Howdy

[MicahKj]

So uhh... stuff. I know I tried some trans site before but I guess I just wasn't in the place to really take this all in at the time. Was stuck in some mode of thinking for a long time that being trans wasn't a substitute worth living for being a "true" gender, and seeing others talk all about it just got me feeling more down and afraid of it. I think I'm finally starting to grow out of that, and having cornered myself out of knowing anyone else who's been through the same things and more is starting to seem more and more like a mistake. I still have a plenty of days that feel hopeless because there is no miracle chromosome cure for this stuff,  but I'm finally starting to be able to read about the topic with a level head, and actually feel it when people write about the humor or joy or triumphant parts in it and that trans are capable of finding happiness within what's available. 
I've never been any good at socializing, my unshy get-to-it moods are often brief and flipflop out faster than I can keep up with. Honestly people in any setting scare the crap out of me and the more I talk to them, the worse I end up feeling and I am so tired of it. It's probably going to take innumerable kicks up the arse to get myself to keep trying at the community thing, but atleast for the moment I really feel like it would be worth it.

[tracy_j]

Hi Geirmundi

 

Welcome

 

You will find lots of useful information here, along with new friends with similar feelings. Please don't hesitate to join in.

 

It's nice to meet you

 

Tracy x

 

 

[Charlize]

Welcome Geirmundi.  Please feel free to read and post.  I found during my time here that sharing with others has helped especially when they are folks who have gone through similar experiences. 

Your not alone in your feelings.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Hello Geirmundi.  Welcome to the forum.  I get that you are tired of it all and hopefully this will be the start of a change for you.  I wish you well.  Please join in to the conversation, asking questions or posting comments.  We'd like to hear from you.

 

Cheers, Jani

[MicahKj]

Good morning, I'm glad to meet you all. I hope so, too. Really looking forward to seeing how things go around the site. It's encouraging all on its own to see people just talk about this stuff with eachother like it's a completely normal thing to talk about. It's nice.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Geirmundi,

When I finally had to admit to myself that I was transgender, my reaction was like, "Oh no, I'm one of them. Now what do I do?" I've since learned that there is nothing wrong with being transgender. We are not bad people. In fact, I've found the people here to be very special people.

 

I'm naturally shy myself. I just push through it.

 

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[gennee]

Hi Geirmundi and welcome. I've been here a number of years and can say that you're not alone. There's some great people here and you can be yourself.

[MicahKj]

Ohello. Not really used to getting so many responses online, the friendliness is a nice feeling though. Seems like the more I hang around and see how people talk here, the more it certainly seems like no one's really alone. As for special people around, heck, I'll believe it, and I really hope to have bumped into them all someday.

I don't think I ever thought trans were bad people per se, I didn't really have any concept as a kid that it wasn't just normal behavior to begin with. I wasn't raised by someone who ever thought much about genders and she never bothered to explain why anything was treated like "right" or "wrong" for certain people or what trans even was, and the other kids certainly didn't explain anything to me. I think my problem with it was that when I finally figured out it wasn't "supposed to be" normal and ended up with a term for it to look up in early highschool, the first things I found on it were all just emotionless web articles about its technical meanings, surgical complications and shortfalls that made it sound like the goal HAS to be the impossible 200% biological transition, and that any way it could be treated or coped with was priced way out of any possible reach and had no hope of actually fully "fixing" the "problem". By the time I met another trans in school who could have set me straight on what those things actually meant, I'd gotten too pessimistic about it and set into that mindset to shut up and listen to a word he said or even try to understand the points he was trying to get across. Whenever I read other trans sounding happy, I'd just assume that they were in tragic denial of how badly life was kicking them around - I wasn't happy being trans so therefore they had to all be miserable too kind of mindset. I had kind of a chauvinistic take on it, I guess. Certainly happy to get out of that mode of thinking, anyway.
er, rambling a bit I guess, but eh. 

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Geirmundi, The emotions and feelings that you had are pretty much normal. I think we all go through a period of thinking that there is something wrong with us. I know that I would get mad at myself and bury clothes  only to dig them up a few days later. I kept telling myself that I was done pretending to be a girl, but she wouldn't go away. It took me 58 years to finally let Brandi out. I am now more at peace with myself than I ever was before. You are among friends here.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[Jennylynn]

Brandi is exactly right! I would build a wall around the way I felt and hide it away. Each time the wall was let down it got harder to build back up so I just quit trying to build it. I hope you find happiness here!

 

Hugs

Jenny