Self Protection And Feeling Like You Have To In Some Way Play Both Gender Roles

[Guest Christie]

I was reading the forums earlier and I ran across a post under the "Girls are scary" topic. A lot of discussion was about being "macho" prior to transistioning. I live in Louisville, KY and it seems as if the trans-comunity is over all excepted here, though there are always those who dont anywhere you go. Like trying to get a job around here. I think a lot of managers/employers (sp?) are ok with trans-people on a personal level but when it comes to who to hire it seems like they feel that they have to not want to hire us. Basically somewhere along the lines of the many of stories that I am sure are floating around the GLBT community; where someone is Gay Lesbian Bi or Trans and they have that one friend that is ok with it but when in a group (that you havent already come out to) they will start making remarks about not liking or approving of the GLBT comunity at all. Then you end up not saying anything and feeling miserable just trying not to be outed. I am sure there are too many simular situations that have/are/will happen. Other people just dont understand all together and try to do the "if you dont mess with me i wont mess with you" thing. Unfortunately "mess with" could mean walking into a coffee shop and placing an order. That being said I will move on to the reason I am wrighting this.

The world is a hard, place to live in and takes a toll on us all even prior to coming out and transitioning (trust me I know how bad it can be.) For some of us in order to go the right dirrection we must go the wrong dirrection first. The take a step back to take 2 forward bit. The two people in my family that have supported me the 95% of my transition have been my mother and grandmother. They both are constantly worried about something happening to me. They were honestly like this before i event told them I am really a girl and had plans to transition and such. (not that it was all too much of a suprize to anyone who had really been around me when I was little and that werent in denial about it) As is I have been living full time (or as much as I can with only the limitations of facial hair really) for a few years now. I started hormones and TRYING to live full time when I turned 18(which is also when I changed my name legally.) I told most of my family between the ages of 15 (what I consider the start of my transition) and 18 (when there wasnt much anyone could do about it anymore.) I am about to turn 24 (may 09) so I have been in this life for quite a while now. Both my mother and my grandmother are convinced someone is going to try and do something to me some day. And honestly I am scared too. I have already been thru it and come close many times to being put in bad situions. Luckily I always had someone with me when that happened. And overall I would consider myself pretty lucky. Convincing those 2 that I will be fine there is nothing to worry about and having to worry all alone was starting to get to me.

Unforutnately some people arent so lucky. And I dont want to be one of those people. So I guess my question is . . . do any of you feel like you have to play a little more of a masculine role in order to overcome these situations or atleast so as to make you feel more like you can. "To keep from feeling helpless." I am sure there are a lot of ng/gg's in this world that have gone thru the same thing because they have to. For me there has been good and bad. It helped a lot with my depression and helped get me out of the house more. On the other hand now a lot of ppl seem to think I am crazy (not exactly what I was going for but in a way it does help) others "see the male come out in me" as they put it. Which really makes me mad when they say it even though they are kind enough to say it where no one can hear. And for me after all this time I am starting to feel like its really pushing me in the wrong dirrection now. I have lived all my life in fear of other people.

Some of my friends have suggested that when I meet someone that will change because he will be able to hold that role and I will just let it go. This is about the only thing anyone I know has come up with as a solution to this other than to buy a gun (I hate guns) or trying to force myself to just let myself be scared and go about life that way. I think in an odd way me never being the masculine type prior to transition (i was and still am a bit of a nerd to be honest with you) and starting transition so early (being only about 2 years around the ages of 13/14 that I acted "manly" at all) and knowing all my life exactly what I wanted and working towards that have made some things a little harder on me because I am going thru a mix of things that are both ng/gg and tg related. Atleast thats the way I look at it.

I am sorry I am long winded and a horrible writer. Please forgive me! Any help, questions, comments or concerns are much appreciated!

Always,

Christie <3

[Sally]

To keep my answer short, I never try to project male when I am out as Sally, I'm not full time yet, not even on hormones until July 20th but I find myself on a heightened sense of awareness that I should have had as a male but I have developed it now and like most women when you head to your car at night especially have your keys in your hand - so you don't have to fumble for them and they make an excellent weapon.

That's really all I do - never let that nasty old guy mode sneak back into your life.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest angie]

So I guess my question is . . . do any of you feel like you have to play a little more of a masculine role in order to overcome these situations or atleast so as to make you feel more like you can. "To keep from feeling helpless."

