Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Really dysphoric help


Hayley

Recommended Posts

  • Root Admin

Hello Haley,

 

First of all, welcome to TransPulse. :)  There's really no way you can stop the dysphoria. What you can do is come to grips with what is causing this. I would strongly urge you to seek counseling with a gender therapist. He or she can help you to understand why you feel this way and give you help with dealing with your dysphoria.

If you have specific questions, please feel free to post them. We will answer to the best of our ability.

 

MaryEllen

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome to Trans/Pulse Haley.  You have made great strides already simply coming out at all.  In doing that i remember the relief in being honest but also the huge push to get on with it.  You have had great advice from both of the Marys above.  Take a deep breath and relax a bit.  I have found my journey more of a walking trail to self acceptance as myself and less of a sprint.  This site has helped a great deal.

 You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Thanks everyone it's nice to have a really supportive forum of people, I'm  currently on a waiting list to see a gender therapist but the waiting list is a year and a half 

Is there anything I can do in the meantime 

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

I assume you're on the NHS for insurance. Unfortunately, there can be long waiting lines for anyone one the NHS. Is there any way you can afford going through the private sector?  That would be another option.

There is a lot you can do in the meantime. Such as letting your hair grow longer, removing body hair, voice training, learning feminine mannerisms, facial electrolysis, etc. These are things that you can do one step at a time. It is said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. If you truly feel that you are a woman, I would say it's time to take that first step.

 

MaryEllen

Link to comment

I wish I could afford it, it's too much for me to pay for right now or a year and a half away so I'll just have to wait, I think I'm going clothes shopping next Wednesday tho so that'll be good for me I guess 

Link to comment

Hi Hayley,

I found that for me, shopping has helped. Makeup, clothes, and all the assesseris. I wasn't into shopping before and now I love it. Only if I had more money. 

 

I hope all goes well for you and you can find the things that will help you. 

 

Hugs 

Shawnna 

Link to comment

Hi Hayley,

 

I'm sorry to hear it's difficult right now. I hope you can come up with a way to see a therapist sometime sooner.....Stay true to yourself! Hopefully things will calm things down and you will find a better stasis soon. Indulge yourself a little maybe to help smooth it out.....

 

Hugs,

Sunny

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
21 hours ago, Hayley said:

I feel really dysphoric and I don't know what to do, I just came out two days ago and I have no clue how to stop this 

 

Hi ya Hayley, GD is nasty and renders it's self in hideous ways. Find strength, build resiliency, filter the noise, don't let the noise take over, GD can be overwhelming if you let it. Express yourself genuinely, and be honest with yourself. All the little things you can do to feel more comfortable are mentioned above.  Don't let GD take over your life, ok ?

 

Hugs

 

C -

Link to comment

My way of dealing with it is to recognize what it is, and take steps to diffuse it. One of the things I did was to avoid mirrors.

Link to comment
  • Admin

It will depend on exactly where you are, but I would suggest looking for IRL support groups in your general area and also for accepting social groups (the two may be the same).  People in those groups can help you in terms of make-up, hair ideas, even service projects to the community, and they will accept the person of the inside which I am finding in my time to be the most important thing to be done.  Seeing the inside person can be done with only the smallest changes to the outer person believe it or not.  As the others have said, you know now what has been a terrible burden (the definition of the word Dysphoria) by name and you have a direction.  I know the time toward the most direct attack on the GD is many days in the future, and you will have to take them one by one to get there, but by that formula, I am now over 9 years in your future and know it can be done.  You are telling the world they were wrong about you for a long time, go ahead and tell them, and then begin being the loving and friendly person who has an attitude of fun and purpose.  Some people will have trouble with that and you can walk away from them without loss, even if it is just for a few days, because they are denying the real you who needs to live a full life.  Their loss to be sure.  Look in the mirror and tell who you see who you really are, daily or more often, but it will help.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 110 Guests (See full list)

