Learning to navigate

[MSCHRIS58]

Hello I am Chris.This was my abbreviated name at birth.I Have been with a wonderfully careing,And totally trusting gender counselor for close to ten months now.I Have been on hormone therapy ,Monitored by a Careing and trusted Doctor Since October of 2015.The three of us combined,Working together.I the client,They the professionals.Have sent a letter to surgeon /s.That within this year,Help me toward achieving my life long goal of reassignment surgery.I am true to my self  excited!This is not my biological biography,Yet away for myself to open up with others who are shamed oppressing us to keep our inner knowledge ie,A secret.I was raised by a careing single mother.Who worked and provided the best to her ability.I have five other siblings.The black and white,My mother.Bless her,Did not ,Would not,Understand as a tortured child.All my feelings as a female trapped in a boys body.I repeatedly explained these experienced daily feelings to her.I kept a daily diary,That allowed me in expanding my writing skills.Vocabulary,And above all.Released some frustration.I had gotten a job as a child delivering a local weekly newspaper,And along with that in the summers picked berries,beans and cucumbers.With my earned money,I would purchase girls clothes,shoes,etc..

  These age appropriate girls clothes were a release,I could dress up,Dress down at bedtime.Yet with my brothers and sisters around,I couldn't.For they would tell our mother.Strict punishment.So I learned the keep it in the closet.Everything feminine I owned was tossed in the garbage.My diary read and thrown away.My eldest sister sharing contents of passage with her close friends.And the older classmates teased me repeatedly.Yet I go right back at purchasing Jr clothing,Writing And Reading any and all subject pertaining too transgender people and their individual behaviors within society.My mother believing fetishes,Crossdressing,Homosexuality.Was my motivation.All were flatly incorrectly diagnose.I am a female,And I want act out as normal as my sister's,Their girlfriend,My girlfriends/ classmates.I n closing,Back in the decades of the 1960s-70s.Not much was acceptable about transsexuals,Labels were a standard.And wrong.I was miserable as a child,And it became worse in my life as a teen,And into my twenties.Onset of male hormones,My beautiful soft voice turning into an alto sax.(Cry ,tears time)Suicidal times.I had never discuss with anyone," The Family shame".I once ,accompanied with my mother to the doctors office visit.Tried discussing I was a girl trapped inside this hairy boys body.Mom,quelling/ slapping my mouth as I talked to my doctor.His reply was listen to Your mother.I drew a conclusion from this doctor visit as a black and white.Never mentioning I am a female trapped inside a males body to any one,Professional or not.Which was totally wrong!And stealing estrogens,birth control pills,so as to stop androgens.Is also a wrong I did! Drinking alcohol after turning twenty one,So I could forget and also a means to magnifying estrogen.I smoked cigarettes,stimulating me as I write in my diary.Only drug I tried was one leafy kind.I somehow was in a pattern of self destruct.I stopped all those ,and been clean of all since 2009.In ending.I had wish that I seek help as a child!?

[Charlize]

Welcome Chris.  It sounds like your moving out from under of your past.  My journey was in many ways similar to yours.  I'm glad you've joined us here.  This site has helped me especially as i learned i wasn't alone.  Sharing with others eased some of the difficulties i had faced and that continue to face me as a trans* person.  I must add that i love to share my "triumphs" as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Hi Chris

 

Welcome

 

I am glad things are going in your direction now

 

Tracy

 

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Chris, glad to hear things have been going well. Welcome to Transpulse!

 

Hugs,

Marcie