I Need Help Accepting Being Both Male And Female

[Guest adamblue]

Hi everyone

Please forgive me for the length of the post. I am having a great amount of angst of late.

I am new here and have been very impressed with the level of compassion and insight so many of the members here seem to have.

After repressing myself for many years and presenting exclusively as a very happy hetero female, albeit a quite androgynous one, I find myself faced with a dilemma.

My other self, who is entirely a hetero male, has made a reappearance. Kind of like a genie who refuses to go back into the bottle.

He was out and about very happily for many years when I was younger and coexisted quite peacefully with my female side. I made a decision at 14 to effectively bury him as a way to cope with the demands of the world.

In many ways being both genders enriches my life and my perspective enormously, but I am also experiencing what I can only describe as a combination of deep grief and fear. So much so, it is now interfering with my normal ability to cope.

I want very, very much to allow my male side to emerge but due to my living situation with my children and the area in which I live, am restricted from doing so.

I have tried to repress the male in me but he is now utterly impervious to my attempts to block him. The more I attempt to repress him the more depressed I become. I find myself burdened with feelings of loathing, which is quite outside the norm for me. I am generally extremely accepting of myself and others, no matter how "outside the box" my feelings or others seem to be.

I think my lack of self acceptance is a defense of sorts and believe my current task is twofold.

One, is to accept my male side with love and appreciation. The other is to find a way to allow him to "come out" in a way that feels good to me and is safe and secure.

I am grateful for any feedback.

Thank you so much

Blue

[Guest Ryles_D]

In many ways being both genders enriches my life and my perspective enormously, but I am also experiencing what I can only describe as a combination of deep grief and fear. So much so, it is now interfering with my normal ability to cope.

It's understandable you're afraid. I'm assuming you're female-bodied, right? It's hard to want to accept a part of you that's so at odds with your body. If you could fully repress the male side, you'd probably have no gender issues- you'd basically be cis. You wouldn't have to worry about wanting to be male some of the time, or anything that can come wiht it.

I think you should try to really focus on what's causing you to be afraid. Is it social issues, just that you're used to repressing hte male side, etc. Maybe finding out what about it frightens you will help you deal with the fear so it's not as bad and you can handle it.

I want very, very much to allow my male side to emerge but due to my living situation with my children and the area in which I live, am restricted from doing so.

Is there a reason for that? Is it possible for your male side to come out but be subtle? Maybe wearing slightly masculine but female-allowed clothes would help?

I have tried to repress the male in me but he is now utterly impervious to my attempts to block him. The more I attempt to repress him the more depressed I become. I find myself burdened with feelings of loathing, which is quite outside the norm for me. I am generally extremely accepting of myself and others, no matter how "outside the box" my feelings or others seem to be.

This is probably because you're repressing a part of yourself. Repression isn't good for you. You're trying to say a part of you doesn't exist, or that it can't exist. If you could find a way to accept and allow that side out, you'd probably be a lot happier. I think a chunk of why transsexuals get depressed before they come out is because they try to repress themselves- try to block their gender identity just because it's not normal. You're doing that, but to a part of you instead of all of you.

One, is to accept my male side with love and appreciation. The other is to find a way to allow him to "come out" in a way that feels good to me and is safe and secure.

Those are both very good goals. I wish you luck, and am here if you want to talk.

[Guest DanM]

I am 45 with one son and had to make a decision based on what was right for him at the time and still live with myself, came to this conclusion after trying to commit suicide several times. One was to dress how I felt comfortable no matter what anyone else thought. I have lived my life as male since my son was 3 yrs old and he himself was a deciding factor when I chose as to when to transition. Since he needed to be raised and money was tight I held out on the expensive part of my transition til he was raised. But I still carried my everyday life as a man. I had to compromise, its something we humans do on an everyday basis so I looked at it as though today I do this tomorrow I do that attitude. It was the only way I could survive and still make sure my son was properly cared for as well. My son is now 30 years old and I am free to complete my transition.

[Guest Cazz333]

Both female and male parts of me were too intense to suppresss. It's more how you express them that makes it difficult. The hardest part in way is not knowing where you stand gender wise and more so what do other people identify you as?

[Guest Pioneer]

Cutting your hair short (make it stylish, don't just butcher it lol) or growing it out make huge difference for me, as much as wearing something that fit that gender role that you want to be. I've been growing my hair out again as I finally accepted my female side that comes out time to time, even though my male side is much more stronger.

Give it a try and see how it feels.

[Guest androgynous]

Hi everyone

Please forgive me for the length of the post. I am having a great amount of angst of late.

I am new here and have been very impressed with the level of compassion and insight so many of the members here seem to have.

After repressing myself for many years and presenting exclusively as a very happy hetero female, albeit a quite androgynous one, I find myself faced with a dilemma.

My other self, who is entirely a hetero male, has made a reappearance. Kind of like a genie who refuses to go back into the bottle.

He was out and about very happily for many years when I was younger and coexisted quite peacefully with my female side. I made a decision at 14 to effectively bury him as a way to cope with the demands of the world.

In many ways being both genders enriches my life and my perspective enormously, but I am also experiencing what I can only describe as a combination of deep grief and fear. So much so, it is now interfering with my normal ability to cope.

I want very, very much to allow my male side to emerge but due to my living situation with my children and the area in which I live, am restricted from doing so.

I have tried to repress the male in me but he is now utterly impervious to my attempts to block him. The more I attempt to repress him the more depressed I become. I find myself burdened with feelings of loathing, which is quite outside the norm for me. I am generally extremely accepting of myself and others, no matter how "outside the box" my feelings or others seem to be.

I think my lack of self acceptance is a defense of sorts and believe my current task is twofold.

One, is to accept my male side with love and appreciation. The other is to find a way to allow him to "come out" in a way that feels good to me and is safe and secure.

I am grateful for any feedback.

Thank you so much

Blue

Hi Blue!

I understand the dynamics involved. It switches here from day to day, but sometimes also from hour to hour, not only thoughts but also the dillema on how to cloth yourself.

It can get confusing at first, but later on I reckoned just to let it come out when it wants to, and accept it as it is. That was a huge step forwards. And now I just do what I feel I see fit.