and don't be a stranger!!!

[Charlize]

So good to see you Michelle. I'm glad your finding comfort being yourself.

I had the chance to be a speaker at a cis gendered meeting and am amazed at how comfortable i've become sharing my experience, strength and hope with fellow alcoholics trying to get and stay sober. I'm free to be me and that is something i never expected when i was simply under the impression that sobriety simply had to do with not drinking. That alone is a miracle but the results of the steps and the program are so much more.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Michelle 2010]

Hi darlings

As you know, I try to stop in but after lengthy absences I sometimes feel a little short of words but my heart is always with you two in particular and LP as a whole. God works in mysterious ways and I'm living proof lol. I try to spread Hope and trusting HP when I share. Gtg right now. Even though I may not always reply I really appreciate the warm welcome when I stop in. Being sober and working the program of aa has given me a life I never could have hoped for. Stay the course girls!