I need to talk

[jessica]

I am 38 and have been confused for a long time. I was born a boy but always have felt feminie. I was beaten for acting this way as a child. I was held down and forced to drink dish soap as a punishment for talking like a girl. This was so severe that soon i was just a truamitized, angry kid that has so many problems i cant even list them. I have begun to alow myself to feel feminine but i dont know what to do now. Plus i live in a rural area and would never be accepted at work or anything if i "came out". I am really scared and lonely. I wish i was a real girl. Please tell me wat to do.

 

[Guest]

Welcome to laura's playground. 

The first thing I want to say is that you're not alone. 

A good first step would be to try to see a gender therapist to be able to talk about all of that. Maybe then you would have a better idea of what to do next. 

You can also take one step at a time and start in private wearing feminine things and allow yourself to be authentic and progress from there. 

I'm sure many more people here will have many more good ideas. I know how it's hard being beaten for acting feminine and then trying to be yourself. You have to take it slow. The first thing I did was to order a woman's pydjama. That's not a very big thing to do but it's a good first step toward being able to express yourself freely. 

(I still have this pydjama. it's my favorite :D) 

 

 

[jessica]

Thanku

[Guest]

my logic was : it's not flashy at all, it's a small thing but I spend 8 hours of my day in it. 8/24 is a good starting ratio to aim for.

 

Anyway, that's my twisted logic at work again

 

[SugarMagnolia]

I love soliloque's idea of taking things slow. 

It can be very overwhelming to think about all the things that are possible and all of the obstacles that may need to be overcome. It's much easier to think about the next step or even just what would be helpful right now like a bubble bath if you're feeling stressed out.

~ Julie

[jessica]

Thank you again. Um can i ask though or just say like i am uh like my body is manly, i have big sholders and i work hard so im like strong and stuff. So i feel akward if i wear somthing feminine, but it makes feel good anyway. Im so i dont know...

[jessica]

I wish i had money to see a therapist. But this feels good just talking.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Jason,

 

Just being here posting and reading posts is a great start. For me, it was kind of a springboard for finding support. I know it feels kind of awkward at first. As we become used to being more feminine, we get more comfortable with it. I started out just with panties, a bra and prosthetics under my male cloths. Now I wear girls cloths, because I am a girl (yes, I wish a cis girl, but trans girl anyway). I do have to crossdress as male when I go to work and such, but despite this, I'm living life as a girl. Even when dressed male, that's not who and what I am, I'm a girl no matter how I'm dressed. This is part of the mental transition. You will take you own path of mental transition as you discover who and what you are. Take your time and be patient with it. Even without HRT or surgeries, I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. I understand being on a really tight budget. There are things I so wish I could afford to do with this, but can't. We do what we can. Keep posting, reading posts, and enjoy the journey. Remember, a nice drive down a winding country road is a lot more enjoyable that a quick race down the freeway! It's nice meeting you and good luck on your journey!?➡??

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[jessica]

This is so great. I cant believe i have accepted this and it feels so snug. I just read some posts and i cried for a long time. Im qouting some ones post, but im never locking her/myself in prison again.

[MarcieMarie12]

You can ask if the therapist can charge you on a sliding scale, I've heard that some of them do that for those with lower income  and no insurance.

[gennee]

Hi Jessica and welcome to Laura's. Being on this forum is a good first step. You're certainly not alone as many of us have had to work through a lot of stuff to get where we are now. Marcie brought up a good point about sliding scale rates.

 I have big shoulders but very little body hair. In time you'll get comfortable wearing feminine clothing. 

 

[jessica]

Snug... thanku