It's Almost Time

[TexasLibraryLady]

So my GCS is only 3 weeks away. It's hard to believe sometimes that the day I thought would never come is almost here. I expected the last few weeks leading up to it to be a whirlwind of activity and emotions, but nothing like it has been. I leave for Thailand in two weeks. I feel like I still have so much to do to get ready, even though at this point it's mainly just packing. I've never been away for a month before and feel like there's a ton of stuff I'm forgetting to take care of even though my husband will still be here to take care of it.

This last week, I've been dealing with my blood work and x-rays. My white blood cell count was slightly elevated and my Dr. here ran the test twice more in 5 days to see if it was going down. Getting copies of the x-rays that were in a form I could send to Thailand was much harder than I thought it would be. Of course my biggest fear has been that something would postpone my surgery, or even possibly cause me to be ineligible. I spent the better part of a week confronting that fear. I do not like some of the places that took me.

As sure as I am about my choice (confronting the alternative, even if it was only a remote possibility, proved that) I still get those tiny quiet moments that say "Are you sure you want to do this?" I think it's important to share that. I didn't think I'd ever have those thoughts, and while I don't have any doubts, the thoughts are still there. It's ok to get those thoughts. It's ok to be nervous. I'm also happy and excited. I know that in a few short weeks, I will finally feel at ease in my body.

[MarcieMarie12]

I am going to be in that state very shortly (my GCS is scheduled on August 1st with Dr. Rumer). I just got confirmation that my surgery is now covered (I was told that it was, but never had any documentation that it was). I do question myself about this decision, nervousness for me is mostly about outcome. I am so worried about the pain...I get a daily reminder of dysphoria every morning, so my doubts seem silly.

[TexasLibraryLady]

Congratulations Marcie. I wish I could say the same about mine being covered, but it will be worth every cent.

I think part of it is that we get so much doubt/concern? (not sure what word I'm looking for) from other people that if we don't feel like we're walking into the operating room humming Ride of the Valkyrie plopping our bits on the table and saying "Let's go Doctor." that we're going to be told we're making a mistake. I've wanted this since I was 8, dreamed of the possibility even longer. I have no love for the thing that is there now, but in an odd way he's comfortable. Kind of like a boyfriend you outgrew but can't breakup with.

[Charlize]

Congratulations Macie!  I am sure there will be a time when you are not comfortable.  I have had some of that myself after various surgeries.  The best part of that is that the memory of that seems to fade quickly while the pleasure of living continues.  You'll do great despite the butterflies.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

1 hour ago, Charlize said:

 The best part of that is that the memory of that seems to fade quickly while the pleasure of living continues.  

-Charlize

That is definitely something I am looking forward to! 

 

[Guest KatherineR]

Hope you have an uneventful trip and wishing you a healthy recovery. Sending positive thoughts your way. 

[Briana]

The doubt, anxiety, and concern is totally normal.  ANY major surgery (...and really most minor ones) can cause those feelings.  I have seen people overcome with anxiety over wondering whether they are doing the right thing and back out the last minute.  And that was for things like cardiac and cancer surgery. 

You make a great point regarding people's perceptions on if you're doing the right thing cause you're not...as you say, bursting through the doors with The Ride of the Valkyries blaring behind you.  Although I admit that would be bad @$$ totally purse swinging lipstick swiping cool, it'd be a little on the abnormal side for most people.  The surgeons and staff may find it motivational though. 

I think many people including healthcare works get that perception, that you're making a mistake, because they don't understand.  They don't see it as a necessary part of the process for those that go down that road.  Many, again including healthcare workers, see it as an unnecessary elective surgery.  And that's "polite terminology" vs. what myself as well as others have heard some call it.

Easy for me to say, but do try to work through those concerns and focus on the tasks at hand and look forward to a great outcome. 

[Jani]

Your date is coming up quickly Janet.  It will soon all be a blur and you'll be on the other side.  You'll look down at your body and think OMG it's done!  I've passed the two week mark now and I can be somewhat active but I choose to lay low whenever I can to let myself fully heal.  The swelling is going down well as is the numbness and the "spray pattern" changes daily as every settles into place.  What an adventure!

My white cell count was high due to a cold but my doctor was not alarmed.  He never mentioned it.   I believe we tend to be optimistic about outcomes, so don't be surprised if you don't spring right out of bed the following day.  You're young and I know you'll do well.  I'll keep you in my thoughts.  Safe travels.

Jani 

[TexasLibraryLady]

Thank you everyone. I will be heading to the airport in a few short hours. I guess anything that I've forgotten at. This point will stay that way.

[Rachael]

Safe travels, and a speedy recovery. 

[tracy_j]

Good luck x

 

[TexasLibraryLady]

In Taipei for my layover. Just a couple more hours until I'm I'm Bangkok.

[TexasLibraryLady]

Finally settled at the hotel. My friend arrives late tonight.

A little advice: Don't watch The Danish Girl on your flight to have GCS because you think it's "fate" and you haven't seen it yet.

[Jani]

I'm glad you've arrived safely.  Relax and take it easy for a bit.  Before you know it you'll be in recovery.

Jani

[Charlize]

Best of luck dear!  Enjoy the sites as you can.  I know one member here who wants to go back after having a wonderful time.  Keep us in touch as you can.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Briana]

Best of luck!  Keep a positive attitude - you're gonna do great.

[MarcieMarie12]

Good luck!

[TexasLibraryLady]

Thank you all. I really liked my consultation. I just wish I had not had to start my liquid diet immediately. All this great food and I'm on chicken broth ?

Only 2 more days to go.

[SugarMagnolia]

Good luck, hon! Will it help at all if we all eat something yummy in your honor? ?

[TexasLibraryLady]

Go right ahead. Have the biggest celebration for me. 

2 days more to go.

[Jani]

I agree that the bowel prep is terrible.  My last meal was a bowl of Miso while my sisters had sushi at a restaurant my doctor recommended.   Don't worry, it's worth it.

Jani

[TexasLibraryLady]

My pickup time was moved up to 9:30 tomorrow. I'm starting to get nerves and doubts again. In no way is it that I want what I have now, but I know it. I know what it does and how it works. My post surgery instructions look so overwhelming. Getting through the first two weeks sound hard enough. How does anyone find time to function around dialation. Add to that all the care and maintenance instructions I'm getting from friends and I feel I'm not coming home with a new vagina, but with some form of exotic Gremlin.

[Charlize]

You will do fine dear.  We get through these things one day at a time and soon enough we tame that little gremlin.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Take a deep breath, you'll be fine.  You will come home as you wish, not a gremlin.  Although I admit it was a bit of a shock at first to look and see the new bits.  The first few weeks are a world wind tour of changes.  Soon it will be in the rearview mirror.

Jani

[TexasLibraryLady]

Surgery is done. I feel a bit like a mummy. They moved me to my private room this morning. Dr. Chettawut's staff is so nice. Breakfast was soy milf and hot cocoa, which was heaven after 3 days of broth.