My first Therapist Appointment

[Steffi_Memmel]

Yet another "my first appointment" topic

I'm kind of freaking out.  I NEED to talk to somebody, and the time-difference is killing me.  I know all of the platitudes...

They're there to HELP, not judge you

Just be HONEST, everything will be fine

My therapist is awesomesauce...

etc... etc... etc...

None of them make ME feel any better at all.  I'm 53 years old, and I've never told a single person (in person) ANY of things I am about to disclose to this person.  It could be liberating, it could be humiliating.  It's definitely terrifying, and I have a whole week to stress over it, before it happens

Like I said above, the time-difference is killing me.  English-speaking websites are pretty dormant when I am awake, and pretty active when I am asleep or at work,  It's frustrating.  Same with "chat", here and elsewhere.

I KNOW this is a positive thing (my first therapy), but that doesn't mean I am not scared.  Initially, I was exhilarated, now "reality" is sinking in.  I'm really going through with this.  This will likely change my entire life forever.  Gee, why would I be nervous?

And of course, I need to go get ready for work now

 

-Steffi

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Steffi,

It's usually easiest to just kind of go with the flow, let them draw you out. It feels awkward and scary at first, but they understand you feel this way. You'll be surprised how quickly you start feeling more comfortable and start opening up. By the time the appointment's over, you might even be wishing it wasn't. Good luck on your journey.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Steffi_Memmel]

Thanks, Timber Wolf

Since my appointment is online, I get make a couple of choices...  If I was going outside I would not have them.

I could actually dress how I want, even a little makeup...

I shaved my twenty year-old beard and moustache today.  People noticed

 

[Steffi_Memmel]

For those who missed it, I was kind of/sort of asking for ADVICE...  You know, all "subtle" and stuff

21 hours ago, Steffi_Memmel said:

Since my appointment is online, I get make a couple of choices...  If I was going outside I would not have them.

I could actually dress how I want, even a little makeup...

Bear in mind, while I dress ALL of the time at home, I am absolutely hopeless with makeup and hair.  Early on in my marriage, why wife would very rarely do my makeup, and even more rarely my hair, but I have never done it myself, at least not successfully...

As I mentioned in the above post, I just shaved off my beard and mustache.  My mustache I have had for pretty much thirty-five years, my beard, about 99% of the past twenty-five years, since I got out of the army.  I've purchased, or already had. all of the makeup I might need, and have begun taking care of my skin...

I don't want to come across to my therapist in my first ever major step in my transition on the "wrong foot"...

Should I dress feminine?  Should I wear makeup? Thoughts?  Tips?  Advice?       Bueller...?      Anyone...?

 

-Steffi

P.S.  I'm headed to work in about an hour...  Gotta love that time-difference   I WILL reply to ANY and ALL advice, it just might take a while...

[Steffi_Memmel]

LOL...  This waiting for "Mod Approval" can be a pain... I forget to say something, and it's forty-five to fifty-five minutes before I can add/correct it

I'm walking out the door to work now.

I MEANT say also, with all respect, please don't say, "Just wear/do what makes YOU feel comfortable...".  I don't know what that IS.  If I did, I wouldn't be asking this question...  This is all so new to me.  My mind is whirling.

I'm asking people who have been through this.  Do you think YOU would have been more comfortable dressed and made-up?  Were you dressed and/or made-up on YOUR first appointment?  Did it help?  Did you wish that you could have dressed and/or been made-up, but couldn't for some reason?

That's what I was trying to ask...  I know that nobody can tell me what makes ME comfortable.  I also know that there are a LOT of people on this site with stories strikingly similar to mine in many ways, and they are (mostly) much farther down this road than I am.  I'd like to get the benefit of their perspective

/hugs

-Steffi

[VickySGV]

The therapist who made the recommendation for me to get hormones never saw me in his office as my feminine self.  I had shared pictures of myself wearing what was effectively Drag Queen clothing and make-up that was "over the top" but the "reality factor" of my dressing or passability were not our real focus.  My therapist and his supervising Psychiatrist/M.D. were of the opinion that taking the hormones and seeing how I felt on them was part of a diagnostic program.  I was on HRT for 18 months before I did more than dressing at home and a once a month evening at a TG Night Club about 30 miles from my home.  Since you are not confident with your make-up  and hair styling skills I would recommend either going to your first appointment in male attire, or even calling the therapist and asking them how they want to see you.

Thank you for letting us know about the moderation time problem, it should not be that long, but every now and then it does happen.  I am typing this at 12:30 in the morning here in time zone -8, while I think you may be in zone +2, or a 10 hour difference. 

