great to be alive

[NIKY60435]

finally started transitioning in beginning of year

only taking herbal products and skin cream for breast enlargements

my wife doesn't know anything yet don't know how to come out

always wanted to do this still afraid of rejection

someday I hope to be in full bloom!!!!

cheers!!!

[MaryEllen]

Hello NIKY60435,

 

Welcome to TransPulse.   I wish you well on your transgender journey.  However I would caution you to be careful with the herbal hormones. You would have to take such vast amounts to see any breast enlargement that it would be toxic to your system. It would be far better to go the prescribed route and get your hormones from a doctor. I'm sure you wouldn't want to permanently injure yourself before you had a chance to be in full bloom.

 

MaryEllen

[NIKY60435]

just cant do prescription via my wife doesn't know anything yet, to afraid of the rejection that might follow. thanks for the comment definitely want to get to the final blossoming stage with out any problems.

[Jennylynn]

Welcome NIKY60435! Just my thoughts. This is a marathon not a Sprint. The effects of herbals really don't do much for the long term and can be dangerous. Your money may be better spent elsewhere like saving for a gender therapist or investing in wardrobe. We've all been in the position where we want things to happen right now but waiting and seeking out a professional will yield safer and better results. It will also be a whole lot easier to explain to your spouse how you feel than it will be to apologise when she gets suspicious and finds your pills. More times than not our spouses and significant others have more of a clue than we think they do. Please don't be afraid to ask us anything!

 

Hugs!

Jenny

[Charlize]

 Welcome Niky.  Please do be careful using any non prescription substances.  They are dangerous, generally ineffective and if they did work your wife would find out anyway.  

Glad you are here.

 Many of us here have opened up to our wives.  Spend some time reading and perhaps it's time to consider seeing a gender therapist.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Kirsten]

I applaud your decision to go through with this. It is a difficult thing to go through. But I think telling your wife is a necessity. Firstly because it will allow you to be monitored by doctors. And not hurt yourself. And secondly because lying to people close to us causes issues all their own. As I said this is a very difficult road. And if you are serious about it,  the secret will be out before you know it. And at that point the lies may outweigh everything else. You may find you’ll loose more than you would’ve had to if you were just honest. We all have had to share this with someone. Sometimes it ends badly. Sometimes it doesn’t though. But lies always end badly. 

I wish you the best in your journey wherever it leads you. But I hope that you’ll be honest with yourself and those close to you. 

 

[jae bear]

Hi Niky,

 Please do be careful with those herbals, they are not used for transitioning and are not effective at all... I was very scared to come out to my wife, but I managed to do it with the encouragement of the wonderful folks here on the forum. I encourage you to reach deep and be honest with yourself, I very much understand your fear, but your wife has always loved you and if you can be honest with her and not hide things from her it will be best for you both. I damaged my wife's trust by hiding everything from her for a year, but as changes started to become too noticeable I had to tell her, and it was very hard, but also the best thing I have done during my transition. We are all here to help and listen to you, you will find great strength and loving souls here. If you really wish to start transition you must tell your wife and then tell your doctor so you can begin the process the right way as well as the most effective way...

Hugs,

Jae

[Jani]

Hello Niky and welcome.  My friends have all mentioned herbals so I won't say anything more.  You may want to seek counseling if for nothing else than to put your mind at ease.  Finally coming to understanding yourself and trying to decide how to integrate the news into your family life is stressful.  I will chime in that coming clean with your spouse is critically important, for reasons of trust and so you can be a little more open.  Telling our loved ones is hard but we've all done it.  It is survivable.  Please join in the conversation.

 

Cheers, 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Niky. I agree with everyone here. My wife was not supportive and keeping my secret from her caused me to feel guilty and even ashamed of my self. Honesty is the best policy and your wife deserves and needs to know. Like everyone has already said, we've all been there and lived through it. 

3 hours ago, Jennylynn said:

This is a marathon not a Sprint.

Jenny is right, just take it one step at a time. Each step gets easier.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[jae bear]

Oh my gosh yes! how did I miss the therapy issue? I love my therapist and my appointment is tomorrow... this is just a treat to yourself girl, go get yourself a therapist, and a good one at that, you will enjoy every moment of it!

Hugs,

Jae

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Niky.  As you've seen, we care deeply about our members.  The journey to womanhood can be amazing and life-fulfilling.  I hope your journey is a great experience and brings you the happiness you seek.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Niky,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you came in!

 

The information I've heard on herbal hormones is that the biggest affect they usually have if any is to cause an unhealthy increase in body fat, and are harmful. It's always best to work with doctors with anything that's going to change our bodies. I know you want to change. There's not a person here who doesn't underatand and care.

