Looking for advice please!,..I’m the father of a 12 year old boy who is showing strong signs of being trans.

[Eddie]

i Have a 12 year old son who is an amazing human being that makes me proud every day and I know he is having gender identity issues,..I am absolutely fine about this and it makes no difference to how I feel about him but I know he is reluctant to talk to me about this subject as I have tried to approach it a few times and he becomes agitated and uncomfortable,..i’m Hoping there is somebody out there that has experienced this from my sons side that can give me advice on how I can approach this better as I feel i could take a better angle at this,..he is a closed book sometimes and I need him to know that i want to help him through this,..any advice would be greatly appreciated,.thankyou.

[Dev]

Hi Eddie and welcome!

 

It almost sounds like this is something your son just isn't ready to confront yet.  Does he seem happy and well-adjusted otherwise?  At 12, there's plenty of time yet for him to figure out what he wants to do, if anything.

[Leo S.]

Honestly, I don't think there's much you can do apart from be there when and if they need you. You can't force people to open up, but you can give them time, love and acceptance.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Eddie,

If your child doesn't feel ready to talk yet, just make sure they understand that they can feel safe talking to you about anything. Tell them you love them no matter what. Sometimes you've just got to wait until they're ready. If you're making a big deal out of it, they may think there's a problem with it. The way you decribed their being like a closed book reminded me of myself around that time. I'm afraid that's about the best I can say. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[tracy_j]

I know from how I felt back then, and as a father that it is a very difficult time for many children of that age, and up into teens, without even considering trans issues. Take note of Timber Wolf's response. Be there. Be supportive without getting specific as this may raise barriers which are difficult to overcome. Keep an eye open for other external influences like bullying which may come at school. These days it is often less of a problem in many areas, but if you are aware then many schoolfriends will likely be too. Similar with online activities. Perhaps just be aware and open for external influences to be causing upset. I know my stepson used to get bullied (for other non trans reasons), and it was something we could not really get involved in because he was very  independant, but I think just being there for him made a major difference to his outlook,

 

Tracy

[Eddie]

Thankyou to all of you for your reply’s and advice,..it has genuinely helped to hear that i just need to be there for him if he needs me and to make sure he feels loved, I know that i’m doing that as it comes naturally,..I do have a bit of concern about the videos he watches on YouTube also,..he doesn’t realise that every video he watches i’m Able to see on the history as he watches through my profile,.almost every day he is watching videos labelled ‘boy changes into girl’ or ‘potion that turns you into a girl’,..etc,...i’m not sure if these are helping him with his identity or warping his view,..sorry to keep asking for advice but I would appreciate your opinions on this (again),thankyou!

[Dev]

It sounds like he's just starting to explore it for himself.  If that's the case, he'll likely want to have some firm idea in his head of where he wants to go with it before he brings it up with you.  The other thing to keep in mind is that it's a scary thing, realizing one is trans, so if that's what's going on he'll have to make peace with it in his own mind before looking for outside acceptance.

[Eddie]

Thankyou Dev,much appreciated.

[Charlize]

You are doing everything you can do Eddie.  Your child is fortunate to be able to explore sites that may help in answering gender questions.  This site purposely attempts to keep itself "clean" so children may find information without being drawn into the pornographic nature of some sites.  I don't know how you could suggest visiting us here.  I know my gender therapist suggested i visit this or another of the support sites.  She was happy when i told her i was helping as a mod here.  The help of others with shared experience can be very helpful.

How you can suggest that yourself is something i can't help with but you know your situation better than i.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Dev]

It's worth noting that our minimum age requirement is 13 years old, so your son will need to wait til his next birthday if he wants to explore things here.  https://www.mermaids.org.uk is a UK organization for gender-variant youth under 13 you may find helpful in the meantime.

[Kalyan]

Hi, It might be a bit late to reply, but I just wanted to say, everything's fine.

People around only mentioning the subject 'girls liking girls' made me super uncomfortable too back then. He'll just realize later, and you'll be there for him.

 

Just wanted to say, to me you're a very brave father, being so ready to accept him. I think we all need parents like you, and I'm sure your son will realize it, if he doesn't already.

I wish you the best of luck,

 

Kalyan