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Kelly H

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Hi y'all 

My chosen name is Kelly.  I am new to this forum and so looking forward to engage and build relationships.  This is tough stuff and my own personal roller coaster these last few weeks have been interesting to say the least.  

On May 29th, after an appointment with my therapist, I decided I could no longer hide in the shadows and told my wife of my gender disphoria.  At first she was very supportive.  We have been married nearly 27 years.  The next day the venom came out and she was angry, hurt and confused.  The last 6 weeks have been as struggle for us both.

That all seemed to change this week when she realized my not moving forward wasn't an option.  Since Monday she has been extremely supportive, to the point of going shopping with me yesterday for clothes.  WOW!  Last night we were talking about make up and she even did my nails for me.  

Its going to be a long road but knowing my friend and my spouse is supporting me makes it all so much easier..

 

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  • Root Admin

Hello Kelly,

Welcome to TransPulse. Thank you for sharing with us. :)

MaryEllen

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Thank you Mary Ellen!

North Shore of Boston?  I was born in Haverhill.  Small world.

I am really looking forward to being here.

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  • Admin

Welcome to TransPulse, Kelly.  I am glad you're seeing a therapist (a G.T.?), and even more glad to hear that your wife has turned a corner regarding support for you.  You are exactly right about how important that support is.  Having transitioned at 55, after 20 years of marriage, me and my spouse are going strong and enjoying life, and doing all that we planned to do.  So a successful marriage post-transition is definitely doable.  I wish you success.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Thanks so much for sharing that story, Kelly. It's always nice to read about love ones and friends coming around. I have a couple that haven't yet, but for whom I still hold out a limitless hope.

And welcome!

Hugs,

Julie

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  • Admin

Hello and welcome, Kelly!  We're glad to have you here.  Feel free to ask questions and share your experiences - you'll find nothing but support here.

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Kelly,

Welcome to Transpulse! It is wonderful when loved ones support us, isn't it!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

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3 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Welcome to TransPulse, Kelly.  I am glad you're seeing a therapist (a G.T.?), and even more glad to hear that your wife has turned a corner regarding support for you.  You are exactly right about how important that support is.  Having transitioned at 55, after 20 years of marriage, me and my spouse are going strong and enjoying life, and doing all that we planned to do.  So a successful marriage post-transition is definitely doable.  I wish you success.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Thank you Carolyn Marie!  Your comments about you and your spouse bolster my hopes that we can go the distance!  We have had more conversations lately and seem to be communicating better.. She still does not approve but is being supportive. Even at the lowest point these past few weeks I was holding out hope.  I have pretty easy going nature and it is paying off.

Thanks so much

Kelly

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3 hours ago, SugarMagnolia said:

Thanks so much for sharing that story, Kelly. It's always nice to read about love ones and friends coming around. I have a couple that haven't yet, but for whom I still hold out a limitless hope.

And welcome!

Hugs,

Julie

Thank you SugarMagnolia!

I am trying to wrap my head around the concept that that I cannot live someone's life for them. I can only control me - how I act, how I respond and how I treat others in the face of adversity.  With my wife I have tried to be understanding of her feelings yet still not compromise what I had to do for myself.  It hasn't always been that way. 

Unconditional love is a two way street. If I expect it from others I think I should be willing to love unconditionally..but it wasn't until I was willing to walk away that we turned the corner. 

My therapist has been an immense support because she is helping me face things I always knew, but was too afraid to act on.  Your mileage may vary...

I will hold out limitless hope with you!

HUGS,

Kelly

 

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3 hours ago, Dev said:

Hello and welcome, Kelly!  We're glad to have you here.  Feel free to ask questions and share your experiences - you'll find nothing but support here.

Thank you Dev!

That's my hope.  As I discover the appropriate listings I have lots of questions!

Kelly

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22 minutes ago, Timber Wolf said:

Hi Kelly,

Welcome to Transpulse! It is wonderful when loved ones support us, isn't it!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

Thank you Timber Wolf!

Yes, it is.  My next hurdle is the rest of my family.  Not sure everyone will be as supportive but time will tell. None of them live close by and we don't communicate much outside of an occasional text or phone call.  My 2 adult daughters are next I think.  

HUGS,

Kelly

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Kelly.  My wife and i certainly underwent a similar period of stress.  As you mentioned i realized i couldn't control how she reacted but i could control (or try to) my counteractions.  We had been married 41 years when i went full time.  We recently celebrated 46 years.  We are probably closer than ever and i certainly am enjoying the fact that i'm finally able to be honest about who i have always been.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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28 minutes ago, Charlize said:

Welcome Kelly.  My wife and i certainly underwent a similar period of stress.  As you mentioned i realized i couldn't control how she reacted but i could control (or try to) my counteractions.  We had been married 41 years when i went full time.  We recently celebrated 46 years.  We are probably closer than ever and i certainly am enjoying the fact that i'm finally able to be honest about who i have always been.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Charlize!  Thank you so much!  That is definitely the outcome I pray for.

