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n1ne

By n1ne,
in Introductions Forum

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n1ne New Member

n1ne

Posted
Posted

Hello everyone!  I'm new, and have only recently come to an understanding of myself that I am non-binary on some level.  I was born female and am attracted to males some of the time, but sometimes I have have dreams about physically being male and sleeping with women.  I've always been a tomboy, and rarely wear makeup or wear dresses.  When I wear makeup I don't like how it feels, but there are time when I can appreciate that I look nice.  But I don't feel authentic.  I also keep my long hair pulled back 99% of the time and only wear it down when I think it matters to someone else (i.e. job interview, pictures, etc).  I think growing up ultra-conservative, I was uber defensive about people thinking I was a lesbian because I was attracted to males.  But I also only understood that there were only 2 possibilities - I was either straight or gay, and I thought I was definitely straight.  As an adult I've come to understand that gender and attraction isn't black and white.

I'm still not 100% where I fall on the gender-identity spectrum or even who I'm attracted to.  I've read in a couple of places that I should speak to a gender therapist, which I'm sure I'll get around to, but just hoping for some understanding in the meantime.  Anywho, I'm happy to have found a friendly place to go through that discovery.

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MaryEllen Gold Member

MaryEllen

Posted
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Hello  n1ne,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing with us. We do understand what you are going through so feel free to ask questions. We'll try to provide answers. :)

MaryEllen

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MarcieMarie12 Ruthenium Member

MarcieMarie12

Posted
Posted

Hi N1ne,

One of the things I found with my therapist is that they are not there to provide the answer if you are trans our not, but guide our to understanding youserself so you can find your answer. There are sometimes barriers that prevent us from really understanding ourselves. For me, that was a lot of shame due to my religion and denial which manifested itself in more than a few ways.

Anyway, welcome to Laura's!

Hugs,

Marcie

 

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Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
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Welcome to the Playground, hon, and thank you for sharing your story with us.  We'll be here to answer your questions and guide you to the resources and understanding that you need.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Charlize Rhodium Member

Charlize

Posted
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Posted

Welcome to Laura's Nine.  I'm a bit new at this stuff as i'm just 69 years old and hope someday i'll understand my gender and sexuality.   In the meantime the exploration and growth i've found has helped me leave the fear and guilt i once felt behind.

Glad you've joined us.  It's good to know we're not alone in finding our path.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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tracy_j Palladium Member

tracy_j

Posted
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Posted

Hi N1ne

Nice to meet you :)

Tracy x

 

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

Posted
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Posted

Hello n1ne and welcome to Laura's.  Nine is my favorite number!  I also endorse seeing a counselor/therapist who specializes in Gender concerns.  I had hit a wall when I finally determined I needed to talk to someone who was neutral and understood what I was going through.  I succeeded on both counts and its been one of my better life choices.

Gender and attraction are certainly not as lineal as we have traditionally been lead to believe.  Once you are free to be Who you are, the attraction part will become more clear.  While in hiding I occasionally wondered about male companionship but now I know I am strictly attracted to women, particularly my wife.  

The best part of the journey is you can determine the speed and direction.  There are no rules that you start on one path and you must finish there.  You can deviate and explore until you are comfortable.  A lot of us have done that.  

I'm glad you're here.  Please join in to the conversation or start your own thread.

Jani

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KathrynJulia Rhenium Member

KathrynJulia

Posted
Posted

Hello N1ne

Welcome to Laura's.  Until I finally said enough, I'm through pretending to be my birth gender, I found I was a product of societies tag and boxed in a square box and I was programmed to act a certain way and think a certain way and what your sexual orientation was.  So we lived to make others happy.

After you go through gender therapy do we finally figure out who we really are. It has a way of exposing the real truth.  That's why the first step in transitioning is gender therapy.  You have to see a gender therapist before hormones, before any surgery can begin.  It should be started before laser hair removal or before electrolysis begins.  So good luck and welcome to the Playground.  If you have questions, we'll help answer them.

Hugs 

Kathryn

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Timber Wolf Rhenium Member

Timber Wolf

Posted
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Posted

Hi,

Sorry I'm late. How'd that happen?? Anyway, welcome to Laura's!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

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