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Chris

By Chris,
in Introductions Forum

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Chris Junior Member

Chris

Posted
Posted

I don't know where to start.  I'm Chris, a boy trapped and buried deep inside, locked away in a body i can't escape. 

I'm turning 50 this year.  Am married to a wonderful man. I guess that makes me even more confusing for everyone.  

Even in my mothers belly, she was sure I'd be a boy, so much different then my sister.  So sure of it, my parents had only picked out a boys name. 

But growing up my mother never let me be who I was.  She always told me no one would like me nor ever love me if I dressed like a boy.  I never understood why I had to wear girly things. 

My sister hated me.  She wanted a sister to play tea, someone to put makeup on and dress up with.  All I wanted to do was rough house and play in the dirt. 

I guess when I told people I'm a tomboy, that I hate these clothes on me, that I hate seeing myself in the mirror, they just thought typical girl problems.  I guess I thought no one cared enough to ask exactly what I meant. 

Anyways... I feel so alone.  I see so many transitioning and I am envious, I don't think I will be able to because of heath reasons.  I want to show the world who I truly am. 

As much as my husband is great, he seems to avoid talking to me about it.  He said he doesn't want to lose me.  I can understand that.  I don't want to lose him either. I feel guilty, he deserves a great woman, not me.

I have tried to find groups around me, but my emails go unanswered. 

I sometimes can't wait for this life to end and I pray and hope my next life all will be right.  

 

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MaryEllen Gold Member

MaryEllen

Posted
  • Root Admin
Posted

Hello Chris,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)  Thank you for sharing your story with us. No need to feel alone here. You're among friends. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. We're here to help. :)

MaryEllen

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Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
  • Admin
Posted

Welcome to the Playground, Chris.  Please look around, read and learn all you can.  You may find that change is not so impossible after all.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest ZombieDracula

Guest ZombieDracula

Posted
Posted

I don't have any advice other than take care of yourself and be yourself and keep yourself safe.

Welcome to Laura's and I hope you're able to become yourself fully. :)

- ZD

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Charlize Rhodium Member

Charlize

Posted
  • Forum Moderator
Posted

Hello Chris and welcome to Laura's.  I never thought i'd be able to live as myself. I also was concerned about the pain i would cause my wife and family, not to mention the other difficulties.  It hasn't been easy but we have made it.  I was 63 when i went full time.  Due to health problems i've had somewhat limited medical assistance but i'm now living the life i always felt was mine.  

You are certainly not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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gennee Rhenium Member

gennee

Posted
Posted

Hi Chris and welcome to Laura's. I came out as Gennee nearly a dozen years ago at age fifty-six. Don't give up; your day will come. 

 

:)

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KathrynJulia Rhenium Member

KathrynJulia

Posted
Posted

Hi Chris

Years ago I came to Laura looking for answers  and now I live as I always wanted to be.  Its never too late to reinvent your life. I lost my son  but am very close to my daughter.  She flying out of St Louis this Saturday, but we're going to get together for breakfast.  I'm retired now at 62 and came out and began living living as Kathryn July 1st 2013.  Haven't looked back once. I'm happier now than all the years I pretended to be an unhappy man.   You too can stop pretending to be unhappy woman and be come the guy you should have been born as.:)

Call me Kathryn now.

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Cindy Truheart Titanium Member

Cindy Truheart

Posted
Posted

Hi Chris, welcome to Laura's.

I understand. I was forced to be something I wasn't. I had two older sisters that I wanted to play 'house' with or do each other's hair. My Dad sat me down one day and told me I couldn't be a girl and that was that. Cue the tragic childhood music and put me on the Lifetime network mini-series for all the crap I went through. Forty years later and a mountain of mental issues that will probably have me in therapy for the rest of my life and I find myself married to a woman who is fantastic, but I'm pretty sure I'm only attracted to men. So yeah, I understand you. We are here for you whenever you need us, Laura's is a wonderful place, welcome home.

Love and Light.

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Chris Junior Member

Chris

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone for your warm welcome! It means a lot to me! Thank you also for sharing your stories! 

Chris

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