Accepting the girl

[MarEllX]

Ok… so lately I’ve been examining my feelings some more, and I’m still kind of confused and hoping for some advice from everyone.

The thing is… I am accepting the fact that I’m probably transgender. I just have a problem seeing myself as a girl. In the end, I only see myself as a guy who wants to be a girl… which, at the end of the day, still makes me feel like a guy. So I’m just asking anyone how they were able to accept the girl within themselves. Thanks!!  <3

[Jani]

It may take some time to fully see and relate to yourself as other than your birth gender.  It took me some time and it eventually takes hold when you are ready.  My doubts were over then.  Others related to me correctly and I felt better about myself.  This is not an overnight thing where we throw a switch and it's done.  As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was your old self.  Your new persona will take time to develop as well.  Make peace with yourself and give yourself some time.  It will all come together.  Trust me. 

Jani

[Guest Kaylee]

I started wishing I was a girl around 6, and knew I "wanted"  to transition at 20... But I couldn't/didn't see myself as female. What changed my mind about "transition",  was a you tube video of someone who had done it,  and how much happier they were. 

It took that,  a huge leap, and honestly...  some photos I took (at 6 months hrt)  where the person in the mirror finally looked like the person I knew I was for decades. 

Still... 2.5 years on hrt,  and it's only in the last few months where I no longer see the person I was before in the mirror. 

All of this comes with  time.  Different amounts for different people. I hope whatever you choose leads to happiness

 

Hugs, 

Kaylee

[Cindy Truheart]

I've been on HRT for 7 months and I sometimes still feel like a man. But I'm still not out at work yet. However since I went full time everywhere but work it happens less and less. I'm more comfortable now than I have ever been, more content. It's difficult to explain. But for me it hasn't been about accepting the girl inside, it's been more like getting to know myself. I never realized how much I love flowers. I never realized how much I love to go shopping. I never realized how much I love BoHo fashion and trolling the thrift stores for denim and lace! I never knew what it was like to just relax, I mean REALLY relax, even in public.

Accepting the girl inside? No. I'm just getting to know her.

Love and light darlin'!

[VickySGV]

I have been in this a little longer and I no longer look for a girl in the mirror, I simply see a me there, whatever and whoever that may be. I get occasional flash backs of "him" especially in "his" CD time frame when I am probably overdoing my girl thing, but even "he" is still me. The difference is that I know who I am today and have confidence without beating myself up looking for perfection as a female.  Could I be read as male?? I don't really care and have lived through those moments just fine as "me" no matter what other people may have seen.  "Luke, I am your father" is a line I would like to use to someone prying or being uppity with me.  I have not had to yet.  There is no shame in your cross gender feelings, and it will be that moment when that sinks in that you will accept the male past and the increasingly female future.  You may even get to female, and start a slight swing back toward center, but you will be yourself.

[tracy_j]

Things have been with me for many years - since first school. I have never felt fully male. LIfe goes very much up and down, as per what I see in the mirror - it varies.

It is more a case of how I feel. I am not male. I am not fully female either. I feel like me. I am a mix of male and female. Physically more male than female, and mentally more female than male. Being mentally more female I love my feminine looks, but the changer is the understanding of many women that they do not have the perfect hourglass figure and spotless complexion. One of my most used sayings is 'I am the woman I am!'

Tracy

[Guest Ladyinker]

Talking to a gender therapist can help this, at least it did for me. It takes time, and it is hard to face yourself like this, it can even be scary. There are a lot of big moments to being transgender and transitioning, and they all seem really scary before you take that leap into the unknown. Then, at least for me, it wasn't near as bad as I was making it out to be. Be brave, and not to hard on yourself.

 

Erin

[Swan13]

Hello all!  Hard to believe that it has been nearly 6 months.  I just want to say that this question has been and continues to be my greatest struggle. 

Currently I have been on HRT for 3 months and honestly there has been only minimal changes, but somehow knowing that I am on my way to truly being me and the comfort/happiness that this has provided has led to some acceptance of myself.  I should say that I am not out to anyone with the exception of my partner and that this in and of itself has been a supreme challenge.  At this point acceptance of myself continues to be tied to other's acceptance of who I truly am, which is an enormous catch 22 for a plethora of obvious reasons.  The process of therapy has been helpful in providing me a place to work through this cognitive dissonance.  I have fluctuated between a place of needing to present as female and shame/guilt about having these feelings and trying to find security in my masculinity.  What it always comes back to is that when I am dressed as female (at home) or simply allowing myself to be more in touch with my femininity I feel calm/happy/giddy whereas the other times I have an underlying level of anxiety/frustration/general dissatisfaction with life.  The more I move down this path (honestly more like being drug at times) the more I recognize that my happiness lies in my femininity and the knowledge of this has provided me with more self acceptance.

Hope that was not too convoluted.  I also want to say that reading through the responses on this thread has been most helpful for me and I have to admit that 6 months ago my own response would likely be very different than it is today. 

Thanks for the thread and all the thoughtful responses!

[MarcieMarie12]

I am almost 1 and a half years on HRT. The guilt and shame associated with being transgender went when I realized that this was not a phase and that not all boys want to be girls and it a great secret. I realized that masculinity was not really a part of me,just something I tried to be when needed (but always felt wrong). It took me a while to get here too.

 

I am female in mind and my body betrayed me. Fixing the body is the only recourse where I do not lose myself.