Hugs,

Kelly

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Hi Kelly, and welcome!

Yes, describing it as a roller coaster is fitting! I've had my ups and downs lately as well. Just remember to keep seeing that therapist and remember to take things slow even when you don't want to. I've said that a lot here, but even I forget sometimes in the rush to be me! I'm happy to hear that your wife supports you, hold on to that, it means a lot to have someone that close to you who is there when you need them!

Love and Light!

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Hi Kelly and welcome.  Stay positive and be supportive of your spouse.  Like you said, unconditional love is a 2-way street.  Just that sometimes we have to go a little further down that street than others may have to.  I think sometimes spouses can handle the shock of an affair better than, "hey honey, guess what??"   

On a side note, I love Nashville.  It was one of my most favorite places to visit.  Haven't been back there lately though.

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello Kelly and Welcome!  Small world, Haverhill is a few minutes from me and my son lives there.   Like a few others my wife was surprised at first but turned supportive.  The big sign was when she would buy me clothing.  Life will go on and hopefully your relationship will balance out.  You still have many mileposts to pass but it appears you're on a good path.   Please join in the conversation.  We're all here to support each other. 

Jani
 

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Hi Kelly, welcome! It is a tough journey, and I hope the best for you and your wife. It will not be easy, I myself ended up divorced. But there were more than just trans issues causing problems. It took me a while to realize that.

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On 7/14/2017 at 7:50 AM, Cindy Truheart said:

Hi Kelly, and welcome!

Yes, describing it as a roller coaster is fitting! I've had my ups and downs lately as well. Just remember to keep seeing that therapist and remember to take things slow even when you don't want to. I've said that a lot here, but even I forget sometimes in the rush to be me! I'm happy to hear that your wife supports you, hold on to that, it means a lot to have someone that close to you who is there when you need them!

Love and Light!

Thanks Cindy

 

I used to like roller coasters- especially when I lived in Sandusky - Roller Coaster Capital of the World..not so much any more.  Haha..

Came home from work yesterday and my wife had bought me a new dress, make up and brushes.. Is that crazy or what?  I can't begin to express how that makes me feel.  We've never been this in tune.

 

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On 7/14/2017 at 8:54 AM, Briana said:

Hi Kelly and welcome.  Stay positive and be supportive of your spouse.  Like you said, unconditional love is a 2-way street.  Just that sometimes we have to go a little further down that street than others may have to.  I think sometimes spouses can handle the shock of an affair better than, "hey honey, guess what??"   

On a side note, I love Nashville.  It was one of my most favorite places to visit.  Haven't been back there lately though.

Hi Briana

What my wife was most upset about was my not being honest with her.  That hurt more than anything.  The fear I felt and maybe some shame kept me from sharing with anyone for many years.  We are past that now.  I am past that now, thanks in large part to my therapist.

If you ever head this way let us know!  Nashville is a blast!

Hugs

Kelly

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On 7/14/2017 at 9:11 AM, Jani423 said:

Hello Kelly and Welcome!  Small world, Haverhill is a few minutes from me and my son lives there.   Like a few others my wife was surprised at first but turned supportive.  The big sign was when she would buy me clothing.  Life will go on and hopefully your relationship will balance out.  You still have many mileposts to pass but it appears you're on a good path.   Please join in the conversation.  We're all here to support each other. 

Jani
 

Jani

Small world indeed!  Thank you for your words of encouragement!  It means a lot.

Kelly

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14 hours ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

Hi Kelly, welcome! It is a tough journey, and I hope the best for you and your wife. It will not be easy, I myself ended up divorced. But there were more than just trans issues causing problems. It took me a while to realize that.

MarcieMarie

Sorry to hear things didn't work out for your marriage.  Ours would have likely gone the same route if my wife wasn't so strong.  It's still early too so I'm going to stay positive and be as patient as I can.  We've been married almost 27 years and have had our share of ups and downs.  Marriage is a tough business.

Hope you are in a good place now.

Kelly

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1 hour ago, Kelly H said:

Came home from work yesterday and my wife had bought me a new dress, make up and brushes.. Is that crazy or what?  I can't begin to express how that makes me feel.  We've never been this in tune.

My wife was the same way. The day after I came out to her she went to the store and bought me a bunch of pink pajamas so that I could come home, get changed, and be comfortable. Her support has been incalculable for my sanity. I can't imagine what it must be like for someone whose spouse can't accept it. We are the lucky ones! Cherish her, and let her know how much her support means to you.

Love and Light!

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