Always,

Christie <3

I started working around manly men before I started transition.Was up front about who I am and

where I am going.Have been tested and pushed to see if I would stand up for myself.I have one

advantage you will never have,I was a manager of a large manufacturing facilty for many years.

Assertiveness is in my genes.Not agression,assertiveness.You have to learn to standup for yourself,not let others push you around.But I must concede a point,when it is best to be quiet,and

not bring attention to yourself.(been there)Seems to me young lady,as young as you transitioned, you would blend in like any other women by now.I am a very out woman,unafraid to educate the ignorant about the truth of who we are.Gauge the company you are with,and if you deem you can say something in defense of your community,by all means do,don't say too much,information overload loses them.All they will see is a pretty young woman enlightening them to an aspect of life they have no inking about.And if you choose to tell them who are,you will probably shock the heck

out of them,having no clue you are a transwoman.

Um Mani Padme Hun!(what we seek we are)

Angelique-Angie

[Guest Leah1026]

Unfortunately some people arent so lucky. And I dont want to be one of those people. So I guess my question is . . . do any of you feel like you have to play a little more of a masculine role in order to overcome these situations or atleast so as to make you feel more like you can. "To keep from feeling helpless." I am sure there are a lot of ng/gg's in this world that have gone thru the same thing because they have to. For me there has been good and bad. It helped a lot with my depression and helped get me out of the house more. On the other hand now a lot of ppl seem to think I am crazy (not exactly what I was going for but in a way it does help) others "see the male come out in me" as they put it. Which really makes me mad when they say it even though they are kind enough to say it where no one can hear. And for me after all this time I am starting to feel like its really pushing me in the wrong dirrection now. I have lived all my life in fear of other people.

Some of my friends have suggested that when I meet someone that will change because he will be able to hold that role and I will just let it go. This is about the only thing anyone I know has come up with as a solution to this other than to buy a gun (I hate guns) or trying to force myself to just let myself be scared and go about life that way. I think in an odd way me never being the masculine type prior to transition (i was and still am a bit of a nerd to be honest with you) and starting transition so early (being only about 2 years around the ages of 13/14 that I acted "manly" at all) and knowing all my life exactly what I wanted and working towards that have made some things a little harder on me because I am going thru a mix of things that are both ng/gg and tg related. Atleast thats the way I look at it.

Don't know if this will help.....

I never figured out to be masculine. I spent my adult life hoping I would somehow figure it out, but never did.

By the time I had FFS I had been living as myself away from work for a year. The longer it went on the more irritating it became, I ached for the boy thing to be over. Once my last shift as "him" was done I was very happy to say goodbye to that double life. For the first time in my life I could just be me. No more monitoring my own behavior or watching what I said. Are you living full-time? No exceptions? As I explained there is a big mental difference between part-time and full-time.

Fear. I know this may sound weird, but welcome to the world of women. We have a lot to be afraid of. Men are violent. Society values men more. We are vulnerable. But that doesn't mean we are weak. Quite the contrary we are stronger in many ways.

I think your family has a ways to go in accepting you. They seem to be stuck on viewing you as male. Their thinking is "this is a dangerous thing for a man to do". Hopefully at some point they will move beyond that and fully accept your identity. I think once they do this talk will disappear and you will be truly welcomed into the circle of women.

[Guest Cait]

I pretend to be way more macho than i am.

I've been very much disrespected in life and so i don't want to be abused anymore by people's thoughtless words.

I bet it is hard trying to pass on the job though. Maybe in the future there will be a website that specifies that the employer will hire

TG people. I do my best to fit in as both genders as I recognize most people aren't comfortable with themselves enough to accept me.

High Hopes,

Cait

[Guest mia 1]

I'm happy and comfortable being a guy in guy and in girl situations..but when I fell the woman overtaking my maleness I readily welcome her int company mixed or with women...I wonder if that makes me different than most people here...It seems I am comfortable in either gender..and as far as bigots are concerned if they call me weird or gay I just thank them and tell them don't worry you're not my type.

For me it is easy Christie because I am "pensioned out"and don't seek employment only work when I want to and for the same company that I retired from...so I do understand your dilemma and bless your young heart for all the stress it puts on you...Mia

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I am still in the early stages of transition, heck I dont start HRT until next friday (hopefully) but I am getting frustrated living as myself in the house and having to switch gender to go to workl