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Finally ready to post, married MtF


MtfStuckinthemiddle

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So, my journey is beginning to take shape after 35 yrs of denial and struggle that we all know to turn the other way. I have a wife of 11 yrs and 4 kids ages 8 - 17. We are in SC with little trans support to be found. I came out to my wife as transgender about 5 months ago. She's known of my need to wear undergarments, but had no idea it had anything to do with gender identity. Right now she is supportive, not really knowing how to be. Just her willingness is enough for me. Unsure about transition timeline as my wife wants to stay and support, but baby steps are needed; and then the kids, oh and I forgot to mention I'm in ministry. Whew!  I'm so glad I'm here!

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Hello and welcome.  I'm glad you found us!  That's nice that your wife is supportive.  Remember she is on this journey with you so remain considerate to hold her support.  Baby steps are very good, it's what I and many others here took.  Take the time to figure out where you are on the gender spectrum and how far you want or need to go.  I would seek out a gender counselor to help you along.  It's helped me immensely.  Maintaining your family may guide some of your decisions.  Being in the ministry and in SC sounds like a difficult situation.  If you decide to go "public" you may find a move to a more tolerant area is in your best interest.   I see were a musician and performer.  That's awesome.  Please join in the conversation when you can.  We're here for you.

Jani

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Thanks Jani! Yes, SC and ministry have their challenges, but I feel like my background with Christianity is just part of my journey. I am not ashamed and don't feel as though the faith is condemning- it is the people that are. I started seeing a gender therapist right after I told my wife. She attends with me from time to time. It is incredibly helpful. A move after the kids are all grown and gone may be a good idea. I haven't had much drive over the past couple of years so music has really suffered. That's changing now since I have opened up to my wife and receive her acceptance. Thanks again Jani.

- D

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I'm glad you're on track. That's so good.  So what "did" you use to do musically?  Guitar or keyboard?  Got to get back to it!  Music is a savior for me. 

Jani

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I am primarily a guitar player, all styles. Was a classical guitar major in school. Trying to get there. It is frustrating when my chops aren't what they used to be. LoL

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Welcome. I'm originally from SC so understand that the resources can be hard to find. Fortunately, the political climate there right now appears to be better for us. 

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Hi,

Welcome to Laura's! Glad you're here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

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Welcome Stuck.  Glad you found us and thanks for sharing a bit of your journey.  This is never easy but few things worthwhile have been in my life.  My wife of 45 years is still by my side even in the ladies room.  Glad your getting therapy and have some support.  You are not alone in this journey.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Welcome! I'm a married mtf as well and just north of you in NC. I came out to my wife last June, but no kids for us. I've been working hard to help my wife understand. Be patient, talk to her when she seems ready to talk, stop talking when she seems overwhelmed, and be honest. She may just surprise you! Good luck on your journey, I look forward to talking with you more!

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2 hours ago, Cindy Truheart said:

Welcome! I'm a married mtf as well and just north of you in NC. I came out to my wife last June, but no kids for us. I've been working hard to help my wife understand. Be patient, talk to her when she seems ready to talk, stop talking when she seems overwhelmed, and be honest. She may just surprise you! Good luck on your journey, I look forward to talking with you more!

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the encouragement. I'm trying to work T suppression into a conversation right now. We usually just spend a few minutes discussing. We came up with a code word,  "oysters", to use when either of us want to talk about it. It works pretty well. So far she has surprised me. It's not all butterflies and sunshine, but encouraging none the less. I look forward to future talks too!

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42 minutes ago, Fiona said:

Welcome to Laura's. You'll find all kinds of honest and friendly help here......

Thanks Fiona!

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6 minutes ago, MtfStuckinthemiddle said:

Thanks Fiona!

Hon, as rough as this whole journey can be, try to enjoy as much of it as you can. May I ask why she doesn't understand why you need to underdress? Sounds like a discussion is in order. :) 

I've been in therapy for over two years and HRT for 6 months, it's been a wild ride so far!

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