Hello! It’s nice to meet you.

[SarahMarieSFC]

Hi everybody,

I just bought my first little black dress. It arrives tomorrow.

I did a little poking around because I really wanted to talk to someone about what I just did. First, I  went to a transvestite sex form. Wow! I wasn’t ready for that. It scared the crap out of me. That was clearly not the place for me to start. I was way to scared to post anything. I closed my laptop and went back to watching TV. I think I went there first because I thought I might be able to associate because I went to a trans bar once.

Then I searched, “crossdress forum” and the first place I signed up for never granted me access. I waited three days. Then I found you. I found what looks like might be a safe place here.  Please be nice to me. All these new feelings have me really on edge and I’d really like someone to talk to. Someone with no agenda. Someone I can be open about my feelings with. When I signed up for the last board I was a little mad that I couldn’t just jump right in and talk. Now that I’ve had a few days to read a good amount of their most recent post and the forums here I feel less on edge. Still unsettled but better. Time was a good thing. This I’m sure is equally as good a place, if not better. I took the time and read all of the introductions going back four months and it made me realize I forgot one thing. I’m definitely a guy who likes guy things like beautiful women, beer and baseball but there is clearly something inside of me that I’ve locked up in the back of my mind. I’m here to share that with you. Thank you for having me. I’m still really struggling with trying to wrap my head around this and tackle some of the strong emotions I’m having. 

The first thing I need to do is find good brick and mortar clothing stores that have my size. All the really cute little mini skirts I’ve so far found online were too small for me. I especially liked a shinny strapless royal blue peplum I found. I look great in blue. It brings out my deep eyes. I want more than anything to look pretty.

What would be great is if I had the courage to go to a brick and mortar. I know there are a few shops that would welcome me, it is San Francisco, but I haven’t looked to see where/ who they are. I feel I need to talk about this new experience a little more before going out shopping and IRL. I’m looking for some strategies on being around strangers. It’d be nice to find a local place I could go to talk to people who have gone through or are going through what I’m experiencing and not worry about someone trying to hit on me or judge me for looking at clothes. Any suggestions? I don’t even know what I want to talk about when I get there but I didn’t want to go to CL. I assume people there are always looking for something in return and I’m not willing to do that. With this new reality there is a ton of fear. I definitely have butterflies. I am really scared now that I think about it. Really scared. The problem I’m seeing now is that since society doesn’t cast such a dark shadow on our reality the local hangouts where I could find like minded people have gone away. When I google for hangouts I only find two clubs. Both come with a cover charge to get in as well. That’s not what I’m looking for. I just want a place that I can go talk to people. Not a club with dancing girls that I have to pay to get into.

This isn’t totally new. I’ve had thoughts in the past that it might be good to wear pink panties but never acted on it. Over the years I’ve caught myself more than a few times checking out a beautiful crossdresser. Last Sunday though, I really wanted to be wearing a cute little dress so I googled it and bought an LBD and panties. Did I buy it as more than just something cute to watch TV in? At the time I was thinking how nice it would be to just lay on my bed in a pretty dress. Something comfortable to watch TV in. Now I’m asking myself other questions. I feel too shy to ever have anyone look at me or share what I look like in it.  I don’t know what to think. I do know that at the time of purchase I was not drunk or stoned or under any duress. **This frightens me. A lot! I made this choice. I did this. I really must want this and the feeling is not going away.** I want to be as open with you as possible while keeping it PG. I feel like this all just happened so quickly. I don’t know where to go with it or what to think, feel or do next.

Am I giving mixed messages?

What I do know is I'm way to scared to do anything outside of my bedroom. I’m confused. I’m brand new to this. My little dress hasn’t even arrived in the mail yet but I can’t stop thinking about it. I really hope I look cute in it.

The thing I’m struggling with the most is I can’t tell anyone I’m close to. That takes some of the excitement out of it and brings up a lot of fear and insecurity. I just want a safe place to talk to sincere people so I can understand the way I'm feeling before moving forward. I know that I need to come out to those most important to me but I just bought the dress and I haven’t even tried it on. It arrives tomorrow night. Oh, I should have bought a slip too, right? I guess I should have gotten a bra too. And heels. Red ones.

It’s nice to meet you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you. Please be open and honest with me. I’m trusting in you to give me the best tools to work with who I am.

I didn't think that clicking the buy button would surface so much consternation.

Looks like I’m going to need a name; “Sarah Marie” has a nice ring to it.

