Confused Crossdresser!

[Guest Angelica Alice]

I consider myself a crossdresser. Angelica is my escape. Dressing/Acting/Seeing myself as a girl really makes me feel that I am more authentic. However I would consider it a hobby. If I had a choice between being male or female, I would definitely chose female in a heartbeat!

I wouldn't consider myself as transsexual. The feeling of transitioning is overwhelming and that definitely makes me reluctant to even think of transitioning. The desire is just not there.

I feel comfortable being male. I like male fashion of course! I love ties and suits and sometimes I design my own fashion looks. I would love to wear those suits. However, I also love female fashion! I would love to design for Kate Middleton and wear her dresses.

I love having my male part, however at times I think it would also pleasure me having a female role with a female experience with a dreamy guy.

Apart from the actual dressing up, It's all fantasy really. However, I would love to experiment more, to actually try to live full on as a female to see if it's really my authentic self. It's more of a guilty pleasure.

Please feel free to share your thought? Comments? Or questions?

[Charlize]

I sounds like you are not particularly confused. Perhaps the experimentation you speak about is just what you need to do. i found that for me there is no reason to feel guilty about being me unless i'm hurting myself or others.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

To alleviate one element of your "confusion" quickly and humanely, transitioning is overwhelming to even those of us who do it so you are not alone even with those of us who have "gone the distance".

My suggestion would be to look at the idea of going to TG Conventions where you can be cross dressed for several days at a time. There are even TG ocean cruises where you can be en-femme for the entire cruise at all or partial times. Your geographic location is a bit confusing, but if you are in the U.S. there are also groups such as Society for the Second Self. aka Tri-Esse which give members safe places to be themselves.

[tracy_j]

Hi Angelica

I can relate quite well to what you are saying.

I tend to dream a lot and have fantasies similarly. That said, things are somewhat more towards transition with me as, outside of work, I tend to be dressed female most of the time, and have many feminine hobbies like sewing, embroidery, dressmaking and other artistic things. I pretty much life an androgyne lifestyle.

With me it is a more 'mental' thing as I still have my male parts and have no great issues with them. I find I forget they exist.

Over time though I have found that I am more comfortable being female. I find the clothes feel and look better. There is more choice. My pace of life seems more relaxed. One of the main issues though, apart from still legally being male so having to be aware that I may have to 'out myself' at times, is interfacing back to the male world as a female. It is amusing at times (at least after the event), on seeing something related to my technical hobbies (more male) and having to react to it. Although it should not be a problem, I find appearing too knowlegeable in a male environment is very uncomfortable!

I think it is a case of just relaxing and letting the 'inner woman' surface. If she exists then she will bloom. Vicky has some good ideas there as you could learn in a safe environment and gain confidence. It does take a while to be relaxed in who one is, even when confident of the path to follow

Tracy

[Carolyn Marie]

Cross dressing allows one to have the best of both worlds, if only for a while. It is perfectly fine to have this as a "hobby," and give yourself time to experience it and also gain experience in the male world. You are young, and have lots of time to explore both the world and your own inner self. There is no reason to choose right now. Just enjoy the experiences that come your way.

Sexuality is a different story, and over time, you may find that you are drawn to women, or to men, or to both. That is another thing that experience may sort out for you.

Unlike those right leaning souls who are certain not only who they are, but are certain about who all the rest of us are, the world is, in fact, a complicated place. Gender and sexuality are no less complicated. At some time in the future, you may want to talk things over with a gender therapist, hon. In the meantime, Happy Exploring!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Clair Dufour]

In recent studies almost 50% of young people identified as being some level of bi-sexual. While I haven't seen any studies regarding gender, looking around any school, shows a high percentage of gender diversity from the traditional norm and 0.2% of people who identify as trans* In other words, your not alone. While girls dressing like boys is so common that we don't even notice it or even consider it crossdressing. For boys there are still do not cross lines and social stigma by a good number of people. But, for the most part, anything short of skirts, heels and breastforms are part of most Emo, Punk or, in some cases, queer boys wardrobe.

A lot of schools have LGBT groups which is a good place to start and you don't even have to pass a test to join. Also, it sounds like you have the Fashion Gene or like Wesley Snipes said "... just too much fashion sense for just one gender" . You will find that most men in the fashion and style business think very much like you do regardless of sexual preference. In most of California there are many places you can go to dress as you like and meet people to help you with how to do it and have fun.

[Mayo]

An interesting post as it mimics some of the uncertainties I feel as well. You say that CDing is just a hobby for you, but at the same time you'd switch gender in an instant if you could (what I call the 'magic wand' transition); the challenges, fears and uncertainties of 'real world' transition in the face of minimal gender dysphoria may overwhelm any desire you have to actually make the switch, though it's something you seem to want (I feel the same way). You use the phrase 'authentic', but I can't tell if you mean 'you are expressing an authentic part of yourself' (which is how I experience it) or if you mean 'your female costume looks more real', which implies that it is indeed something you 'put on' and not truly a part of you. If you would prefer to be female, perhaps you really do have an internal feminine aspect and your dressing is more than 'just' a hobby - this could be where your confusion arises. If it really is integral to you then perhaps you might be bigender or otherwise non-binary.

[Guest AshleighP]

Sometimes I think "confused" and "crossdresser" are synonyms. ?

[Tanya]

I enjoy being a male...sometimes.  When I'm dressed as a woman I feel free.  I guess I am bi.  As my biological self I am attracted to women and to this day I still have sex with women.  However, while having sex with women I imagine being them.  When I am dressed as a woman I am totally attracted to men.  I guess its that role.  While dressed as a woman I prefer to have sex with men. And I think I like having sex with a man better.  I also imagine not having my male part as well.  I would transition in a heartbeat if I could.  But I do not think I will.  I guess its like having the best of both worlds.  As a man, I couldn't have sex with another man.  I have to be dressed as a girl to be with a man.  This is pretty confusing i guess.  giggle giggle 

[DaHudie Biz]

It's not too confusing if it is change for the better.  Sound like you are growing and going. Know that's what you should do.  Know and grow.

[DaHudie Biz]

On Sunday, July 17, 2016 at 7:44 PM, Charlize said:

I sounds like you are not particularly confused. Perhaps the experimentation you speak about is just what you need to do. i found that for me there is no reason to feel guilty about being me unless i'm hurting myself or others.

Hugs,

Charlize

Be you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!