What am I?

[MarEllX]

I’ve probably already asked this before, but I’m still not sure what I am. If any of you could give me some advice, I’d seriously appreciate it.

·         AMAB

·         Non-Binary (Agender) (I think…)

·         Don’t feel like a boy, but don’t feel like a girl either(Don’t know what any of that means)

·         I would much rather have a female body and genitals

·         Think I’m gray-sexual (?)

·         Still have guy-ish hobbies, like videogames and anime

·         Would like to present more femininely

[Cyndee]

Human

[MarcieMarie12]

I felt I might be non-binary fit me prior to trying certain things and seeing where it took me. I did find after going out presenting as female a few times that it felt normal. After spending an entire weekend I did not want to go back presenting male ever again. I have a consult for GCS next week, I have been on HRT for 15 months, and full time for 16 months. At this point you could not get me to go back to boy mode.

I still do my gaming (computer, table top mianiatures, board games, and role-playing). But it ceased beeing a need to game and just one of the things I want to do as I still enjoy it. Actually having two of my trans sisters come over for a game of X-wing tomorrow as I bake a langostino casserole for dinner.  Also I know a lot of cis girls that enjoy games as well.

Who you go to bed with has nothing to do with your gender identity--who you go to bed as is. Personally I am pansexual, but never was able to accept it until after I transitioned. 

 

Have you seen a gender therapist yet?

[Guest suden]

Hi Mar. I was asking the same questions 2 1/2 years ago. I was completely lost in the world and getting desperate with every day.

I found a gender therapist and that was my first question to her! After lots of crying and talking and clearer thinking I found my true self. Now after two years of working on the reality of what it means to me to be a woman, I,m happy and a better human. I still have moments of doughty But i,ve stopped crying in the middle of the night wondering if its all real.

 I was deep in denial at first and some of the common signs for transitions were not apparent. I,ve come to believe that the woman in side me was coming out one way or another! Accepting who I am has be a hard time. But the happiness I feel does not lie!

Find a therapist you feel comfortable with,  and find you self. 

I know a lot of trans folks can,t afford a therapist if you can,t please find a support group and I hope you can find you true self.

Hugs Eden   

 

[Dakota16]

I wasn't sure what I was growing up, and it went well into my adult life. My ex-wife got everything going when she experimented with a new color nail polish on one of my fingers. Over the next decade, I was facing similar questions. After we separated, I tapped into my feminine side and got more comfortable going around with painted nails while presenting as a male. Even after getting married again, I started realizing I wasn't comfortable with myself anymore and came to realize who I am inside. With my wife's support, I started therapy and presenting as female on occasion when I wasn't at work, giving me time to work on my appearance and get a better understanding of who I am. Each time felt more comfortable than the last. Like Marcie, I spent a weekend as Dakota and when I went back to work in guy mode it hit hard that Dakota wasn't a passing interest or new hobby...she was who I wanted to be. Today, I'm presenting as female full time and am in the process of trying to start HRT. There's no chance that I'll switch back to living as a male. I love my life as Dakota and how happy it's made me. 

I never gave up any hobbies to be Dakota. I still bowl although I'm not currently on a league. I'll still play video games, but anymore I'm sharing the experience with my three awesome daughters and showing them the games I grew up with as well (Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Brothers, Donkey Kong, etc.). I still talk baseball with coworkers who also enjoy the game, especially with one who is a fellow Cubs fan. I still occasionally get behind the wheel of a charter bus.

If you haven't found a gender therapist, I encourage you to. They are a great help in understanding who we are beyond what everyone sees when they look at us. I'd still be a miserable guy (probably worse off than before I came out) if I hadn't taken that step.