"Dear gosh, help me process all these feelings/thoughts" Megapost

[flyinhawaiian16]

Hi all, my name is Jake, and I wanted to post  with a megathread of questions, cause I get anxious when I ask my IRL trans friends too many questions, and you folks here are very helpful and kind.

A little bit of backstory:

I am a 23 year old man living in New England. I work at a major store, whose name I shan't disclose to keep my anonymity. Over the course of the last few months, I've been coming to the realiztion that I think I may be a woman. I have opened up to my girlfriend about this, and though she has a few apprehensions (due only to the fact it's a big thing to comprehend), she's very supportive.

I've come before you wonderful folks to ask a -crap--load of questions, and any and all answers will be deeply appreciated  

1 - I thought for a brief couple days that I would soon qualify for health insurance through my workplace, and I was elated, because I had the first sign that I may soon be able to start HRT. I found out later that I don't average enough hours per week to qualify for it. THat being said, through personal experience, is there any insurance that you know of that covers the doctor visits and/or the prescription costs of HRT?

2 - Because I won't be able to start HRT for gosh-knows-how-long, what are some things I can do to feel more feminine on a day-to-day basis? When it's just my gf and I around the house, I wear more feminine clothes, and she's gonna start showing me how to do light makeup stuff, including clear coat nail polish and clear mascara, things that won't be too noticeable. I've also been wearing fruity chapstick, as I've seen suggested elsewhere. What are some other things?

3 - Body hair removal. I know that after beginning HRT, my body and facial hair will grow slower and thinner and lighter. What can I do before beginning HRT? I have a few old, but still unused, razors that I've used, and an electric razor that I've used for my thighs, torso, and sensitive areas. I've not shaved my calves because I'm still presenting male. I'm going to shave my arms soon, though. Any razor recommendations? Or is Nair/Veet more viable?

4 - Post-HRT erections. I know for a fact that once I fully transition, I will keep my penis. I've had it for long enough, I know how to use it, clean it, etc. But a concern my gf and I have is sex after HRT. I know that erections are few and far between due to the estrogen. What can a trans woman's sex life expect to be after HRT while still having a penis?

5 - Tucking? I've seen homemade tutorials for how to make a gaffe(?) and I've used it for a few hours at a time. Is there any specific product that helps remain tucked but is still discreet in case I'm wearing short shorts, etc? Any other general tucking tips?

6 - Resources. I live in a town rich with thrift stores, etc. What sorts of things can I look into to better my self and ease the dysphoria? And what sorts of resources are there for the partners of transgendered people? I'm new to this as much as my GF is, and she has questions that I simply can't answer, and they're sensitive questions that she doesn't wanna ask just anyone about. Would her best bet be posting anonymously here?

7 - Dressing for flat-chested, pre-HRT women. Until I start HRT, I'm going to be flat chested. What/where are good places to look for clothes that I can wear around the house, for a flat chested woman? Dresses, shirts, etc?

I think that's all. Thanks ahead of time for your answers

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi there! I'll reference my suggestions or answers to your questions by the number.

1.  I would suggest finding a gender therapist near you. Ask your trans friends for recommendations. For insurance, most will cover HRT, therapy sessions are also covered. It also depends on who you go to, if they accept that insurance or not. I think most of the plans available via the Affordable Care Act cover trans care. But things like electrolysis and laser hair removal are not usually covered.

2. Under dressing is a good start. Basically wear woman's underwear, it helped me early on in my transition with my dysphoria.

3. Body hair will thin out or disappear completely, facial hair has to be removed by either laser or electrolysis. With HRT your mileage may vary. I lost enough of my body hair that I have as much as a cis-girl. Others I know have needed laser or electrolysis on their body hair.

FYI-Laser is easier and quicker (does multiple hairs), but will not be 100% effective. Electrolysis is slow, and hairs sometime need multiple attempts to remove (most don't).  But both are not pleasant experiences.

4. As with item #3, your mileage may vary with HRT, it may still work though for some it does stop working. You will most likely have a significant decrease in your sex drive.

5. I don't tuck, too uncomfortable for me, but there is something called a gaffe that helps with tucking. Also tight fitting tights and shape will help as well. I also found that people generally don't stare at your crotch.

6. Figure out what styles and sizes fit you best. You will soon realize that women's sizes vary from one label to the next. A size 14 dress might be a size 16 dress for another designer. The same goes with shoes. 

To help with dysphoria, I would suggest working on your outfits, make-up and perhaps hanging out as your female self with some of your transgender friends. Once your comfortable, perhaps trying to go out. 

We do welcome significant others, so she is welcome to ask her questions here. She might also want to talk to any of your trans friends partners. 

7. Get a small push-up bra (a B-cup)--it will give you a little cleavage. You can also find breast forms if you can afford them, and there are bras specifically designed for holding them. Being flat chested dosn't work well with plunging neck lines, beyond you just need to try things out.

Lastly, take your time. You do not need to do everything at once. This is not a race. Also, be honest with yourself. If you take a step and it does not feel right to you, that is ok. You do not need to do everything possible to transition. You deciding that being non-op is ok is a good example of this.

Hugs,

Marcie

[Guest CLAIRE100]

W

[Guest CLAIRE100]

What Marcie suggests are all good suggestions, I started with the underdressing myself which was a suggestion from my gender therapist, I also started using clear nail polish on my still masculine looking finger nails. Early on I started shaving my legs and under my armpits, all were small actions but helped greatly in making me feel less of the dysphoria .I must tell you that at least for me it was like letting the genie out of the bottle to the point that I have been living full time for over a year with out owning any male clothing anymore.Do I pass, not a real beauty by any means I'm 66 years old and HRT can only do so much but I feel so good about myself that I don't really care what other people may think. I go about my days as as an older woman and for the most part I am treated as such. Like Marcie I don't tuck either HRT has helped with that though it was never that big to begin with and when I need it a good control top briefer suffices.Find a good gender therapist and go from there, transition is a marathon not a sprint.