    • Lydia_R
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Betty K
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.8k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,038
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Justine76
    Newest Member
    Justine76
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. April Marie
      April Marie
    2. daniela...
      daniela...
      (59 years old)
    3. Emily May
      Emily May
    4. Felixr
      Felixr
      (20 years old)
    5. Leann
      Leann
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      Tonight we had a couple of thin cut scotch fillet steaks fried in butter, with a tomato/onion/breadcrumb bake, accompanied with peas & broccolini, with instant mushroom & garlic gravy. 
    • KymmieL
      Happy Birthday, @April Marie
    • Lydia_R
      This is what I've been working on the last few days:   3:38am (the next day) I just pulled up a website to do the arc tangent function because the Windows scientific calculator doesn't do that function.  I entered in the .577 number and did an atan on it and it came back with .523 which is what I was expecting.  The .577 number is the result of the opposite over the adjacent and the .523 is the circumference measure to 30 degrees and is one of those numbers I memorized in February 2004.  That's an interesting story in my book.   So, the lessons I learned last night are that .577 is the result of a ratio.  The idea here is how to convert that decimal back to a ratio.  Andy helped with that last night.  He said "just divide by 10!"  I was like, oh my, that makes sense!  Andy is good for a laugh like that!  I had come home from a walk to the store and was hot on the idea of division and the musical connect to Ed Sheeran and Pink Floyd's The Division Bell.  I don't know either one of them very well, but I am hot on the idea of writing a function that does division.  And that brings up the subject of how a computer does multiplication.  I talked with Andy about that and I said that my dad just beat the multiplication tables into me.  I remember not getting it.  I would tell my dad "why do I have to memorize this stuff?"  And he would say "you just do."  And ironically, it was the same way with trigonometry on the streets.  With trig, the numbers only matter so that you can grasp the concept of it all.  They don't matter, but there is the magic of the sine of 30 degrees being .5 and how that points to 12 and the overtone series / cycle of 5ths.  That's pretty amazing stuff and then Andy was trying to draw a conclusion to 24 hours a day.  I insisted that that application of 24 was man-made and he was not convinced.  Then he brought up the year being about 360 days, or perhaps I brought that up.  That is not a man-made number (365) and it's really odd having that and the connection to 12.  It's just a coincidence, buy Andy was trying to draw some conclusion from it.  And then I brought up the thing with the moon appearing to be the same size as the sun.  And that got Andy brining up more conclusions.   Then I abandoned the conversation and my next thought on the subject was that this whole thing is about ratios and how I was using ratios to do my collision detection before I started studying trig.  I then took a look at the calulators on my screen.  What is this .577 number?  That is not the arc tangent of 30 degrees, is it?  I swear that I'm correct about the arc tangent of 30 degrees being .523.  I've been spouting that number off consistently since Feburary 2004.  So then I got out my Plane Trigonometry book and looked up 30 degrees.  Sure enough, .523 is correct.  But then from having looked at that row of numbers, I got the idea that if you had any one of those numbers and knew which function it was under, then you should be able to figure out the rest.  They are all the result of a ratio and the idea is to convert them back to ratios and cross multiply and divide.  And I mentioned that to Andy, or did he bring up cross multiplying and dividing when I was talking about ratios?  We basically got to that at the same time and I was impressed that Andy knew about it.   So, I think all the keys are here and it's almost time for me to start coding a division function and then a trigonometric function.  If it can be done, I should be able to have this coded in the next couple days, although I'm stretched pretty thin with this political stuff.  We'll see.  It's an interesting project.   One of the key things that got me going on this the other day was how the .3333 number came up.  I had recognized that as 30 degrees expressed in grads.  And that brought up the thought of base 10.  All these hard number calculations started off with 30 degrees which is equivalent to 33.33 grads.  90 degrees = 100 grads, 360 degrees = 400 grads.  I learned that over a decade ago by entering in some of these numbers into a calculator and playing with the grads button.  Anyway.  I love triangulation.  
    • Lydia_R
      Oh my, here it comes...     It looks like there is a half moon out my window...  4:51am    
    • KatieSC
      While it is encouraging that they have deemed that they cannot ban the treatment, the bigger question is what treatments they will cover as a result. Speaking as a transgender female, this is a difficult definition. A fair number of insurance plans already cover the basic vaginoplasty, however, for those of us who have a rather masculine appearing face, a heavy beard, a deep voice, and other defining characteristics, attaining a passing feminine appearance is difficult without gender-affirming facial feminization surgery, genital and facial electrolysis, speech therapy and if necessary, gender affirming voice surgery, as well as other body contouring procedures. I view all of these procedures as life-saving in the sense that blending in, and thus avoiding an assault can come down to looking and sounding like you are female. I think the transgender males have a bit more ease with blending in than we do. There will be disagreements as to what constitutes enough surgery to be your truest self. We all pretty much understand that our true gender is locked in our mind. The issue is what can we do to modify our bodies enough to get the congruence between what is in our head, and how we perceive ourselves in the world. Is some of it cosmetic? That is hard to say for sure. I have had insurance companies insist that facial electrolysis is purely cosmetic. Well, most women do not have an Abraham Lincoln beard coming through. Some insurance companies have insisted that speech/voice therapy, as well as voice surgery, are purely cosmetic. I scoured the cosmetic counters for any makeup that would enhance my voice. Being feminine and passing does not mean I get to look and sound like Fred Flintstone in a dress. That kind of weirds folks out, and sets us up to be ridiculed and assaulted in my estimation.   My one insurer told me that beyond the vaginoplasty that all of this was cosmetic. In an appeal hearing, I asked the group that if they had a 14 year old daughter who was in an accident that resulted in a large facial scar, would they want the child to receive the best care to remove the scar? Of course they would. I pointed out though, that while she may have the scar, she could live with it. I asked them if the removal of the disfiguring scar in a 14-year old would be difficult for the child when the other kids made fun of her. Of course, they all nodded their head. I explained to the group that for folks like us, it is no different. While it may be cosmetic to a point, these procedures are essential to our well-being, and not something we are doing to be on a YouTube channel.   Now some who are trans, or gender fluid, may not want to opt for the procedures. There are quite a few of us that do, but the cost is prohibitive. What also clouds the issue are the surgeons who operate out of large medical centers who participate in the large insurance pools. How many of our sisters and brothers have had to pony up some major dollars to a surgeon who is out of network? Good luck trying to get the surgery paid for by your insurer. They may pay you what they pay the surgeons in network, but you won't get that much in reimbursement. A fair number of insurance companies balk at speech and voice therapy, and many will not cover voice surgery. Then there is the issue of electrolysis. A day at the "spa" for electrolysis with anesthetics will run around 3,000 bucks or so, and you may need many repeat visits. Many of the insurers fail to pay for that as well. Just about none of the insurers will cover body contouring procedures such as a panniculectomy, or liposuction. When the insurance companies will just help us become our truest selves, then we will have progress with gender identity laws.   The one good thing that this decision does is preserve the primary care for transgender individuals. I have to wonder how Florida and the rest of the states who have banned having Medicaid cover transgender healthcare are going to act. This should be an interesting fight. When we have the ability to seek care and get what we need for our true needs, without any pre-judgements, then these court orders will mean something. A court order without parameters for the insurance companies is hollow.
    • Mirrabooka
      @April MarieI just noticed that it's your birthday today! Happy Birthday to you!!!!!! 🥳🎂🎁🎉❤️
    • Mirrabooka
      Morning y'all, fingers crossed for everyone who has stuff going on.   Welcome back to reality @April Marie, enjoy your improving weather!   Why is it that we humans always take too long to acclimatize to the changing seasons, especially when it gets colder like it is here? Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age, lol.    
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Speculation , worst or best case, neither.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      @RiyaHello and welcome. I also live in Ohio and it is a challenge but I applaud you for knowing pretty early on and becoming who you really are. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      Do you feel safe in the country you now live in?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...