Help! Was looking up Transgender and then...

[MrMsSomeone]

Hi everyone! I'm very new to this, but the last few days was quite hellish for me.

 

So, as an introduction, I'm a 17 year old male, currently writing exams in high school. During a tiny study break I stumbled upon trans, and I thought it was interesting and delved on. The more I saw on YouTube and other sites, the more I started to question myself as a male.

 

"Am I really trans?" "What signs is there to prove I'm a trans?" "How would I feel being...a girl?"

Lots of thoughts just swam in my head. Jabbing me while I want to focus studying. It got so bad that I can't really concentrate during exams. 

I felt a bit different from other guys in terms that I question myself and sometimes I do want to be a girl, sometimes jokingly telling my parents, "maybe I'm supposed to come out as a girl:)"...

BUT

I have a identical twin brother who don't really share the same viewpoint and I'm not sure if I would be happier if I go transitioning...

Also, coming out to my parents is also an issue as I'm born and raised as a Chinese and really not sure how they will cope with it.

 

More info:

I remember playing with barbie when I was young, although I also had a lot of boy toys too.

I have cross dressed once in Halloween years ago and I'm not sure how I felt back then.

Strange but after my first breakup months ago I would love shopping for no reason.

Not sure if I have gender dysphoria but maybe it's mild but have CERTAINLY grown a lot stronger over the last few days.

I remember not feeling happy as my voice deepened and when my pubes started growing out.

 

My inner voice is really confusing me and lots of these thoughts are really breaking me down and I would really want to identify myself and move on (to knowing I'm a cis or a trans.)

Thank you really much for reading this! 

[Dev]

Hello and welcome to TransPulse!  I'm glad you found us.

 

It's hard for anyone else to say whether you're trans.  That depends on thoughts and feelings you've been living with that are known only to you.  It sounds like you might benefit from exploring your gender more, perhaps after you go away to college when you might be able to present as female more privately, without your family knowing.  It's generally a bad idea to come out before you're absolutely sure you're trans.

 

For now, you can think more about the things that have already occurred to you.  Do you want the world to see you as female?  Do you think you'd interact better with the world from a female point of view? 

[MrMsSomeone]

@Dev

Hi! Thanks for replying!

College is quite far away for my life right now as I'm a junior in High school...kinda sucks.

I've always aspired to my like my mother, and although I'm not that sure about what female and male perspectives are, I'm interested to explore further and learn more!

[Jani]

Hello Someone! I'm glad you found us also.  So as Dev mentions it is hard for us to determine if you are trans as it is a personal decision each of us must determine on our own.  Understand that the transgender spectrum is quite wide and if you do find yourself outside the hetero-normative edges there is lots of room in the middle for you to explore.  I wouldn't be concerned that your brother does not share your view on gender.  We are all different, even those who are closest to us.  You are still young and have much time to explore and come to an understanding of your identity.   As to your parents, only you can know how they will respond to any suggestion you might bring up.  Generally though we tend to over stress on these points.  Hope for the best, and be prepared for the worse.  

 

Please read older posts as there is a lot of good commentary here and join in the conversation when you can.  

 

Cheers, Jani 

[MaryEllen]

Hello MrMsSomeone.

 

Welcome to TransgenderPulse.   I agree with Dev that you should not come out until you are sure that you are indeed transgender. If there's anyway possible, I would recommend counseling with a gender therapist. He or she could give you a lot of insight on where you stand in the gender spectrum. Feel free to post any questions you may have. We'll try our best to provide answers.

 

MaryEllen