 

I was taught early on to slow down and take my time to know myself. A lot of mistakes can be avoided or reduced along the way when we don't rush into things. In the long run we're better off. It also gives us time to deal with our fear in ways that we can handle. This is something that I've absolutely learned from experience; given time, we will be able to do things we never thought we'd have the courage to with help from our supporting friends here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

 

[DenimAndLace]

I'm sure you know your spouse well and your gut instinct IS very reliable ...but you might be pleasantly surprised @NIKY60435.  I've seen statistics that say about 50% of marriages survive the transition.  Those that don't often say there were underlying issues and transition was just the last straw.  So if your marriage is otherwise good, it may turn out better than you're expecting.  I suggest you read Jennifer Finney Boylan's book, She's Not There.  It was the first marriage that I knew of that survived transition but since then, I have personally met several whose marriages have survived and there are many on this forum who have also weathered the storm.  When I told MY spouse I am transgender, I thought for sure she would leave me (we were evangelical, fundamental, conservative christians).  Today, five years post transition, we are stronger than we EVER were.  It can be done even when you think it can't.  Best wishes.

[Guest Ade6589]

On 4/3/2018 at 4:24 PM, NIKY60435 said:

just cant do prescription via my wife doesn't know anything yet, to afraid of the rejection that might follow. thanks for the comment definitely want to get to the final blossoming stage with out any problems.

Hi their Nikki I’m Ade I’m currently married to a woman and inside I know I’m gay and that our marriage is not going to work for much longer

all though I’m one month in on hormones and my wife and kids don’t have a clue 

my gp is very supportive of my decision to hide this and has no reason to not keep me subscribed to hrt

my boobs are growing quickly and my hair is definitely getting thinner on my body I’ve gained a little weight on my hips and my legs are looking slender .

so my advice is to do what you feel and I guess if your like me u will become a fully fledged woman one day regardless when my marriage breaks down 

 

[Cyndee]

On 4/4/2018 at 4:47 PM, DenimAndLace said:

I'm sure you know your spouse well and your gut instinct IS very reliable ...but you might be pleasantly surprised @NIKY60435.  I've seen statistics that say about 50% of marriages survive the transition.  Those that don't often say there were underlying issues and transition was just the last straw.  So if your marriage is otherwise good, it may turn out better than you're expecting.  I suggest you read Jennifer Finney Boylan's book, She's Not There.  It was the first marriage that I knew of that survived transition but since then, I have personally met several whose marriages have survived and there are many on this forum who have also weathered the storm.  When I told MY spouse I am transgender, I thought for sure she would leave me (we were evangelical, fundamental, conservative christians).  Today, five years post transition, we are stronger than we EVER were.  It can be done even when you think it can't.  Best wishes.

 

The wisdom contained in that book by Jennifer Boylan is wonderful, so insightful, gave me all kinds of inspiration to deal with my own personal situation. I met and thanked her, and have bought other books by her, a very smart and entertaining lady. I will 2nd Demin above and say through some grace and honesty did our marriage survive today. I told my wife before we were married about myself, best I knew then (35 years ago) and that was one a best things I could have ever done in life, it was so hard, I knew long ago, that something about myself was different, I told her, and it's been "part of me" all through our relationship now. Today I look at transition as a form of human evolution, and as a couple we've evolved. Without that initial honesty, who knows now ?

 

Take care with your loved one(s), they deserve the very best.

 

Hugs

 

C -

 

[BrandiBri]

I agree that to hide it from your wife is a bad idea. Not only will it cause you great anxiety, guilt, and sometimes depression, but it will ultimately hurt her when she does find out. especially if it's by accident. Take it from one who " has been there, done that". My marriage survived for forty-six years in spite of the hurt, but the loss of trust really added to the guilt and shame I felt. btw she did not divorce me, she passed away in 2016. Please be honest with you wife, it will be better if she hears it from you rather than finding out on her own. My wife thought I was having an affair after finding one of my bras. I really don't wish that scenario on you.

Good luck on your journey, it will be full of ups and downs; just fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the ride!

 

Hugs,

Brandi 

[jo jo]

hun my marriage broke down due to wanting to change my wasnt atall supportive  so i have to folow it through on my own its a path ive decided to take maybe its sefish maybe its not but ive put it off too long and have to change x

[Daisy Mae]

I do agree with CyndiRae and BrandiBri that withholding this transition from your spouse now will only lead to more problems down the road. Your wife is going to find out eventually. It is going to happen. She live with you.If you are not upfront with her from the beginning it is only going to make the situation way more awkward to handle when she finds outs on her own.