Hi everyone. I'm new here and as a girl and still struggling with some stuff.

[Evie]

Hi. I realized I was a girl this past June 2017, but it has been complicated. I truly want to be a girl, but I don't know if I actually am a girl because of my personality and lack of major dysphoria. I love superheroes, Disney (especially Descendants), and I'm still a child at heart. I am 14 and have just started high school. I have told no one near me about my gender problems and I am too scared to do so. I crossdress when alone and put on perfume at night. I want to do a lot of stuff that is socially girls-only, but I don't hate being a guy and there are some times when I feel that I would be better off as a boy, despite my desire to become a girl. I am not super fashion-forward and don't know a ton about makeup. I have been raised as a boy for 14 years so some guy stuff just seems right to me, but I do wish I was a girl. I love girls and if I did transition, I would be lesbian. I just don't know what I am and who I'm meant to be. I'd love if this community can help me out. Thanks and please respond 

[Dev]

Hi, Evie, and welcome to TransPulse!  I'm glad you found us and decided to reach out.

You know, you sound a lot like me, except for the fact that I didn't realize I'm a woman until I was almost 30.   Dysphoria doesn't rattle my cage very often, and I'm frequently just as comfortable with masculine things as I am with feminine.  I know next to nothing about makeup - a little mascara, a little lipstick, and I'm done for the day (purple, if you must know - always purple).

It's entirely possible to be transgender and still claim aspects of your birth gender as your own.  I almost never make any effort to look extra feminine and I'm still entirely comfortable in my own skin.  What's important is that, as you experience things, you consider them from both sides.  You know what the world looks like to a societally-conditioned male, so think about how you would respond to those same situations as a female.  Based on what you've said here, I'm guessing your preference will come down to a bit of both there as well, and that's okay.

The only person who can decide whether you're transgender is you, but we'll all be happy to answer any questions you have that might help you make that decision for yourself.

Again, welcome!

Edited August 26, 2017 by Dev
Missed a word. It's late.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Evie,

Welcome to TransPulse. Feel free to ask questions. We'll do our best to provide answers.

MaryEllen

[Clara84]

Hello

Nobody can answer your question precisely

Only you should know.

Remember that gender is not binary male/female. It's a spectrum with a lot of possibilities.

As I read your post, I would say you're probably a non-binary person, androgynous or even genderfluid.

The only true answer I can give is that's you're not 100% cis, because you're questioning.

[Charlize]

 Welcome Evie,

  It's lovely to see someone facing gender issues at 14.  Your description of yourself fits me at your age.  I transitioned at 63 years of age and even now i'm certainly a mixture of male and female.  Please know you are not alone.  Knowing that would have helped me in itself.  Perhaps as the chance presents itself you can talk to a gender therapist.  Mine helped me find self acceptance.  Perhaps that acceptance is the most important thing i've ever worked towards.  Hopefully reading and posting here can help you on your way.  A path will appear.  Enjoy.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

Well, I still love military history, like girls (and boys), and stuff. What my interests and sexual orientation are do not define my gender identity--nor do gender stereotypes. It is something very intrinsic to me. Also, in my experience dysphoria is not always obvious. One symptom for me was the fog of the brain. That did not go away until I started HRT.

Welcome to Transpulse, feel free to ask questions!

 

Hugs,

Marcie  

 

 

[Evie]

5 hours ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

"Well, I still love military history, like girls (and boys), and stuff. What my interests and sexual orientation are do not define my gender identity--nor do gender stereotypes. It is something very intrinsic to me. Also, in my experience dysphoria is not always obvious. One symptom for me was the fog of the brain. That did not go away until I started HRT."

So what does define gender? I want to be a girl more for the fact that I can do girl stuff and still be accepted by society. The body is just an added bonus that allows me to do those things. As you said that interests don't define gender, what does define gender? I can't tell if my brain is just programmed that way.

 

 

 

[Evie]

So what does define gender? I want to be a girl more for the fact that I can do girl stuff and still be accepted by society. The body is just an added bonus that allows me to do those things. As you said that interests don't define gender, what does define gender? I can't tell if my brain is just programmed that way.

[MarcieMarie12]

My gender identity is an intrinsic sense of myself. Before I transitioned,  I had no sense of gender other than what I was told. I thought the deep dark secret of all boys was that they secretly wanted to be girls. Apparently not true .  

It took me a while to figure out why I wanted to be a woman so much. 42 years in fact. But once I stopped trying to be male, and allowed myself to be myself I realized I was female.  It became vastly more apparent the further my transition went and my dysphoria got worse in "boy mode".  I very quickly reached a point that I did not want to go back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dev]

To build on what Marcie said, I'll add that my sense of gender also came from what I was told.  When I was little, I always wanted to play with the girls' toys, but I was constantly told boys don't do that.  I should have been interested in G.I. Joe and tractors and all that.  So I went along with it and internalized it so much that I thought I was a gay man for the first ten years of my adult life. 

