Haven't drank

[Jennifer T]

Since the beginning of June. But I'm noticing how much fun I'm not while I'm not drinking. I'm heavy. One of the benefits of drinking was that I lightened up a lot. I'm a happy drinker; I laugh at everything and make others laugh as well. Not sure this is a good trade off.

[Charlize]

Jennifer i'm not surprised your not having "fun" sober. I remember when i lost my best friend...alcohol. I was a miserable, upset, angry person for awhile. Slowly i've found a way of living and enjoying others that is better than that old fun ever was. I was at my home group meeting being embraced and loved by cis gendered folks who know me well. We laugh work and cry together. Like you those early in recovery struggle but they find a path one day at a time. I have grown to love seeing the change. Soon they are reaching out to help others and realize that there is a life without drinking. I drank for years and it took time to break those habits and needs. I have the disease of alcoholism and i'm not ashamed to admit it. I went to get help from those who understand it best. They are the ones who suffer the same disease and have found a fun beyond my wildest dreams.

Keep up the great work!

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

In many ways, I envy you Charlize. So many things are very foreign to me.

Peace

[Charlize]

Jennifer please just hang in there. I'm not enviable just another child of a higher power. I've found i'm powerless over so many things. The one thing i've gained perhaps is the desire to reach out to help others. Give yourself time in sobriety and if you can the fellowship of a group like AA and it can bring a peace that helps each day.

The first steps are always the hardest but we only make one at a time so don't worry about the future.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

[Michelle 2010]

Why stop? Most people quit because of consequences: such as, legal, health, marital, etc. some stop for a while just to prove to themselves they can, then resume drinking. If you are an alcoholic, it is progressive and will tighten its grip on you, leading you to a point where it consumes your mind and body.. Alcohol started off allowing me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It worked for a long time. It was like a good and trusted friend. Eventually I suffered a complete inability to stop even for a day, even though it no longer was a source of pleasure. If you need help, Charlize is right, AA can change your life. I will be attending a 7am meeting in an hour, outdoors, watching the sun rise over a small nature preserve. AA helps us come alive just like the rising sun awakens that nature preserve. Best wishes,

M

[Guest]

Yes mid very seriousness and some tears an AA meetings is the best place to find much laughter. Try a few open meetings, you don't have to identify as an alcoholic to go. Probably at least one meetings will be more fun than a comedy club. We can all laugh at ourselves for some of our drinking past and why not drinking is so fun now.

[Guest Kelly Girl]

Hi Jennifer T :-)

I have some time sober now , and I too suffered the No Fun syndrome , even when I got involved in AA . I never stuck around AA long enough to understand why the hell everyone was so sickening happy most of the time , and it drove me crazy . I eventually stuck around long enough , only because the pain got so great , I realized that being genuine , honest , WILLING , and vulnerable was the key to this happy kingdom . I have since developed a lifestyle and beliefs through AA's principals that taught me , " Kelly Girl , life ain't supposed to be peaches and cream all the time , so hang on , help others when you suck and your life sucks , and this shi$ will pass " ...

I know now this to be true Jennifer .

I don't attend allot of meetings anymore , I do advise people that their journey should start there though to develop the life skills that make you be and think unlike you think now . I love AA , I will never forget "IT" saved my life , and now I have one . I help people now for FUN , Alkiholics , Transgender , Homeless , anyone I can .

I got all that from AA .

Life without Alkihol is AWESOME .

Just know one thing though , if your alkiholic , even if you stop the booze , feeling irritable , discontent is part of the disease , and part of the human experience ALWAYS . Just be aware of that when its happening , and it will pass .

I have over a decade , I know this to be TRUTH , Mine :-)

[Jennifer T]

I quit fighting. Tired of fighting.

[Charlize]

Oddly when i go involved with AA and followed a simple program the fight became easy and almost fun. Sorry you are seeing it as a fight still. I think i would have lost that as well. I knew i couldn't do it alone.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

Oh Charlize, simply ' existing' is a fight.

[Jennifer T]

But hey, it's all good. :-)

[Charlize]

Jennifer if nothing else simply keeping the lines open is certainly good. It wasn't easy for me to walk into the rooms of AA. I was going to attempt to loose the best friend and the worse enemy i had. Then i saw the word God and almost bolted. Oddly all of that passed. I enjoy life and also suffer in life without needing or using alcohol. My concept of a higher power is mine alone and doesn't necessarily start with a capital letter. At times i think it is mostly simply in the wonderful fellowship of others who have this addiction.

I can love now and feel worthy of love by something other than a liter of bottom shelf vodka.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

There was a recent post about being 'socially inept'. I am the personification of that phrase. Honestly, I don't 'fit in' with groups. I've no other way to explain it. I am a loner, whether by nature or nurture, it is what I am. I am fortunate that I found my wife and we've been together a very long time. But even still there are places in my heart where only I go. And there I face my demons alone.

The word 'God' never frightens me. I believe in God with every fiber of my being. And I believe he/she knew exactly how alone my journey would be and thus brought my wife into my life. And whether singing praises of exultation in a tabernacle, communing with the natural world in the beauty of creation Or simply staring at the empty chasm of that bottom shelf vodka, God is there. In the words of David, "Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into Heaven, thou art there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou are there."

Maybe I am a vessel such as Paul spoke of when he penned the words to the Romans, "Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel into honour, and another unto dishonour?"

I'll never be a thing of beauty or desire. Just a broken lump of clay.

Peace.

[Charlize]

I will say this that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and i see it in you as much as any creation. The only way i've found to loose my perception of being inept is to move slowly into a different realm. Last night at a meeting we were laughing with a dear woman who just celebrated two years of sobriety. When she arrived she wore a baseball cap pulled down over her face and had her head low in hiding. What a smile she shows today!

There is a great saying in AA that worked for me. "We will love you until you can love yourself."

Love you...

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

Charlize, you certainly are inimitable in your zest and zeal!! You're a good person. I admire you for what you've accomplished in life and I respect you for your journey.

Peace be with you this day.

Jennifer