Restroom

[Jill55]

I have full time for over one and a half years and on hormones for a little over 9 months, but my biggest challenge is going to a public restroom. I'm slowly getting over the fear of using the ladies room. Do any of you girls have any suggestions on how to reduce my fear.

[MarcieMarie12]

I cam to the conclusion the men's room would be too awkward for me to use and the ladies room was fine. I started with single stalls (some places those are gender neutral) then worked up to go in restrooms elsewhere. It also helps that I had a cis-girlfriend go with me the first few times into a crowded ladies room.

[VickySGV]

If you can do it, the "buddy system" for multi-user female RR's is really the best way at first, or if you have the chance, pick a place where Trans* folks are accepted such as a club or entertainment venue where other Trans* folk are using the preferred gender rooms.  I did both in my early days, and the Trans* Club's were simply fun in themselves.  For buddy-system, help, actually join with a support group who goes out and does things.  Another way is to look around, and if you see a wide variety of shapes and sizes of women where you are, just go on in and use the facility you need to and go in, do what you need to, wash your  hands and leave.  If some one looks at you, smile quickly and keep moving.  Women are watchful, but they watch for actions, and not for appearances, unless you are dressed in a ball gown in a room full of shorts and T-shirts, and over the top make-up you will be fine.

[Jill55]

Thank you for the help, i will have to try the buddy system. I guess it will get easier the more i use the restroom.?

[Dakota16]

I was petrified of using the ladies' room when I was just starting to dress female. I was convinced they'd see a guy and subsequently scream or whatever. At first, I only used restrooms in "low traffic" or "dead" areas. If I had to walk a little bit to find one, I was okay with that. If I was forced to a busier area, I'd usually lurk around paying attention to my phone but keeping an eye on people going in and out, using that to help judge if the restroom was busy or not. I know it seems silly now, but at the time (and having read not-so-comforting articles about Trans* women and public restrooms) it made more sense.

The first time I was forced to use a busy restroom (there wasn't a slow or dead area anywhere in the building) was when I was helping my wife with a craft fair. It ended up being just as unfriendly as some of the articles I read. Two older ladies were close to making a scene over me being there so I left in search of a more favorable (by that I mean "dead" to avoid another conflict) area. There wasn't one. I ended up making my wife worried since it took about 45 minutes before I found a "dead" restroom (and it was the mens' room at that). I should also note that this was before I learned (or even had) makeup.

The next time my wife went with me to the same busy restroom as before. She was ready for a verbal exchange and had my back if it happened again. I was nervous as all get out, but I was also paying attention to others from the corner of my eye. Nobody said anything. The vast majority of the women there didn't even pay attention to me. Those that did just shrugged me off and went about their business.

I still held on to the anxieties, but over time I noticed that everyone else in the restroom has the same goal I did: get in, do my thing, and leave. I did have a few people smile and say hi to be friendly, and I answered in kind with my own smile and "hello, how are you?" without seeing anything negative from them as soon as they heard my deep, male voice. Those experiences helped a ton.

Today, I don't worry about it. Whether it's high-traffic, low-traffic, or anywhere in between, I just go in. It's even more natural to me now than using the mens' room was before I started transitioning. I've had to wait in line a few times (and I do get several glances standing in line, but they still just shrug me off and turn their attention elsewhere), but for me that's a rarity given I drive buses and make stops at either rest areas or truck stops for restroom breaks.

Having someone go with me and repeatedly using "slow" restrooms went a long way to help me get used to getting over fears and anxieties. As long as you don't stand out as Vicky illustrated, you'll be fine.

[KathrynJulia]

Jill

I got over my fear by just using the ladies restroom every time I needed to go.It was very scary at first normal right.  But over time you get used to just using.  Its where I belong.  I had  a young woman tearing her purse apart a few weeks ago. I asked her if I could help.  Her period came early and she didn't have either a pad or a tampon.  I pulled out both.  She took the tampon thanking me profusely.  I'm 62 and well past menopause..  I carry them anyways to help out my fellow ladies who get caught without.  Being a woman Jill is a mindset.  If you are confident as a woman,you will be seen as a lady.   I went to a hospital today and was mammed and Miss Bacon and Miss Kathryn all morning..  I'm a woman in a tee shirt and Capri pants.  My purse over my shoulder.   I have breasts. nails done nicely.  My hair is styled in a salon every month.  My eye brows waxed and styled.  I look feminine.  I look like a lady.  Iam excepted asuch.   

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Well, the only way to get over your fear is to just go ahead and do it.

Make sure you look the part, act the part, behave the part, and don't draw attention to yourself.
Pro tip: don't use the handicapped stalls unless you need to use it, otherwise save those for the moms who come in with little children.

I guess, really, just do your thing without giving much attention to the people around you. Go in, do your business, flush, wash up, do a quick check on how you look, and leave. 

Also appreciate, as well as respect, the woman-only safe space that it is. 

[Clara84]

After a few months using WC for disabled persons (I began to go there months before transitioning because I already didn't feel at the right place in the men's room). I switched to ladies room a few weeks ago. Sometimes there were a lot of other girls but I hadn't any problem. Some say hello, some talked to me like everything was normal... uuh... but everything IS normal ;-) On the first time I was a little afraid but finally I think we shouldn't be. We are women and we just use the restroom assigned to our gender. 

[Jill55]

It has been a few weeks now and I thought I would update you ladies on my progress,  I used the ""buddy" system for about a week with no problems.  After that I decided to try going solo, I started with restroom that were a little out of the way and worked up to ones that were very busy.  One of busy restroom I had to stand in line to get into a stall. All I got in most of them was a quick glance. I must admit that the more I use them the easier it is to go in do what I have to and leave.

[VickySGV]

It did take me several months to get completely comfortable, and over the idea that EVERYONE was looking at me with horror on their faces.  I really really saw that, yes I really did!!    Today I am frequently the "designated buddy" for girls that are new to coming out in some groups I am a part of and I am watchful on behalf of my "little buddy" to see what really is happening.  What really is happening you ask?  Absolutely NO ONE is paying them the LEAST bit of attention!! 

Congratulations of coming peacefully into full life,

[Cindy Truheart]

14 hours ago, Jill55 said:

It has been a few weeks now and I thought I would update you ladies on my progress,  I used the ""buddy" system for about a week with no problems.  After that I decided to try going solo, I started with restroom that were a little out of the way and worked up to ones that were very busy.  One of busy restroom I had to stand in line to get into a stall. All I got in most of them was a quick glance. I must admit that the more I use them the easier it is to go in do what I have to and leave.

I think that is the key to it all. You just want to get in there and do what you need to do so that you can leave! I took it slow as well, single stall, buddy, all that. Now I'm struggling with remembering which one I'm supposed to go in to because I'm still acting male at work! That will change soon, but honestly, I'm at the point now of wondering why I was so worried...

[Charlize]

It took time for the fear to fade but each time i went it got easier.  Truthfully i would be scared to use the men's room now.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize