Michael, Story Is Still Going

[Guest Neuro]

I am Michael, nickname 'Neuro.' I am sorry if this is the wrong post section for new bio, I am very new. I can change it's location, if you wish.

I am a n00b to this site, 18 years old-- but I have been checking it out for about a month on the search for a supportive forum--out of all of them, this one seemed the most 'real' feeling, and incredibly friendly. I love how it is family-friendly, but is still open for any subject so long as it is not 'dirty' heh~

Like most of you (possibly?) I first had the feelings of not being what I was born, at earliest memories. About 3 or 4, at Easter in a Sunday dress--I felt embarrassed not to be in my usual hand-me-downs from my favorite male friend. (we were poor). And hearing my high pitched voice...? It was like a voice change for higher, not lower. I couldn't believe how conscious I was of my shame at such an early age. And it only went downhill from there, in consciousness.

I live with my parents, we are Catholic Christians. I told them once last year, I wanted to be a man and that I was suicidal. They sent me to therapy and gave me medication, my father said "I am a man, and you are most certainly NOT a man. I would be able to tell." that hurt. And then mother let the "It's just a phase, just because you don't like pink doesn't mean you're a boy" speech. =__________=

I love my parents and respect them. But living at home, as a homeschooler with little knowledge of the outside world (and no stable job!) it is near impossible to live the way I wish. I cannot wear actual mens clothing, and my mother cuts my hair. She does not want it very short. They are concerned about keeping me alive and out of hell, which may be a touchy topic here; but I feel the need to reassure you that I do share Christian beliefs. I'm sorry if that's bad?

My therapist is not someone I entirely trust, so I do not tell him a lot. He assumes I am just a lesbian. When I am afraid, I lie; so it is my fault for wasting his time...? I do not think I can afford much less my parents would send me to a Gender Therapist.

None of my friends know, only I know what I really am. I am a bit afraid to show it to the world I KNOW, but to a NEW world a first impression I want to make is what I really am! A man! I wonder if that is a far-off fantasy, aheh heh... Riding a train, where people look at me like one man, walking into a store and buying the clothes I want without being embarrassed the buttons are on the 'wrong' side... Not having to give out my embarrassingly girly real name, "Sarah." A pretty name, but...? N-Not for a guy like me, I'm sorry to offend the girls. I believe in womens rights and empowering women, but I do want to embrace what little masculinity I wish for.

Anyway, that was too long XD but... I hope that I can talk about and learn a lot of things here. Maybe it will give me the strength I need, through all you strong people; to maybe 'come out' and demand to be accepted for who I am, without being demeaned.

~~Neuro

P.S: Here is a picture of me, taken by one of my girl friends. I don 't look very masculine, but I am not allowed any kind of mens wear or hormone treatment. Please do not make fun: http://s6.photobucket.com/albums/y241/newm...b5c10023b52.jpg

My dream: to wear an incredible tuxedo, to my wedding XD ridiculous, but I admit I like the classy side of being a man...

[Sally]

Michale, That was very good, I feel like I know a lot about you.

Being Christian is not unpopular here, because we don't judge or discriminate based on religion - we don't have a lot of Christians here because of the kind of behaviour that you have described.

I am so glad that you are here, I hope you enjoy the food and friends over in the members lounge (your other post) and feel free to make your comments as well as just asking questions.

Hold on to those classy dreams of wearing a tux to your wedding - I'm 57 but I can dream about wearing a white wedding dress to mine can't I?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Deeedoo]

I think the best thing to do is to tell your therapist the truth. It is a trained professional and is required to do as much as possible to help you. And don't worry about being a Christian. Even though I'm not one, I think it's a very good religion when it's done right.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hy Mike,

I justed wanted you to know that we would NEVER make fun of you nor anyone else here. Do not ever be afraid of showin us pictures or sharing other dimensions of yourself. I also wanted to let you know that I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. I see that you are at that age now. Trust me, your life is just now going to start blossomming in ways you cannot forsee. You are really going to start being able to be who you are! The man we know you are!!!

LOL

bernii

[Guest Neuro]

Thank you so much, everyone. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, actually. I am just wondering if he will believe me, I tend to be a bit nervous when talking in real life (I rarely get out of the house aheh heh)

[Sally]

Michael,

Just relax and talk to them like you were talking to us over the Internet.

You did that just fine, remember your therapist should be your friend and working to help you - they can't do that if you never tell them what is wrong.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Neuro]

Okay. Thank you, I will be sure to try my best.