In the Beginning

[Agnes]

One hopes this finds you all well.

This is my first post just for my introductions.

My name is Agnes   and I am what really be described as a stealth girl.

I use the term stealth very loosely as to all my now friends and associates i have always been Agnes.  I really don't know how. But since i moved to where i am now no one has ever questioned what how and why i have ever been any different.

Somewhat of a shock to me as if i look in the mirror i still see parts of the old me but who am i to argue with my real life experience. Is it confidence in myself? Could it be just people don't take in as much as you might think. Maybe I'm just delusional.  But as they say proof of the pudding is in the eating.

I've been on Hormones for about 8 months. Still what i consider a low dose even if my bloods say otherwise. I started late but by no means did that effect how long my dysphoria was present. I just always managed to fight it up until about 3 years ago.

After a failed and somewhat abusive marriage i found the opportunity which not many people have, To start again, Be me. Stop living this daily lie.

So here i am. I still suffer a little with anxiety which i feel has been caused by as stated a abusive relationship previously. Perhaps a touch of PTSD which i try to not let it affect me.

I enjoy my life now. Also Stealth for me was the way i always wanted to go. I'm personally not interested in flying the rainbow flag or being the one that fights for social justice. I'm old school and do believe there is only 2 genders. I don't poor derision on others who do like to shout out from the rooftops. That just isn't and has never been one of my life goals. Just fitting in is what i want and so far so good.

 

So onward and upward. I hope to be useful in someway. If i can maybe help one person then that's a big bonus.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Agnes,

 

Welcome to TransPulse.   Thank you for sharing with us.

 

MaryEllen

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Agnes,

Welcome to TransPulse! Glad you took off your stealth mask for us LOL! (Got that one from my phones stealth mode)

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Agnes]

Thank you for the Hellos.

Fortunately one of the great things about the Internet is i do not have to take the mask off to be involved.

Just another collection of words on a page mixed together to form a sentence.  Hopefully it makes sense.

Either that or im just a chimp with a typewriter who got lucky

 

Hugs

[Jani]

Hello Agnes and welcome.   So you moved and started over, Bravo!  I'm sure your confidence is much higher than you thought, but your observation about people is correct.  The vast majority is oblivious to others, focusing on their own life and daily issues.  If you fit in well enough (sounds like you do) life is fine.  I'm in that camp now.  

That you enjoy life is awesome.  That has been my longtime goal.  Life it too short to not be happy.  I eat chocolate every day!

 

Please join in the conversation here.  We'd love to hear more from you.

 

Jani

[Charlize]

Welcome Agnes.  I'm glad you have found a path to live life as yourself.  I am stealth as i move about the world as well but i haven't moved from a relatively small town where i grew up so many here knew him as well.  Fortunately for years now it hasn't been an issue.  My wife and i found a way to be happy together as well.  All of our roads are different and sharing that journey  with others certainly helps everyone involved.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

Welcome Agnes! I often wonder what it would be like to move somewhere else where they only know Marcie. Problem is, I love my workplace too much to leave right now.

 

--Marcie

[Agnes]

Thank you.

I had the opportunity to move 400 miles away and start again. It was worth it. I would like to say i don't miss my old town. I had lived there all my life. But being honest im glad i did. For me it was the only way forward. It gave me the opportunity to restart.

My one regret really is i didn't do it sooner.  I'm not as young as i would have liked to have been to start being me. The wrong side of 49 does make it tougher. But you just make the best of what you have. I say tougher but in reality a woman of my age doesn't have to try to hard to pass because if you take a look around you and do as they do. Wear what they wear and act like they act. It was something women of my age would have just picked up in there maturing. For me its no longer an act so to speak its just the way it is and after a while it becomes subconscious and you don't even think about it. I think I am fortunate that i was lucky enough to have passing rights so to speak from the beginning. I don't think i have ever been questioned on if i wasn't the woman once that i am now.  This was even before i started on the hormones. I will be honest the only thing i dislike about being stealth is the little lies i have to tell to invent a past that really never was. It was a new thing to me. I think about it sometimes and it pains me but it is just part of the veil to keep my persona intact.

[Jani]

Agnes, it seems regret is the one thing many of us experience.  I believe you're correct that as we age being accepted for who we are is easier.  I quickly learned, before even going out in public that I needed to dress appropriately for the situation.  I fell into my current role easily and I am comfortable with my place in the world.  Thank you for sharing.

 

Jani

[Agnes]

1 minute ago, Jani423 said:

Agnes, it seems regret is the one thing many of us experience.  I believe you're correct that as we age being accepted for who we are is easier.  I quickly learned, before even going out in public that I needed to dress appropriately for the situation.  I fell into my current role easily and I am comfortable with my place in the world.  Thank you for sharing.

 

Jani

 

Completely agree. After 40 years old short mini,s are not a good look. 

Especially with my knees.