Do I Have A Gender Disorder? How Can I Be Sure?

[Guest LillyJ]

I'd liek o introduce myself. I'm 15 years old, male, and decently sure that i have a gender disorder. For as long as i can remember, I've always identified myself as female, rather than male, and i've long scorned the fact that i was born a boy as i was. Recently, in the past few months, i've come to terms with this, the fact that i would be infinitely happier as a girl. As you can see from my username, i've gone as far as to pick out a new name, Lilly, and honestly i think i'm ready for a transition.

...But, nothing is ever that easy now is it? Recently i've come out with this to my mother, and she has no problem with it, However she does not seem to accept it as truth. she's trying to find every possible way that it's something other than a gender disorder, and honestly it offends me a bit.

One key argument she makes is that i've never acted very girly. This is true, but for good reason. I was never the popular one in school. Always the one to be picked on. And the number one thing that got me made fun of? Acting girly. Even at home, the on e attempt i made to look more like a girl was growing out my hair. My prartents made me cut it because, it looked girly. And so i've sort of, i guess, denied my girlier side and haven't expressed it, which is why she would be lead to think I'm not girly.

She also makes the argument of, "if you were really a girl, your room would be cleaner". And im not so sure thats valid, but i thought i'd bring it up.

So, i've got an appointment with a Social worker soon, hoping to get things sorted out for myself and hopefully convince her it's true, so i can start on the transition.

But the reason i'm posting(rambling rather), is to ask you all: Do you think i have a legitimate gender disorder? How can i be sure? Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Lilly....

I hate to sound like a broken record, but the only real way to get to the bottom of what you're feeling is with a gender trained therapist...this is serious business ...you have to be sure.....

And, Sweetheart...I had to laugh at this....

One key argument she makes is that i've never acted very girly.

That's what my wife of 30 years said to me when I came out to her....LOL...

And, Honey...let me tell you, I have a LOT of male things that I have been and done ...but that doesn't change the fact that I am truly a woman...

If you talk to the social worker, tell them that you would like to talk to a therapist...that's the right path for you to take...

We can't tell you from here......OK?

Good luck, Hon.....

Bigg Hugg

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Hi Lilly,

First welcome to the forums, I see that this is your first pos, usually we greet our new members in the Itroductions forum but you have a serious question here, so we'll just take care of everything right here.

Come on in and sit down, I've cot some wonderful hot coco, Donna Jean makes it and is wonderful adn I have a plate of my double chocolate chip cookies.

NOw as to not seeming 'girly' enough for your mother, I had the same proble and for the same reason.

About your room, the usual difference between a messy guy's room and a messy girl

s room is that the guy will usually have half eaten food in it. (And upon finding it are more likely to actually eat it!)

She is expecting a trans girl to be the absolute perfect stereoyype of femininity and I will be willing to bet that none of her friends or yours really are 100% like the stereotype.

Not trying to be rude or sarcastic, but I grew up with June Cleaver as a sterotypical female and I am just about positivee that your mom doesn't cook dinner wearing her heels and a string of pearls - those days are gone, askher to go with you and really watch the girls in the mall's food court - how many really girly girls are there?

No one can convince you that you are or are not transgendered, they can only help you to ask the right questions.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest kirsty]

One key argument she makes is that i've never acted very girly.

Yep I got this one too from my mother. My reply was, If I had wanted to behave and act like a girl, would you have accepted it? NO! of course she wouldn't so I, like many hide the way I was feeling and how I wanted to behave for the sake of not upsetting others.

[Guest LillyJ]

Thanks, both of you, for the support. I suppose i just had a hard time understanding her thinking, but i's all clearing up very well now. Especially about the messy room! Mine is only messy because my clothes never seem to find their way to my hamper. They sit lazily on the floor until scolded. As for half eaten food, i never leave any food in my room at all, i find it.. well, gross. And i do appreciate your explanation of how she is expecting a trans girl to be.

As for therapists, that is exactly what i intend to do. Come out with it right away to the social workr, and request a gender specialist therapist. From there all i can do is hope i'm right.

Anyways thanks so much, it's great to have all of this put in a way that i can understand it. I know you all know this better than any other community would, but this is probably one of the scariest things i've ever done ^^;

[Guest Evan_J]

People will always make excuses over what is a scary propositon for them. If you had acted so girly every single day as to be nauseating she would say "you didn't talk very much, girls talk a lot" ANYthing to "get it to not be true" lol.