Thanks for adding me to your group Laura and thanks everybody else for reading,

Sarah

[VickySGV]

Hi Sarah. welcome to The Playground.  Some of your answers are here, and it is worth looking at what we have.  It was 20 years ago that I first went out as Vicky and had  no idea that my trip would eventually put me here as a member / moderator, and even more lead me to a 4 day hospital stay for all the right reasons.  Up in San Francisco the Tenderloin district is the Trans* neighborhood with places that can be a bit scary at first but can be navigated.  There is a Trans* Community Center there as well and there are boutiques on the border of the Tenderloin and Castro Districts that advertise for Trans* and Drag Queen customers.  I am down south of SF, but have been up there quite a few times with no trouble at all, but I am pretty "street wise" from my former occupation.

Don't try to get everything done by tomorrow is rule one.  There is a community up there so rule 2 is do not go solo until you have experience with other people around you.  Cross Dressing is fun as long as you play it safe for the neighborhood you are out in.  {Walking across the Golden Gate Bridge wearing a knee length skirt the first time is a blast, but for that hike, wear kitten heels or flats (your feet and ankles will thank you) or a dressy pair of women's work shoes.}

It is going to take time to get answers to who you actually are, probably YEARS, and you may go through several phases before you decide on the right one for you with the help of a Gender Therapist if you really need to go deeper than dressing in private or going out to safe CD venues once or twice a month.  I still like 99% of the hobbies and other "male" interests and you can find me doing Public Service Communications work with a Ham Radio I belong to, and who, I am out to since I am simply "on the other side" these days.,

[SarahMarieSFC]

Wow Vicky,

Thank you. This really means a lot. There is a ton here and I sincerely appreciate you responding directly to my concerns and doing so, so quickly. 

I understand that I need to take my time with this. I'm in no hurry. I've got the rest of my life.

The last thing I'm going to do is risk getting myself in trouble. I'm not going anywhere solo until I've spent some time with friends that can help me navigate the new areas of the city that I've passed through everyday for the last 15 years. The TL with a new set of eyes. I like it.

thanks again,

Sarah

[VickySGV]

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to Laura's! Some good advice I received when I first got here was that there is no rush to put a label on ourselves coming out the gate. Take your time. Get the dress, try it on, and enjoy it. See where it takes you. 

A gender therapist or psychologist could help with coming to understand who and what you are.

I haven't found any mean people here yet. We're all a friendly bunch. And Laura's Playground is a safe place. We're not a sex site, so we won't hit on you. We're all here to help support each other. So yes, you've found a safe haven to meet a few friends and share understanding. Laura's has helped me greatly. It helped me discover I'm not alone in the world. There are others like me who understand what I go through and care. I'm glad you've found Laura's and hope it proves helpful to you as well.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?????

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Sarah, welcome to Laura's!

If going out, I would definitely consider meeting other crossdressers and transwomen. They could be a great resource, and a way to meet new friends. It helped me immensely in what to do (and what not to do).

Hugs,

Marcie

 

[Charlize]

Hi Sarah.  As you are seeing you are hardly alone.  Like you i only saw sex sites on the internet and while i was a bit drawn in they were not what i was looking for.  When i found Laura's i was able to post and read responses from others who shared their journey.  There isn't any hierarchy here.  All parts of the spectrum are welcome.  Some of us find satisfaction in crossdressing at home, underdressing in the outside world while some transition fully.  We all share a journey to finding comfort in our lives and identities.

Welcome.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Cyndee]

Welcome Sarah, and thanks for your intro. I hope you enjoy the dress. I think what you are expressing is healthy and will allow you to explore a part of yourself, long locked away. 

Look forward to reading more of your posts. 

Hugs

Cyndi -

[Khoriilya]

Hi Sarah, and welcome!  I hope we can be friends!

Love, Celest 

[SarahMarieSFC]

12 hours ago, SarahMarieSFC said:

Hi everybody,

I just bought my first little black dress. It arrives tomorrow.

I did a little poking around because I really wanted to talk to someone about what I just did. First, I  went to a transvestite sex form. Wow! I wasn’t ready for that. It scared the crap out of me. That was clearly not the place for me to start. I was way to scared to post anything. I closed my laptop and went back to watching TV. I think I went there first because I thought I might be able to associate because I went to a trans bar once.

Then I searched, “crossdress forum” and the first place I signed up for never granted me access. I waited three days. Then I found you. I found what looks like might be a safe place here.  Please be nice to me. All these new feelings have me really on edge and I’d really like someone to talk to. Someone with no agenda. Someone I can be open about my feelings with. When I signed up for the last board I was a little mad that I couldn’t just jump right in and talk. Now that I’ve had a few days to read a good amount of their most recent post and the forums here I feel less on edge. Still unsettled but better. Time was a good thing. This I’m sure is equally as good a place, if not better. I took the time and read all of the introductions going back four months and it made me realize I forgot one thing. I’m definitely a guy who likes guy things like beautiful women, beer and baseball but there is clearly something inside of me that I’ve locked up in the back of my mind. I’m here to share that with you. Thank you for having me. I’m still really struggling with trying to wrap my head around this and tackle some of the strong emotions I’m having. 