For me, what defines my gender is simply a deeply engrained knowledge that I'm a woman.  It's hard to explain it beyond that.  I might have the boy's body, but none of that means anything to me.  I should have clued in to this years ago when, without it being deliberate, I started carrying myself the way a woman would.  When I crossed my arms, I did so as if I had breasts to avoid squashing, that sort of thing.  I just feel female, and I want to experience the world that way and I want them to perceive me that way.  It has nothing to do with anatomy for me.

What it comes down to is your sense of self.  When you dig down deep, in the darkest recesses of your mind, what do you feel you are?

[thtufus]

Hi Evie,

Welcome to TransPulse. 

Gender to me, is only a way identify myself to other people.  I tried to be a male for more than 50 years.  I knew that I was not a male, but my family and the medical people said I was one.  But I couldn't make a baby because my body didn't produce testosterone.  When I got told to take the hormone I knew instantly that was wrong.  Soon I knew I wasn't male or female.  Intersex was the word for it, but at the time, to fit in I needed to be one or the other.  I am female.

Some of my family rejected that idea, but my friends convinced me I needed to accept it.  It still took years to do that but now I can. 

thtufus

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Evie,

Coming to understand our gender can take time and plenty of patience. I had feelings that I didn't precisely line up with the "male" model I was taught I was before I even started kindergarten. The toys I liked were mixed. I played with my sisters dolls, but also with my tonka truck backhoe. I started crossderssing by Junior High. I tried burrying it and hiding from it for years for fear. I came from an era when being transgender didn't get nearly the acceptance it does today. Finally at age 50 I couldn't bury it anymore and began the process of acceptance that I am a transgender woman.

I no longer view dressing as a woman to be crossderssing, because I'm just dressing as myself, no matter what body I was born into. It's who I am.

It takes time, and one of the best pieces of advice I was given early on is that we don't have to rush to put a label on ourselves. Take your time and get to know yourself. There is no set timetable for this. Take as much time as you need.

 

I'm glad you're here, and welcome to TransPulse!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Hi Evie and welcome.  As Charlize says, to be young again!  This is a great time of life for you.  Be patient and things will work out fine.  

On 8/26/2017 at 2:21 AM, Dev said:

It's entirely possible to be transgender and still claim aspects of your birth gender as your own.

This is me.  I was concerned about all the things I loved falling by the side but that's not the case.  I am mechanically inclined and artistic.  I did not give up those core elements.  I may do things differently but I still enjoy myself.  It's who I really am.  

As for makeup, I'm in the less is more camp.  Just enough to enhance my image not define it.  You'll see that you can settle in anywhere on the gender spectrum that you are comfortable.  This is your journey, not anyone else's.  

We're glad you're here.  Please join in the conversation and ask whatever questions you have.

Cheers, 

Jani

[Ulfra_Wolfe]

On 8/25/2017 at 7:57 PM, Evie said:

Hi. I realized I was a girl this past June 2017, but it has been complicated. I truly want to be a girl, but I don't know if I actually am a girl because of my personality and lack of major dysphoria. I love superheroes, Disney (especially Descendants), and I'm still a child at heart. I am 14 and have just started high school. I have told no one near me about my gender problems and I am too scared to do so. I crossdress when alone and put on perfume at night. I want to do a lot of stuff that is socially girls-only, but I don't hate being a guy and there are some times when I feel that I would be better off as a boy, despite my desire to become a girl. I am not super fashion-forward and don't know a ton about makeup. I have been raised as a boy for 14 years so some guy stuff just seems right to me, but I do wish I was a girl. I love girls and if I did transition, I would be lesbian. I just don't know what I am and who I'm meant to be. I'd love if this community can help me out. Thanks and please respond 

Hi, Evie!

My (MtF transgender) girlfriend is a lot similar, actually!  She says she would have just been happy staying a boy and not growing up, and it was puberty where things started to feel off.  She also still loves animated films, but is about twice your age -- it's what you are inside, not outside, that really counts I think.

I'm also a lesbian myself, or at least majorly lean that way, and that has no real bearing on whether you're transgender or not.

My girlfriend and I both don't have major dysphoria; that's not a major requirement for being transgender, I think.  Honestly, if you're crossdressing, putting on perfume, and wish you were a girl, I'm preeetty sure it's safe to say you're transgender -- but it's also possible you're genderfluid, non-binary, etc. -- it doesn't have to be a strict extreme dichotomy!

I came out as transgender around two years ago, and I still don't fully understand what gender truly "is" -- it includes a lot of sociological markers that don't necessarily match individual identity.  The important part is that you are you, and what makes sense for you is what makes sense for you.  You could be a girl that likes some "guy things"; tomboys exist, after all.

I hope this helps!