The neatness thing? My cousin is a 100%cis gendered natal girl and is not only "messy" but got in trouble for hiding chicken bones under her bed LOL So much for "neatness" being the stamp of "girlhood".

[Guest LillyJ]

People will always make excuses over what is a scary propositon for them. If you had acted so girly every single day as to be nauseating she would say "you didn't talk very much, girls talk a lot" ANYthing to "get it to not be true" lol.

The neatness thing? My cousin is a 100%cis gendered natal girl and is not only "messy" but got in trouble for hiding chicken bones under her bed LOL So much for "neatness" being the stamp of "girlhood".

Yeah this is what i feel like she's doing, to be honest. I feel like, this is what i want, but she doesnt seem to trust that. I think i would know better than anyone what i want.. But she seems either afraid or just in disbeleif. SO i guess i shouldnt let her get me thinking anything i'm not really feeling, right?

[Guest Nire]

wow that sounds like a really annoying paradox, you don't get to act like a girl because you don't act like a girl, it doesn't make sense. I think it's a rule because they try to hide their denial or something and it's annoying because it's like they choose to ignore, choosing ignorance. Don't doubt yourself though your you don't freak out because you mom is hiding.

and rooms! http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...amp;#entry62851

Rooms to me can be a piece of you; it's something definite, and your mom comes along and tries to tie you to what she wants you to be, and these aren't connected. So what I'm saying is that messy isn't male it's your mom that says it's male but you probably knew that. Get it? Your like your room your mom is saying your male but your the definite one not the weak threads your mom tries to tie you with. just some thoughts I'm probably wrong, sorry.

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Like other people have said, the only way to be sure is to think about it a lot both on your own and with a therapist. Take your time -- it's an important thing you're talking about here!

About the room thing, I'll echo Evan. My sister is 100% cisgirl, and her room was disgusting when she was in her teen years. As in, can't see the floor for the clothes, disgusting. I love her, but neat, she is not. To her credit, she's gotten a lot better in recent years.

When people are in denial, they seize at straws like "your room wasn't very neat" or "you aren't very girly" to 'disprove' what you're saying. It's a way of distancing themselves from things they don't want to think about by rationalizing them, but a lot of times the rationalizations get pretty absurd.

Sounds like you're on the right track. Good luck with everything.

-Pól

[Guest Seth_J]

I just wanted to tell everyone that I appreciate these answers, because one of the reasons I haven't come out to my mother is that I'm pretty sure she won't believe me, or accuse me of doing it for attention because not all my mannerisms are ideally masculine. But how can they be, when I was always corrected for not being 'lady-like?'

Thanks, everyone.

[Guest CharlieRose]

Lilly and Seth... I've been down your road more than once or twice... You are what you are, regardless of behavior, past or present, genitalia, sexual preferences, interests, mannerisms... Don't let anyone tell you different. Only you know what it's like to be you.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Is it gender identity disorder? I would be hard pressed to say yes because I am not a doctor. But I would say there is some things that need to be investigated by you. Most of us always knew who we really were and often we build up a facade to hide the truth. To guard and protect that innerself. For me I was scared to death to let the female in me peak out for fear of being made fun of or ridiculed or worse, beaten up.

Little good that did. I was never able to masculinize my voice. My voice always betrayed who I really was and drew attacks.

You mother will have to step through a grieving process if you are indeed a female. She will lose a son and treat it like a death. My mother taught me this very important concept. While she understood what was going on with me...she too found excuses like your mother. Ultimately she had to grieve the loss and accept a daughter. My Dad is still in the grieving process and it has been over 2 years.

My sister told me about the day he called her to tell her I was trans. He cried like a baby on the phone.

You have to live for you hon. Not for your parents....not for you friends...not for your family. Do what you need to do to find the true you.

[Guest Dana M]

Well what do you do when you're hiding yourself from the world? You act the opposite of your true self. Of course you didn't act girly. Neither did I. My room is a mess too. Way I figure it is how can I care about how some stupid room looks when I'm not even comfortable in my own skin?

[Guest Nadia]

HA my mum said the same thing about my room!! I replied thae she should see my girlfriends room.

[Guest Deena]

Seine said it best - if youacted like a girl would anyone let you? Just try doing it around the house. Eventually peoplewill start to think about what you're saying might be true.