The first thing I need to do is find good brick and mortar clothing stores that have my size. All the really cute little mini skirts I’ve so far found online were too small for me. I especially liked a shinny strapless royal blue peplum I found. I look great in blue. It brings out my deep eyes. I want more than anything to look pretty.

What would be great is if I had the courage to go to a brick and mortar. I know there are a few shops that would welcome me, it is San Francisco, but I haven’t looked to see where/ who they are. I feel I need to talk about this new experience a little more before going out shopping and IRL. I’m looking for some strategies on being around strangers. It’d be nice to find a local place I could go to talk to people who have gone through or are going through what I’m experiencing and not worry about someone trying to hit on me or judge me for looking at clothes. Any suggestions? I don’t even know what I want to talk about when I get there but I didn’t want to go to CL. I assume people there are always looking for something in return and I’m not willing to do that. With this new reality there is a ton of fear. I definitely have butterflies. I am really scared now that I think about it. Really scared. The problem I’m seeing now is that since society doesn’t cast such a dark shadow on our reality the local hangouts where I could find like minded people have gone away. When I google for hangouts I only find two clubs. Both come with a cover charge to get in as well. That’s not what I’m looking for. I just want a place that I can go talk to people. Not a club with dancing girls that I have to pay to get into.

This isn’t totally new. I’ve had thoughts in the past that it might be good to wear pink panties but never acted on it. Over the years I’ve caught myself more than a few times checking out a beautiful crossdresser. Last Sunday though, I really wanted to be wearing a cute little dress so I googled it and bought an LBD and panties. Did I buy it as more than just something cute to watch TV in? At the time I was thinking how nice it would be to just lay on my bed in a pretty dress. Something comfortable to watch TV in. Now I’m asking myself other questions. I feel too shy to ever have anyone look at me or share what I look like in it.  I don’t know what to think. I do know that at the time of purchase I was not drunk or stoned or under any duress. **This frightens me. A lot! I made this choice. I did this. I really must want this and the feeling is not going away.** I want to be as open with you as possible while keeping it PG. I feel like this all just happened so quickly. I don’t know where to go with it or what to think, feel or do next.

Am I giving mixed messages?

What I do know is I'm way to scared to do anything outside of my bedroom. I’m confused. I’m brand new to this. My little dress hasn’t even arrived in the mail yet but I can’t stop thinking about it. I really hope I look cute in it.

The thing I’m struggling with the most is I can’t tell anyone I’m close to. That takes some of the excitement out of it and brings up a lot of fear and insecurity. I just want a safe place to talk to sincere people so I can understand the way I'm feeling before moving forward. I know that I need to come out to those most important to me but I just bought the dress and I haven’t even tried it on. It arrives tomorrow night. Oh, I should have bought a slip too, right? I guess I should have gotten a bra too. And heels. Red ones.

It’s nice to meet you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you. Please be open and honest with me. I’m trusting in you to give me the best tools to work with who I am.

I didn't think that clicking the buy button would surface so much consternation.

Looks like I’m going to need a name; “Sarah Marie” has a nice ring to it.

Thanks for adding me to your group Laura and thanks everybody else for reading,

Sarah

 

Sorry everybody - I don't know how best to reply to all of your love. I tried to put everybody in one reply but everything was glitching out. Everybody gets their own reply. Is there a better way? I've never really interacted on a board.

 

Hi Timber Wolf,

Thanks for the advice on what box to check for who and what I am. That somewhat simple remark is really resonating with me. There is clearly a lot more there to talk about.

My LBD is at the FedEx distribution facility here in SF so it will be delivered hopefully by the time I get home from work around 5. I’m very excited.

I’m looking forward to making a lot of new friends. Thanks for the warm welcome.

Sarah

[SarahMarieSFC]

Hi Marcie,

Thanks for the friendly hello. I see now there are not really any CD bars, etc. but it looks like there might be some meetup groups, oddly enough, not in the city but south in the Peninsula and north of the GGBR. I might look into those in the future but it’s still very early. We’ll come back to this in the future. I feel that just sitting down and chatting  over a coffee would help me with all of these feelings.

Sarah.

[SarahMarieSFC]

Hi Charlize,

God it feels good not to be alone. I was really afraid only the admin would reply and then crickets. That assumption was so far from the reality of where I am now. Thank you for your warm welcome. It feels good to be here. There is also a warm feeling inside of me that I don’t have to pigeon hole myself. It’s great to know how inclusive this place is, especially while I put this all together.

