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crossdressing


morrv021

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I'm new to this cross dressing. I have gotten more and more into wearing women's clothes every chance I can. I'm married so I have to hide it and do it when I can. I'm nervous and scared. I have bought nore clothes and even polished my nails. I love the thought and feeling of being feminine. So how can I calm down before I get caught or open up about this. I'm not trying to stop and want this to be who I am.

Thanks

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello and welcome to Laura's,

As been suggested at times, since you are not trying to stop and you say this is who you are, seeking out a gender therapist to help you sort things out would certainly make you feel better. Even for just a few sessions. Talking to another person who is not invested in your life would provide the relief you seek and help you look at this calmly. You can then decide how to proceed in talking to your spouse.

Jani

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Well I think with the advice I have given so far that has to be my best option is to seek out counseling and go from there. At least I can get a solid direction from a party that don't know me or judge me for being in a person I want to be. Again thanks for the advice.

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Guest AshleighP

Hello and welcome! Your story is not unlike many that been shard here. There is lots of great advice, encouragement, and acceptance to be found here. Feel free to ask questions and post thoughts. Baby steps are the best way to approach coming out to a spouse. Enjoy your journey.

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Ashleigh you mentioned baby steps. I took a leap of faith and test my confidence today. I wore a sports bra at the gym today. And yesterday I polished my nails and left it on. Is that to much or is that a start to boost my confidence

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  • Forum Moderator

That is definitely a start, Good!  But the nail polish may draw out comments you aren't prepared to address; whether with family, friends or acquaintances.  So make sure you don't get caught "speeding" by going faster in this journey than you're prepared for.   I'm glad you decided a counselor would be a good choice.  

Jani

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest AshleighP

Definitely a great start. Every step boosts confidence and makes you more sure of who you are. Take it slow and remember, most people are too busy with their own lives to notice you and what you're wearing.

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So true Ashleigh--I went out to the beach and no one batted an eye at me in my swimsuit and no make-up!

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  • 1 month later...

Hey Ihave been way for a little bit been really really busy and havent posted in a while. Just a little update. I'm doing fine and happy as can be as I progress in my life style changes. I have been buying more and more clothes and I get to wear my clothes freely. It was a little stressful for a few days to get to this point after I left a pair of my panties in the wrong place and had to answer for that. So from that point she said if I want to wear it I buy it she just don't want me wearing her clothes and when she needs them they are not there. So for me that was a load of my back. I previously mentioned nail Polish. That has expanded and now I get pretty manicured and pedicured nails. So I have made progress. So my question is what's next to improve on for me. Thanks for any input.

 

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  • Forum Moderator

Congratulations on being able to express yourself more.

as to what else you can do. I started to slowly pluck and raise my eyebrows.  While many women don't bother many do and it feels good (but hurts) and definitely feminizes the face.  It also has the advantage of being somewhat subtle and isn't noticed by many especially if you go at it slowly.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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I don't plan on trying to open any more doors at this point, I'm going let the dust settle on the progress I have made so far sure don't need to have a door slammed in my face. I will take all the time I need to reach my goal MtF.

 

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Guest Eve Caillard

Hi and welcome Morry

I feel for you. If you have a look back through my posts you'll see I became a CD in my mid 50s. I told my wife straight away when I realised what was happening (it's impossible to hide the ridiculous amount of clothes and boots I have acquired anyway!) It was a very scary thing to do for me, but I've loved and trusted her for years and felt that trust had to come first. She's not keen on my CD world but at least I don't have to hide it.

My advice might not suit your situation, and the advice of baby steps and a counsellor is good.  I have found the girls here a tremendous support and you'll be in good hands here!

Good luck and keep us posted!

Hugs

Eve

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  • 2 months later...

Hello again. I am wondering why do I feel like I'm in a rut right now, I feel like I'm in a race and know I'm going to loose so I just kinda jog along hoping too get to the end and that's were I feel with my dressing. I still wear my bras and panties and I keep getting manicure and pedicures and I have been get my eyebrows done but I don't see where I'm gaining ground especially still being mostly discrete apart from what my wife knows I do like my panties and she sees my nails and knows I use the body lotion. But I am lost as to what will push me to finish the race. Anyone have any thoughts on this and is this normal. Thanks xoxo

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Morrov.  Maybe you are content where you are.  I know i sent many years dressing in private and being "content" with that.  I was busy living life and at the time didn't dare make my dreams a reality.  Many never feel a need to do more.  Why take on the difficulties of transition.  It isn't an easy process.  If you can find peace with yourself now fantastic!  Just because some transition to different extents does not make one phase superior or another less than.  If you are not feeling content then perhaps it is time to see a gender therapist.  This is not a race but instead a path to a peace and acceptance of ourselves.  As far as normality...... i'm no longer sure that such a thing exists.  I do know that many with gender issues want answers that only they can answer.  Time and the help of a therapist helped me find mine.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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  • 9 months later...

Hello everyone its been a while since I have been on here and posted anything. So here I am because I believe there are many who will understand. I think I got over excited about cross dressingand went to far eespecially since I was keeping my lifestyle from my wife, I been doing manicures and pedicures using, b&b lotions female soaps, buying more panties and bras and having fun until things started to be noticed and now after 10 years of married I think its pretty much going to end and now I have hit true side of depression and not sure how to deal with it. Any words of wisdom from those who have had to weather this kind of storm would be helpful.

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I let my ex-wife know a few months after I started cross dressing again. I would say that conversation did not go very well. Partly because I did not know where it was going, I thought I was "just" a cross dresser and that would be it. Over the next few months I realized it was more than that. In the end, we divorced. In hindsight it was not because I was trans. That was more of a catalyst for everything else going wrong in our marriage. I felt very neglacted and pretty much stopped caring about the relationship. She-I'm sure had her issues with me, the one thing of note was that I didn't talk about my feelings with her (my dysphoria was probably to blame there).