[Steffi_Memmel]

5 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

Thank you for letting us know about the moderation time problem, it should not be that long, but every now and then it does happen.  I am typing this at 12:30 in the morning here in time zone -8, while I think you may be in zone +2, or a 10 hour difference. 

Thanks for the thorough reply.  I am +1, I believe.  I'm sure the delays are different for others.  I tend to post when the site is not very active.

Because of the time difference, I have a very limited "window" where I am active and most of you are active.

In that narrow span, the delays are pretty nerve-wracking

I definitely understand the need for moderation, especially on a forum like this one, it's just frustrating sometimes...

You have given me some nice food for thought about my appointment, thank you.

/hugs

-Steffi

[Jani]

I would do whatever you are comfortable with.  Or otherwise as Vicky suggests, contact the therapist.  I would guess they would tell you to be yourself, whatever that is.

Jani

[Steffi_Memmel]

7 minutes ago, Jani423 said:

I would do whatever you are comfortable with.  Or otherwise as Vicky suggests, contact the therapist.  I would guess they would tell you to be yourself, whatever that is.

That's the thing...  I don't actually know what would make me more comfortable  I have never been in therapy before, and outside of Halloween, I have never "dressed" in front of anyone besides my wife or girlfriend...

Kind of why I am asking others about their experiences...

 

-Steffi 

[Charlize]

I asked a trans* friend who i saw on rare occasions about what she thought about how i should present.  Like you i found the response about  presenting as i felt comfortable frustrating.  In the end i went dressed and presenting in the best way i could as a female.  I can't say i was comfortable because i was afraid.  For me it was the best thing. Each time i got past fear i grew stronger.

 I was in my 60's, had like you shaved a beard and mustache i had had since the 1960's.  I was ready to allow myself the chance to live as myself before it was too late.  That was about 5 years ago and i don't regret my decision.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

For me, I eventually started showing up dressed as I wanted to be. But the first two sessions I was in boy mode, still married and miserable. I felt much better when dressed as me and happier. He noticed it to. Until out at work I gave myself extra time to go home, change and then to my therapist appointment. 

[Steffi_Memmel]

1 hour ago, Charlize said:

I asked a trans* friend who i saw on rare occasions about what she thought about how i should present.  Like you i found the response about  presenting as i felt comfortable frustrating.  In the end i went dressed and presenting in the best way i could as a female.  I can't say i was comfortable because i was afraid.  For me it was the best thing. Each time i got past fear i grew stronger.

 I was in my 60's, had like you shaved a beard and mustache i had had since the 1960's.  I was ready to allow myself the chance to live as myself before it was too late.  That was about 5 years ago and i don't regret my decision.

Thanks for your advice!  It's a little weird, this online/e-therapy...  I can dress how I want, in the safety of my own home, and the only person to see me will be just the therapist herself.  It's very tempting.

1 hour ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

For me, I eventually started showing up dressed as I wanted to be. But the first two sessions I was in boy mode, still married and miserable. I felt much better when dressed as me and happier. He noticed it to. Until out at work I gave myself extra time to go home, change and then to my therapist appointment. 

Like I mentioned above, because of the e-therapy, it's (almost) no trouble to dress or "present" however I want..  I beginning to think I might follow MarcieMarie's example, just so the therapist can see the contrast.  I haven't decide.  I still have a few days, but that seems like it might be best.

Thanks to everybody who answered!

/hugs

-Steffi

[VickySGV]

59 minutes ago, Steffi_Memmel said:

  I beginning to think I might follow MarcieMarie's example, just so the therapist can see the contrast. 

Since that is possible (I had forgotten you were doing E-therapy above) it is an excellent idea since your therapy is not going to be a one-shot thing.  Contrary to some peoples opinions, therapists are not "Gate Keepers" there to keep you out of life, they are more like guides to seeing a new city who can help you find the right things to see and think about.  The "new city" is actually YOU and they want you to see that Transition is your best and safest way to living your brightest, happy reality.

[Guest]

Ohh honey, it will get easier. My first appointment I spent half the time crying so uncontrollably that I couldn't even speak. If you aren't treated well by your therapist, simply find another. It seems somewhat common to 'go through' a couple to find a match...

Good luck, sweetie.......  

[Steffi_Memmel]

22 minutes ago, Fiona said:

Ohh honey, it will get easier. My first appointment I spent half the time crying so uncontrollably that I couldn't even speak. If you aren't treated well by your therapist, simply find another. It seems somewhat common to 'go through' a couple to find a match...

Good luck, sweetie.......  