Sarah

[SarahMarieSFC]

Hi Cyndi,

Thanks for the hello. I hope I enjoy it too! I don’t yet know what my hope is except to better understand my feelings. The dress, that should be on my doorstep when I get home this afternoon, is the first step. I look forward to posting my feelings and where this journey leads me.  It feels good to be here.

Sarah

[SarahMarieSFC]

Hi Celest,

I'm looking forward to being friends and I appreciate you for saying hello. Breaking the ice is often the hardest part.

Hello!

Sarah.

[KathrynJulia]

Hello Sarah

Welcome to the playground.  I'm doing ahhhh right now.  I'm one handed and my iPad is ready for pickup from the shop.  I broke my screen yesterday.  So typing on a regular key board is difficult.  I had a really nice welcome typed out and somehow deleted all of it.  But welcome to this community.  Folks here are incredibly honest in their advice and offering help to new members.  . Nobody makes fun of any questions here.  I started here in 2012 and folks here helped me to fully transition and live full time.

But that was me and that is what I needed.  Your needs might be different than mine.  You will still be treated with respect here on the playground.  We have many community's that coexist together and we work together. to help and support each other. 

KathryJulia

[Jani]

Hi Sarah and welcome.  I'm on the other coast and sometime envious of you folks in CA.  As others have noted, take your time.  Life is a marathon not a sprint.  And you get to make your own rules.

As for treating you kindly, you will always be granted that wish here.  We will be honest with you but never harsh or blunt, unlike some other forums.  We're all here for the support we give and get.

Please join in the conversation whenever you can.

Jani

[SarahMarieSFC]

11 minutes ago, KathrynJulia said:

Hello Sarah

Welcome to the playground.  I'm doing ahhhh right now.  I'm one handed and my iPad is ready for pickup from the shop.  I broke my screen yesterday.  So typing on a regular key board is difficult.  I had a really nice welcome typed out and somehow deleted all of it.  But welcome to this community.  Folks here are incredibly honest in their advice and offering help to new members.  . Nobody makes fun of any questions here.  I started here in 2012 and folks here helped me to fully transition and live full time.

But that was me and that is what I needed.  Your needs might be different than mine.  You will still be treated with respect here on the playground.  We have many community's that coexist together and we work together. to help and support each other. 

KathryJulia

Hi KathryJulia,

iPads have a way of breaking. I'm on my 5th iPhone in two years. Always get the best warranty/coverage!

I found the right friends here. It’s a blessing to know that people will be forward on honest. I’ll tell you when you piss me off so don’t worry about it. I’d rather be mad and informed than blissfully ignorant. I’m quick to forgive.

I don’t know what my needs are. That’s the frightening part. I wasn't kidding. I’m really afraid of the emotions I'm feeling but embracing the fear nonetheless.

I’m sorry that your welcome got deleted. Those things happen. In time I’m sure you’ll be able to convey everything to me. I'm in no rush.

Sarah

 

[MarcieMarie12]

2 hours ago, SarahMarieSFC said:

Hi Marcie,

Thanks for the friendly hello. I see now there are not really any CD bars, etc. but it looks like there might be some meetup groups, oddly enough, not in the city but south in the Peninsula and north of the GGBR. I might look into those in the future but it’s still very early. We’ll come back to this in the future. I feel that just sitting down and chatting  over a coffee would help me with all of these feelings.

Sarah.

The LGBT bar I go to has a mix of types, basically everything under the rainbow flag. This includes cross dressers (and some of them do drag). It is a whole lot of fun except of the noise since it is always crowded and the karyoke (some of the patrons sing very well some not so much).

 

[SarahMarieSFC]

31 minutes ago, Jani423 said:

Hi Sarah and welcome.  I'm on the other coast and sometime envious of you folks in CA.  As others have noted, take your time.  Life is a marathon not a sprint.  And you get to make your own rules.

As for treating you kindly, you will always be granted that wish here.  We will be honest with you but never harsh or blunt, unlike some other forums.  We're all here for the support we give and get.

Please join in the conversation whenever you can.

Jani

 

Hi Jani,

I love this city. I don’t plan to ever leave.

I really didn’t expect so much love from this community. It’s an amazing feeling. If anything I’m going to take my time. You may not see me in the forms immediately. There is a lot to take in here and I want to try to best understand, with these new resources, what has been going on inside of me first.

Sarah

[Jani]

20 minutes ago, SarahMarieSFC said:

I don’t know what my needs are. That’s the frightening part. I wasn't kidding. I’m really afraid of the emotions I'm feeling but embracing the fear nonetheless.

Well none of us really did so you're in good company.  I was also afraid of the emotions as I used to be a type A aggressive in many ways, never letting my emotions show.  You need to let go and not be afraid.  If you every decide to go on HRT you will really learn what your emotions are capable of.  

Again, you are not alone in your thoughts and you are among friends who share your journey.

Jani