10 years of sobriety

[Charlize]

I'm cheating by reposting what i wrote here for two years now changing only a few bits. I could add however is that it is even better. The promises that i once heard about as i started my journey as a sober person are coming true and getting stronger each day.

I am truly blessed to be celebrating an anniversary. 10 years ago i stopped drinking and managed to get to a meeting of AA in an adjoining town. I hid behind a pillar in the basement that helped to support the church above and shook mostly because i was just beginning to need, really need a drink. The 12 steps and 12 traditions were displayed on the wall in front of me. I saw and knew the first step. I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. I still hadn't lost the farm but in many ways i had. I couldn't see beyond the need for another drink. When i fought with family it was a great excuse to go to the barn with my best friend, a gallon bottle of cheap vodka. Nothing wrong with sleeping in the cold. 

At the meeting people were nice to me, especially a cute redhead ( i've spoken for her at a women's meeting she chairs). 

I went back the next week. Somehow i had managed to curl up on the couch and not drink for a week! There were hallucinations but not the nice ones i had had in the 60's. The drive back to the meeting was hard as i didn't have my crutch and phantoms ran across the road in front of me. 

Slowly the pain in my body went away but i still was so close to that first drink. I got a sponsor, joined the group i first attended, started to make coffee and clean up after meetings and started to pray. I knew i couldn't stay sober alone. Finding and accepting a higher power was hard for me. I had majored in religion in college with a true major in drugs. I knew all about religions and couldn't make the leap to believe without chemical assistance. 

So much has changed. Not only have i accepted that i am part of a universe so much greater than any of it's elements but i am able to let go at times and trust that i will be OK even without knowing or trying to control the future. I have come to accept a higher power.

One member of my group who has known me since i joined said a few months ago: All we have to change when we get sober is everything.........just take a look at Charlize". In fact i have been blessed with change in so many ways. I am a grateful alcoholic who is also amongst other things transgendered. I am sober today thanks to my higher power and the wonderful world and its creations that surround and support me."

It is only in sobriety that i could finally be honest about my gender issues. It was a bearded disheveled man named Chuck who  went to that first meeting.  Today an older but well kept maybe even attractive woman is the chairwoman welcoming newcomers with a smile a hug and a prayer in her heart that they too may " comprehend the word serenity and know peace."

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Thank you for being here and sharing.  

[tracy_j]

Thank you. It is good that people know that there is a way out!

Tracy

[Timber Wolf]

10 years! Woo Hoo!!!??????

Congradulations Charlize! That's awesome.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Guest cerise]

Congrats Charlize!

I forgot that we are both of the class of 2007.

Cheers Cerise

I still have a few more months before claiming double digit sobriety.

[VickySGV]

OK, so I was part of a year behind you two!!  Congrats though.

[Laurette]

Congrats Charlize!  I'm just a little behind you - celebrated 9 years in January.  I'm thinking that the fog slowly clearing away finally allowed Laurette to come out of hiding and lead me onto the journey to become the woman I should have been.

Your story is different than mine, but as with all of us alcoholics, essentially the same.  I'm proud of and for you.

Hugs,

Laurette 

[Charlize]

Thank you Laurette, Cherise, Vicky, TW, Tracy, and Jani.   It is amazing to me that i'm even alive 10 years later.  When i finally managed to find sobriety i wasn't in good physical or mental health.  Time has healed a great deal and hopefully i'll last a bit longer.  I am enjoying this cup of coffee sitting in the sunshine without a hangover or feeling of guilt and shame.  Life's a bit of a trudge from time to time but i'm able to continue sober.  That is a miracle i'm thankful for every day.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Charlize]

Another year has passed and after 365 day i'm still sober due to a power greater than myself.  11 years ago  DT's and hallucinations had me curled on the couch in a little ball.  I was miserable at best.  A kind of hell had me as i took a step away from my best friend....alcohol.  If you are suffering today please know that there is a path to freedom.  Too many trans* folks die of this disease and the abuse of other substances.  I i can be given this gift it is available to others as well and there are many here and elsewhere who can help as they were helped.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Congratulations Charlize.  I think its important to know there is a way forward.

 

Jani

[Timber Wolf]

Congratulations Charlize!

 

11 years is great!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[claire1000]

Congratulations Charlize, I personally know how hard it is to sometimes  to  just get through a day without a drink, I am just short of 30 years of sober living  at the end of February.My sponser many years ago told me something so simple yet so foreign to my alcoholic mind "that if you don't pick up that first drink you can't get drunk" I have held onto that thought for years and thanks to the fellowship of AA I am sober today. I also know that if I had not gotten honest with myself in sobrioty that I could,  and would not be living today in transition because one I would probably   not be alive , and two would not have had the courage to move forward. As they say take it "one day at a time" that has become my mantra in sobrioty and transition.

[Cyndee]

That's awesome Charlize, congrats to you !

 

Cyndi -

[VickySGV]

Gee, I thought I was catching up on you!!    Two weeks ago, one of my groups had a special Birthday Party meeting where 18 people celebrated a combined 380+ YEARS though.  It can be done

[Charlize]

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[onaquest]

Fantastic Charlize! I was thinking yesterday what it was like 7 months ago when I entered treatment. I am grateful for you and I am grateful for my recovery

[Gwen]

10 hours ago, Charlize said:

 

 

10 hours ago, Charlize said:

 

Charlize, I hope you sleep with this under your pillow. It's something to be very very proud of, AND thankful for. I'm a former social worker and can understand that depth of this milestone. Glad you're here with us.

 

Lots of love and hugs

 

Gwen

[Charlize]

Thank you all for you kind comments.

 I had a wonderful meeting last night at what has long been my home group as well as the first meeting i attended.  It is a straight, cis gender speakers group.  I always sign up to chair the Feb. meeting as it is my anniversary month.  What fun to be there with a young sponsee speaking for the first time at my side.  She was extremely nervous as she got her 90 day coin and then had to speak.  My sponsor gave me the coin pictured above.  If i live long enough who knows i may someday be able to give an 11 to that young woman.  That's up to a power greater than myself but in the meantime this is an extremely grateful person who is actually able to live the life that that coins calls for.  Having 'Unity, Service and Recovery" i am now able to also be true to myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Julie J]

Congratulations Charlize on having 11 years of sobriety. I love hearing you share in the online meetings and reading your posts. Thank you for sharing your recovery in sobriety and your journey in transition. You're an inspiration to me. ?

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

[VickySGV]

Bagged another 365 ehh??  I have a renewal date coming up soon too.  Congrats.