Thanks, Fiona

Unfortunately, there's just not a lot of English-speaking Therapist options in Germany who can/will see me online.  There are a few, however, so I have do have SOME choice.  It's the waiting that's killing me.  The longer I wait, the more ways I dream up that things can go wrong.  I hope I find a good match before I run plumb out of options...

 

-Steffi

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Steffi_Memmel said:

Thanks, Fiona

Unfortunately, there's just not a lot of English-speaking Therapist options in Germany who can/will see me online.  There are a few, however, so I have do have SOME choice.  It's the waiting that's killing me.  The longer I wait, the more ways I dream up that things can go wrong.  I hope I find a good match before I run plumb out of options...

 

-Steffi

I see. And yes, the waiting, yes indeed, that was a rough time for me as well.

[Cindy Truheart]

I was dressed as a man for almost all of my appointments. I had to swing them in between my job so I was usually dressed for work. Then one day I was off from work on the day I had an appointment and I decided that I would go as a woman. I didn't even tell my wife. It was a huge risk for that little town we used to live in when anyone could have recognized me at any moment. But after I did it once I was hooked. After that I started burning through my time off anytime I had an appointment where I could be myself! But now we've moved to Denver and I can be me almost always, soon to be always!

I would say you should do some gender bending and see what you think. You may be uncomfortable presenting feminine to a stranger and just not realize it until you try it. I know that my first time in public as a woman I was nervous as hell, but I was in the deep south! Maybe you should go manly with the clothing but wear jewelry and maybe go with a feminine hair style or something? I think it would be easier for you to ease in to things before you try to present entirely female and then have a panic attack or something.

Best of luck, love and light to you!

[Jani]

12 minutes ago, Cindy Truheart said:

But after I did it once I was hooked.

I think I mentioned earlier on a different post that this is certainly a "slippery slope"!!!

Freedom isn't free, that why you have the angst.  But afterwards you learn, you're not going back into that box again.

Jani

[Guest]

18 hours ago, Cindy Truheart said:

I was dressed as a man for almost all of my appointments. I had to swing them in between my job so I was usually dressed for work. Then one day I was off from work on the day I had an appointment and I decided that I would go as a woman. I didn't even tell my wife. It was a huge risk for that little town we used to live in when anyone could have recognized me at any moment. But after I did it once I was hooked. After that I started burning through my time off anytime I had an appointment where I could be myself! But now we've moved to Denver and I can be me almost always, soon to be always!

I would say you should do some gender bending and see what you think. You may be uncomfortable presenting feminine to a stranger and just not realize it until you try it. I know that my first time in public as a woman I was nervous as hell, but I was in the deep south! Maybe you should go manly with the clothing but wear jewelry and maybe go with a feminine hair style or something? I think it would be easier for you to ease in to things before you try to present entirely female and then have a panic attack or something.

Best of luck, love and light to you!

My therapist told me that I could dress, on the first or second appt. I laughed and said that would never happen. SURPRISE! Haha

My first couple times was definitely rough, worrying about people. But after a while, it just becomes 'normal', and who you are.....

[Steffi_Memmel]

A huge THANKS to everybody that gave of their time and experience.  Amazingly, I STILL have four more freakin' days until my appointment...  I could possibly die of a an anxiety attack before it ever gets here (JK)

I haven't yet decided, for 100%, but I am still thinking that starting off at straight cis-male is best.  Firstly, so the therapist can see the contrast when I do dress/act as Steffi, and second, so I don't have to try and dress to impress...  I think I have enough to worry about, without wondering if my makeup and hair look okay...

Although, I DO have the entire weekend to practice makeup

Thanks again to all of you!

/hugs

-Steffi

 

[Guest]

46 minutes ago, Steffi_Memmel said:

A huge THANKS to everybody that gave of their time and experience.  Amazingly, I STILL have four more freakin' days until my appointment...  I could possibly die of a an anxiety attack before it ever gets here (JK)

I haven't yet decided, for 100%, but I am still thinking that starting off at straight cis-male is best.  Firstly, so the therapist can see the contrast when I do dress/act as Steffi, and second, so I don't have to try and dress to impress...  I think I have enough to worry about, without wondering if my makeup and hair look okay...

Although, I DO have the entire weekend to practice makeup

Thanks again to all of you!

/hugs

-Steffi

 

A WHOLE weekend of practice? Hehe. Have fun! 

Each time I go to see my Endo (checkups, hormone blood work and such, every three months) She walks into the room and her jaw drops and says “I just cant believe the changes”.

Like a kid getting a toy from the doctor, LOL.