 

This is not the kind of storm we could weather through and ignore each others feelings, nor could I keep mine just for the sake of hers. Neither was healthy. I did tell her after a weekend of not being him, I did not want to go back. Two weeks later we were separated, and later divorced.

 

 

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  • Forum Moderator

I hid my dressing for years.  Try to be as kind and loving as you can with your wife.  It was hard for me to truly open up.  There were tears but finally honesty and in the end acceptance.  While it isn't always easy we have weathered the storm. Best of luck.  Your not alone in this struggle!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Morrov, I have lived a similar path as Charlize, hiding my cross dressing and feminine feelings.  I came out to my wife about two years ago and have moved forward very slowly since.  She would still rather have just a man round rather than  man in woman’s cloths but accepts me as I am.

 

At 73 I feel very comfortable with my life and my feminine expression.  I do not plan on starting HRT or having any surgery. I’m happy with my body and how I dress it.

 

Good luck in your journey.

 

Hugs

 

Sndra

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  • 9 months later...

The Best Way To Start CDing To Me Is Wearing "Undergarnents" (Lingerie)...I Love Wearing My Bras and Panties Everyday.

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      happy trans birthday! I can't speak personally on the subject, but I hope hormones bring you the changes you're looking for <3 
    • MaeBe
      That’s super healthy, to see that something that becomes common has less effect on you and that you are able to decipher these feelings.   Sadly, this trend tends to only deaden good feelings as we tend not to let bad feelings attenuate the same way.   I have noticed less euphoria, but still feel the dysphorias that I have. Sometimes the good sneaks in and reminds me, but often time it’s just me seeing myself in the mirror and being comfortable about what I see when embracing my realized self. I may not get the same buzz I once did, but I don’t feel incongruous when looking at a more “drab” reflection.    Wishing you strength, you are amazing!
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    • MaeBe
      Meet him at the being good to others part of Christianity. At the heart of it, there are excellent tenets of the faith. Those that condemn are judging, Jesus would have us be selfless; stone casting and all that. Are you a good person? Are you putting good into the world? If your gender is an issue for God, let God judge. In the mortal realm, let your actions be heard. 
    • missyjo
      and just fi sweeten it..I'm catholic n he hasn't been for years..he's evangelical..whatever that is
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    • missyjo
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    • missyjo
      abigail darling what about extensions or a wig? be brave n hang in there  to thine own self be true  good luck
    • RaineOnYourParade
      When I first started figuring things out, I got a lot more euphoria. Every time a friend would use he/they pronouns for me, I'd get this bubbly feeling, and seeing myself look masculine made me really happy. Dysphoric state felt more normal, so I guess I noticed the pain it caused me less.   Now, it's more just that my pronouns and such things feel natural, and dysphoria is a lot stronger -- I know what's natural, so experiencing the opposite is more jarring than everything. The problem is, most of my natural experiences are from friends, and I rarely get properly gendered by strangers, much less by my family. I've found myself unable to bind in months due to aches, colds,, and not wanting to risk damage.    It partially makes me want to go back to the beginning of my journey, because at least then I got full euphoria. I'm pretty sure it'll be like this until I medically transition, or at the very least get top surgery (you know all those trans dudes online with tiny chests? Not me, unfortunately). It's a bit depressing, but at least I know that, eventually, there's a way out of this.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Major mood, right here ^^^    I've listened to Lumineers to a long time (a major portion of it by osmosis via my mom), so that is almost painfully relatable
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As for getting a button-up/formal pants suit, you can try to talk to her more -- Cis women in tuxes have worn tuxes in recent years, after all, (for example, Zendaya) so it can still be a relatively safe topic. For jumpsuits, I'd recommend going with a simple one with a blazer, if you can -- this'll make it look overall more masculine. There's a lot of good brands, but going for one without a lot of extra glitz on it will make it look less feminine under a blazer. I don't know many specific brands though since I usually just get my stuff from chain stores, sorry :<   When it comes to your hair, if you can't cut it, you can look up tutorials on fluffing it up instead. If you can pull it off, it can look a lot shorter and more androgynous instead!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As far as I'm aware, he wasn't -- he just sometimes wore skirts, which was why it was a question in the first place.   In my opinion, part of that is because of the way press spares attention on issues like that. As a bit of a true crime nut and what I see: Child predator cases' (and cases of a sexual nature in general) press focus on those with an AMAB perpetrator generally, and very rarely are AFAB perpetrators given much press time or even getting tried due to a whole bunch of issues I'm not gonna get into. Because of this, when you see these types of cases and a boy is the victim, it's almost always a queer person who is the one who committed a crime that gets press. Therefore, with the amount of cases seen with this type of perpetrator (and due to the fact "99% of queer people are not sexual criminals" doesn't attract eyes), the human brain can kind of naturally makes an association with it. It's not right, but it's also a fault I think falls partially on the media.   That's all my opinion, though!   This is extra confusing to me, as a feminine man is usually viewed as gay. If someone is refusing the acknowledge the existence of trans people, then gay would be the societal connection that comes after, I think. So, that sorta implies that trans women wouldn't be interested in women in the first place by those assumptions? Of course, trans lesbians exist (most trans women I know like women, actually), but it's a little ridiculous to me that people will deny trans people's existence, call all feminine AMAB people gay, and say that trans people are looking to peep all in the same breath.   Wow, this was a lot longer of a response than I was planning to write--
    • Abigail Genevieve
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    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am not sure why people are in favor of unaccountable agencies with bloated budgets and wasteful spending. 
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