Not sure what I am

[mismith415]

I've been dealing with gender issues for as long as I can remember.  When I was young, I was so curious about why my mother's body was shaped differently than mine.  I was fascinated with her different clothing, especially her underwear.  Eventually I started to try on her clothing when I was home alone.  I started with her underwear and bathing suits and worked my way up to her business suits.  She is very thin, so I had a hard time squeezing into her outfits.  At the same time, she has three sisters who are more heavily built and voluptuous.  Whenever I could, I would try on their underwear as well.  I wanted to be one of them, but at the same time I was sexually attracted to my mother and to her sisters.  I felt a great deal of revulsion at myself for that, but I could not get away from it.  I imagined what I would look like if I was a woman in the family, but I was also turned on by wearing their underwear and have some really strange fantasies about them.  It's not only about them, but they were my main focus for a long time.  I think the same way about most women.

I wish I knew what I am.  Part of me really thinks I'm supposed to be a woman, but part of me thinks I just have strange sexual tastes. 

[MarcieMarie12]

Welcome to the forums, I am going to say being attracted to women is fairly common (I'm attracted to both), My dressing to started off with mom's underwear (I had two brothers and no sisters),  and had a great deal of shame and denial about what was going on. Being a transwoman does not mean you can't be attracted to women. What you are attracted to is something completely different than what you identify as. 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi mismith,

Welcome to Laura's! I'm a trans girl and I'm attracted to girls. It's actually pretty common.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Guest]

Welcome to Laura's!! Sounds like you found a great place to hang out. Have you explored the idea of a gender therapist yet?

[mismith415]

Thanks for all your answers.  I'm also troubled by my attraction to my mother and other relatives.  Why do I fantasize about them and wish I was one of them at the same time?  Have any of you experienced this?

[Guest]

I know that little kids can be infatuated by their mother, but no, as an adult I haven't had any attraction to my mother and such, but that's not to say there isn't a reasonable explanation or parallel......

[VickySGV]

In the opening rounds of facing Gender Dysphoria we often mistake a number of feelings ABOUT a person and what they represent to us for sexual attraction to them.  Indeed our own boldness for wanting to be like them brings on a thrill that we feel as both fear and shame for having.  Shame and fear are powerful stimulators of sexual arousal under any circumstances and our feelings about what we have discovered about ourselves are huge here.  This does not rule out what used to be called an Oedipus Complex in individual cases, but true sexual attraction to mothers, sisters and the like is not the norm for people with GD.

As you get rid of the fear and shame, the feelings of sexual arousal toward those people will diminish to almost nothing.  Accept the fact that you feel a need to be different from your Assigned Gender. Your feelings are not Fantasies, they are FEELINGS, and those feelings are a guide to your future as yourself.  You can do that with help and honesty.  The dishonesty in sneaking around and wearing your relatives clothing, and even "borrowing" their cosmetics gives a false "sexual arousal" since you feel guilty about it.  Buy your own stuff and the erotic feelings will calm down to merely pleasant moments in your life.

I think you do need to seek professional counseling with someone who has had experience with Gender Dysphoria.  That way life will be on the right track for you.

[AnonLP]

Sigmund freud did some research in this area although he wasnt very popular. Off top of my head it was about children but may be worth a read

[Guest JuliaJem]

I believe a gender therapist would be able to best help you with the answers about your attraction to your mother and other relatives.

Honestly, I've had attraction to relatives too. I do not know how to best word it, but I believe that somehow one's body become stimulated by the desire to be the gender they feel they are. The emotions and feelings just get kind of mixed up and present itself as sexual attraction.

Vicky, put it best there that those desires go away when one starts living open and honestly and you embrace your identity as your own.

[mismith415]

Thank you all so much.  What you have said about feelings getting mixed up and confused makes so much sense to me.

- Michelle