The road to surgery

[Guest Rachel Gia]

I had my first consultation with surgeon who will be doing my first surgery. It was a really nice experiance and everyone was incredibly helpful and supportive. The scenerio that will take place is a little different than I expected and more in line with what I would expect for something like this.

as mentioned in a different thread I have come out at work and my supervisors and dispatcher have been incredibly supportive and continue to be.

i thought I was feeling quite energetic today but after the consultation, one final test and booking a follow up appointment for my yearly, the tiredness hit me and I have just been loafing around the apartment along with eating some soup et al.

it I'll be a while until the surgery but I am also on a cancelation list which may afford me an earlier date if someone cancels, which Is not uncommon.

i should get out though as it is much too early to go to sleep.

i went to my first lunch with a man after an AA meeting and I would say as myself but I am always myself now. I was surprised at how comfortable I felt although I found it odd that he seemed to have lost interest in a lot of things like movies. 

I am driven by life's passions and artistic expression and although I seldom say it one of my passions is the understanding of mental illness and the problems and causes of depression.

i have never seen myself as being attracted to men but I sense that perhaps the assumption of a new role in life is changing my affinities.

i saw my former woman friend earlier yesterday but she is recovering from some setbacks and is still as emotionally unavailable as ever.

i saw some posts on a thread on a different forum and when someone talks about male sex drive and being Trans my experiance has been that after 18 months on t blockers and estrogen my sexuality or moreso the expression of my sexuality  bears little resemblance to what it was in the fall of 2016.

in short I am looking forward to my first Surgery and I quite enjoyed not being lonely and having lunch with a man albeit a gay man.

i won't say how sleepy I am because anyone who reads my post already knows how sleepy I am when I post.

much Love 

Rachel

 

[Charlize]

Get some rest dear. I remember how exhausted i was due to the stresses i felt at times throughout my transition.  There was so much to process from my gender to my sexual attraction and that wasn't including fears related to surgery.  I know from other non gender related surgery how even the thoughts of an upcoming surgical event causes me great stress.

Sounds like you had a wonderful lunch date.  Live is so interesting.  Rest and enjoy.  You'll get through this one day at a time!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Congratulations on having your first consultation.  Very exciting I'm sure.  I'm certain the emotion around the meeting was draining which is why you're tired.  So much information to process.   Certainly do ensure all your matters are in order in case that earlier date materializes.  I recall being offered a date that was too soon so I had to pass.  

 

I know from your other posts that you are a passionate and creative person.  I think that is a trait that binds many of us here, as you may have noticed.  I can say I do not understand depression despite it being my companion for many years. I never got involved with anything to mask it, instead burying myself in work and hobbies.  It would be wonderful to find a cure someday.  

 

Well, despite your lunch companion being gay, I'm sure it was a nice time to be out and about and way from the apartment, or work.  You can use these experiences to hone your new persona.  You don't want to be the same old person!  

 

Much love back at you!

Jani

 

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Thank you!

My sleep was interrupted by a call for me to gig tomorrow night by the fellow I share the open mic with. I took his spot despite it being my home group night.

My god always seems to deliver as I was wondering how to offset the time off at work for the doctors appointments.i saw it coming with him so my Yes to his request was practiced and the twelve hour of sleep I get tonight with be offset by the 5 hours tomorrow.

God and Higher Power are two differnt things for me seem to remain so .

Some people write off these occurances as coincidence but the frequency of their occurance motivates me to the conviction that writing off these manifestations of the order that surrounds would be a disservice to myself my relationship I enjoy with this order.

i will do as both of you suggested and get some rest and get my affairs in order so that if an earlier date for surgery is offered my Yes will be practiced and ready.

Rachel

[Cyndee]

The road to surgery is a long and complicated matter, so personal.

 

I hope your outcome is pleasing Rachel.

 

Best

 

Cynthia -

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Thank you Cynthia!

The time in between will be spent saving money so I can have more then 2 days off work.

The summer on Granville island for buskers should prove quite rewarding and my day job shows no signs of slowing down cash wise.

i will just put my trust in the process and keep connecting on this forum and at the AA meetings I attend.

i guess the big one will be when I am approved for cosmetic vulvaplasty and whether or not I will be able to go thru with that. 

Regardless I have been moving along with the approval requirements of that and regardless it has been most liberating. 

cheers

Rachel