Just joined - in closet

[NancyBalik]

Hi, It has taken me a long time to understand and accept that I am transgendered.  I have never been comfortable with my birth male gender, although I have lived my life as a man.  I am in my mid-60's, have children and grandchildren, and I live my life as a guy.  I "came out" rather awkwardly to my wife over 40 years ago (told her that I had a "fetish" for women's cloths) and since then we have talked with her about my feelings multiple times--usually resulting in tears (from both of us) and a return to our DADT agreement.  I have told her that I now understand that I am trans--she does not accept this.  I experience gender dysphoria every day, but have decided (for multiple reasons) to stay in my marriage, live my life as a male, and do my best to sublimate my femininity.  I do, and my wife tolerates this (and it is important to me as an expression of femininity) wear women's underwear under my outer male clothes always.  I admire those who have the courage and support to live in the gender they truly are.  Sometimes I feel like I am living a lie.  I just had so little understanding of these feelings until just over the last 15-20 years or so.  Thanks for reading/listening, Nancy

[MaryEllen]

Hello Nancy, 

Welcome to TransPulse.  Thank you for sharing your story with us. You're among friends here so don't be afraid to ask questions. We'll try to provide answers.

MaryEllen

 

[Cindy Truheart]

Hi Nancy, and welcome!

Being who we are is never easy so be kind to yourself. I was so confused and ashamed of who and what I am that I repressed memories of my childhood and denied my feelings to the point that even now I'm not sure if what I feel is true or not. I did this for over twenty years until one day something clicked and I suddenly knew what I am. Sometimes life can be very strange and very difficult. But that is why we are here. We are here for each other, we are here to listen, to understand, to commiserate, and most of all, to support you no matter what. I look forward to getting to know you better!

Love and Light!

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Nancy and welcome! 

Hugs,

Marcie

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Nancy,

You're not alone! Welcome to TransPulse!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[tracy_j]

Hi Nancy

Nice to meet you

There are many here who are, or have been in a similar position as yourself so please read around and join in as you wish. There is a lot of accumulated experience and information.

Tracy

[NancyBalik]

Thanks for the warm welcome and support!  Wish I could be so open in my day-to-day life and have a group of accepting friends that I could talk openly with about my feelings--and even be "Nancy" with.  Some of the happiest days of my life have been when I have gotten "transformed" at a transformation studio (something that I have done just 5 times over 30 years--expensive and haven't often had the opportunity).  I am not good at creating the full image myself, and my wardrobe is very limited.  But I try to imagine what a woman would do, think, feel, and say as I go through through my day.  I try to be and feel as feminine as I can without calling undue attention to myself, especially in the presence of those who do not accept or understand. Thanks for welcoming me to your community!  Nancy

[Charlize]

Welcome to Trans/ Pulse Nancy,

I remember coming here and the happiness it gave me having my female name used. My wife and i also cried many tears; me of shame and fear and her of fear and disappointment.  This site helped me.  Hope you find the same.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Briana]

Welcome Nancy!  You're among friends so feel free to share, ask questions, and express yourself.  No judgements here.

[Guest ZombieDracula]

Welcome to TransPulse! I hope that things work out for you Nancy!

-ZD

[Jani]

Sorry I'm late to wishing you a welcome Nancy.  Welcome to TransPulse!   I'm also in my 60's, married over 40 years so I can understand how you feel.  Just take it one step at a time and go where the journey leads you.  Wishing you happiness.

Jani