Seeing the world from as a male

[Charlize]

One thing that transition has shown me is the amount of sexism there is in this society.  Perhaps as a MTF i don't fully know the full impact of this but i certainly feel it in daily life.

Good and articulate article:

 

http://time.com/transgender-men-sexism/?xid=fbshare

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

As a trans gal I've also noticed more than ever before what a "man's world" it is. Living in a bad neighborhood as it is, it really makes me feel uncomfortable and even scared to be walking down the street, especially after dark. I find myself looking over my shoulder a lot. And I'm not even walking through my neighborhood as myself. I also find I feel more sensitive to the ugly things I here men say, not knowing they're really in the presence of a woman (which opens a whole other can of worms for anorher time and another post).

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

I mentioned to my cousin the other day that I really feel the loss of male privilege or status.  While I am not physically large I never worried about where I was or what I did, where now I do.  I can now fully understand the pressures that women have in our society.

Jani 

[JJ]

After 6 years of being seen as male I sometimes almost forgetting what is was like to live on guard. I pretty much went where I wanted and did what I wanted but did have a couple of close calls.

The difference is very pronounced . More than I was aware before transition. Male privilege is also more pervasive than I ever realized. I had always said I would not acknowledge it or let people impose it on me when I lived as a woman but I see now many ways that I did. And that attitude is why I was often called a bitch for the same behavior that gets me labeled a nice sweet guy now.

Another thing I have noticed that surprised me is how much  that male privilege is enforced by women - at least here in the South. I don't think men should have any less respect and authority, but I do think women should have as much. The same freedom and automatic respect a man has without being labeled in negative ways if she exhibits strength and competence and decisiveness.

I saw a case directing a rehearsal the other night. When we need fill ins because someone in the large cast is missing no one murmurs at all if the women read for the men but I asked a 10th grader raised in theater to say a single line as a maid and he flat refused because it was a maid and "men aren't maids" . I replied that was sexism and he looked at me like I had lost my mind. His mother suggested he think of himself as a butler and he did say the one line. So being a maid is beneath a man in his book. And that is sexist. To me male privilege is also sexist. They both stem from the same root.

It's going to take a long, long time to change. Because frankly it feels good to be gievn respect and power. And so many women automatically do it.

 

 

[Jani]

1 hour ago, JJ said:

that male privilege is enforced by women

You are correct on this point.  

[JJ]

Of course I'm right. I'm a guy

 

LOL

 

But PLEASE nobody tell my daughter I said that - even in jest.

[Jani]

Yes sir, you certainly are!  Ha!

 

Jani

[Charlize]

  That made me laugh Johnny.  When i think about the fact that we are sometimes told we can see more of the world as trans* folks this issue comes very much to mind.  Nobody messed with me as a man.  Was a tough person and they would get hurt.  They still would but now unfortunately i'd have to prove that and that alone causes adrenaline to flow.  Unfortunate, but society has built this into our world.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[JJ]

To be honest I'll  break the guy code and say my true height is actually just under 5'5" from age taking a good half inch so far. And yet nobody ever messes with me. I've been told I get intimidating and scary when I get angry though I actually get quieter rather than louder when I really get angry. And yet most of the time people are friendlier and relate more to me now than any time in my life. I like myself so I like them and they respond to that. But now and then you get the person-usually but not always a male-who takes your measure to see how far they can push  you or if you are a victim and though it isn't anything I ever do consciously something makes them back off and back down every time so far.

I think it's from having to learn to walk and talk like a dangerous person when I had to go into the ghettos and barrios alone as a children's protective worker though the police only went there in 4s.

 

I love being male, not just because it fits but for the freedom. I walk through the world with a sense of security I never had before. And a freedom from self judgment and awareness of the impression I'm making. If a guy has a belly, oh well, he's still cool in his own eyes in a way women aren't allowed to be. I love it. I just wish women shared it too. But I'm not sure if that will ever completely change because I suspect a degree of it is too deeply embedded in our culture and perhaps evolution.

 

Still women also have a freedom of emotion, of self expression, that men don't. I love velvet and I love fur for instance, and there is no way in our culture that I can express that without also making a statement about myself that is untrue. And being judged as well as at risk for it here. I can be a slob, I can wear camo year round if I want (God Forbid!)  and even wear dirty clothes -it's a sign I'm a hard worker except at a special function. But I can't even consider anything with fur or velvet. Ever.

There is also a women's club sort of thing that allows women to interact more freely than men. Men have a boys club and they are definitely communicating as much as women, but it's all in code and non-verbal. The trade off perhaps for the ease with which FTMs come to pass physically compared to MTFs is the challenge of observing and learning a code which they have been excluded from learning before but is primarily non-verbal and even unconsciously used by most men. You have to learn it if you want to interact as a male among other males on any level. Then there are all the differences that define what kind of man you want to be. And the parameters that define that role. Some are flexible but others are not. You have to learn which is which . Women verbally address these things. Men usually don't.

There are rewards and gifts from being trans but it just isn't easy for either side of the gender divide. And that isn't  even addressing the challenges of non-binary.

I enjoyed seeing non-binary people in Fayetteville yesterday. It is probably the most liberal town in the state and it was refreshing just to take in the atmosphere. Non-binary people probably would be forced to move elsewhere from here. Wrong, but reality. And the whole male privilege thing gets so complicated for them. And perhaps contributes to why very traditional people just can't deal with them.

[Jani]

Johnny you are correct in your assessments. There are many attributes that males are not questioned about at all.  

 

Just now, JJ said:

Still women also have a freedom of emotion, of self expression that men don't.

This is something I understood prior to my transition but I see now that it seems to be a fundamental difference since men that are expressive and/or exhibit too much emotion are not thought of as being in the brotherhood.  

Jani 

[DenimAndLace]

While we all know very well that sexism exists and we, of all people, are uniquely aware of it, but there are still not that many concrete personal experiences that are written about here or elsewhere on the intent.  I've felt the public safety bit and I've surprised a few contractors that I do the job I do (building maintenence) but I think they eventually figure out I'm trans and then "respect" my knowledge as if I was a guy.  My best example of sexism though is, upon "completing" my transition, my boss suggested I might like to pursue a different line of work.  The implication being, women aren't maintenance managers or at, least that they aren't physically able to do the work. He's a decent person but the implicit bias was glaring!

 

I know it's a bit hard to say with certainty that what we experience is specifically sexism and not clouded with other factors but I'd like to hear about YOUR examples of experienced sexism.