I have a strange question to ask....

[Cthorne]

Honestly I'm finding it difficult to word this post so if it doesn't make sense I'm sorry.

 

So I came out to my family like a month ago... I think.... It was valentine's day.... Anyways I've been to my local lgbt centre and had a great chat and my family have suddenly become super super supportive and they are like just be yourself but I gotta ask.... Does anyone else have a hard time not falling into old habits? I mean I act kinda girly (or as girly as I ever was) I mean like how I talk and act still.

 

OMG I am freaking out because when I was chatting to the nice trans guy at the centre I did the most annoying female squeal OF MY LIFE!!! He laughed but I was like 'no! Guys don't do that!' (In my head) And then I was on about how my brother makes me so happy and I wanted to hug him and thats so not guyish!

 

I was way more guyish before I told people... Whats wrong with me??? Am I alone in all this??

How do I stop it? 

[Jani]

Connor you've just recently come out so of course there will be a period of adjustment in your head and that of others.  It took me quite some time to fully accept that I was feminine.  Time has a way of changing that.  Also, where you end up on the spectrum is totally up to you.  How masculine or feminine you are is your choice.  No one that I know was able to throw a switch and magically change everything.  TL:DR  You're OK! 
 

Jani

[Cthorne]

Ok cool.... I gotta stop panicking so much 

[VickySGV]

Sounds like you expected a step where there was none, which is almost worse than tripping on one that is there.  We each have a different experience, and taking it one breath at a time is the best way because your experience will not be mine.  You have a decent life expectancy now, so don't try 40 years of living in a single week, 

[jae bear]

 I totally get it, don’t worry about it too much, happens to me all the time, sometimes I just get a big ole flip and have to  grunt and cheer like a guy, but honestly that’s really not me, just as much as the squeal wasnt you. It happens, so don’t worry too much about it...  you’re starting to live aa a male... and you haven’t really lived male for too long since you’re so young, but that will change with time, just enjoy yourself and who knows maybe your male self is just a little less male than some others, it really is up to you, gender expression and gender Identity don’t really go hand-in-hand, it’s whatever you want it to be. Just love yourself and give yourself time.  I lived as a male for 46 years and to be honest for the first 41 years after the age of five I did everything I could to be as manly as humanly possible, and everyone bought it, no one really guessed all that much, but then again my expression did come through and occasionally people would ask me if I was gay, which of course I’m not so it was a really hard thing for me to hear, but after a while I kept asking myself “why do people keep asking me this”?, but inside I knew why, I just didn’t know the exact difference between identity and expression. Your life is going to be unique and your own, so don’t judge yourself  by anyone else’s standards, maybe the boy you likes to squeal when excited, I know my grown nephews do constantly, and I think nothing of it as they’re quite  solidly male! I must also add that I’m super happy your family is being supportive, that really is quite important, and for you to allow yourself to just be you that is a solid excellent thing to have. I’m so happy for you!

Hugs,

Jae

[tracy_j]

I would say, don't worry at all. Many guys would love to hug, but they are afraid of not looking manly. In other cultures a hug is far more acceptable than the British reserve. It is sometimes tricky to decide when, but, in certain situations, it is readily acceptable. I find it interesting these days that more women shake hands, and men hug more. The overlap is becoming greater.

 

In time the squeal will likely go. You will gradually change, but, however you do, it is best to be yourself.

 

Tracy

[Cthorne]

Thanks for the replies and just so you know I have bookmarked this page so I can come back to it when I'm feeling down or panicky. Hopefully it will stop me from filling the whole forum with worried/scared threads. 

 

I feel so much better now after reading all these answers. 

 

Thanks 

[Jamie james]

As for me I am very fluid in my gender.       And for me hugs are very natural...   As my born male or my female side.       I love hugs.  

 

Hugs to you 

Jamie

[Charlize]

I've always been a physical person so before transition this "manly man", bearded, tough and appearing very masculine hugged relatives and friends without considering it at all strange.  He was also a "Chatty Kathy" and that certainly hasn't changed.

Enjoy yourself as yourself.  Now that i've had some time living as myself i still find some of his "manly" traits coming up, just as "female" traits had come up before.  I think we are all a bit of a mix.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Gwen]

I would embrace all of your impulses, especially those compelling you to be physical and warm with others - but be careful at the grocery store Showing fondness and affection is a gift. I try to offer it freely.

 

Gwen

[Ravin]

There is nothing wrong with hugging your brother, or with gushing about supportive family. Don't confuse gender with gender stereotypes. Not all men are the "strong silent" type. You don't have to adopt toxic expectations of masculinity. It 's okay to emote! Plenty of us like to talk. And odds are good that you won't keep squealing much after your voice breaks if you start HRT--you probably physically won't be able to!

 

 

[jae bear]

4 hours ago, Charlize said:

I've always been a physical person so before transition this "manly man", bearded, tough and appearing very masculine hugged relatives and friends without considering it at all strange.  He was also a "Chatty Kathy" and that certainly hasn't changed.

 I second this statement as well, might as well have written it myself, and I’m still known as a chatty Cathy, and I never thought anything of the name and I own it, I was just on the phone with my attorney and we talked about this and that, then other things, then everything, then you name it, and before we got off the phone she said youre sure are a chatty Cathy! I’ve heard this All my life and I don’t mind it one bit, it’s just me... I’m also known as the hugger in the office, at home, with friends, with family, I’ve hugged coworkers and clients, And it was always considered perfectly normal, so don’t worry about any of it just be yourself and if you’re a warm chatty person that likes to hug, then all the better... we need more people just like you!

Big Hug!

Jae

[Jani]

4 hours ago, Gwen said:

I would embrace all of your impulses, especially those compelling you to be physical and warm with others - but be careful at the grocery store Showing fondness and affection is a gift. I try to offer it freely.

 

This is good advise.  I have always been one to hug and kiss my son, even when he was older.  My dad would always hug me.  It's something I grew up with.  Nothing to be ashamed of.  

 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

I am now a chatty Cathy but that wasn't always the case. He didn't talk much, a real wallflower. I was very uncomfortable hugging but now I'm all about hugs!! The hormones are really doing a number on me! 

[Ravin]

Overall, I think a common denominator in our experiences described here may be that as you become more comfortable with yourself, you may stop worrying so much about what others think about every little thing. Early in transition, I had a tendency to overthink this stuff and it was exacerbated by my tendency to perfectionism. Perfectionism is the enemy of the good, though. Be yourself, whatever that is today. That's better than trying to be some image projected for the benefit of others.

[BrandiBri]

I agree wit Ravin, at first we tend to overcompensate because we just have to look right, act right, etc. After a while as transition becomes more routine and you become more comfortable with yourself you naturally stop worrying about the little things.

Just now, Ravin said:

Be yourself, whatever that is today.

[Cthorne]

Thanks folks  this is really great advice and I've been going to the centre a few times and its helping with the anxiety issues.

 

I've settled on a hair cut and I'm hopefully going shopping at some point next week, the guy at the centre said to just promise myself that I'll stay at least an hour, with the plan of having a look around. If I find something I like then that's good  No pressure.

 

And we both agree  Bow ties are cool! 

[Jani]

That's great.  Finding your own style will be fun.  

 

Jani

[jae bear]

 Awesome!!! have some fun and see what you can find, shopping is good for anyone!  I’m Still working on whatever style I think I have, but something tells me it has a distinct 80s vibe ...

Hugs,

Jae