Getting srs next month! Excited and nervous

[FluffyDiscoLayce]

I am 26 and have been on hormones for almost 5 years, and thanks to state medical programs funding surgeries and fighting to get on the list for over a year, I am literally first wave under Marci Bowers. I'm so hopeful but Im not sure if I know what Im getting into.

 

I've come to realize that after years of trying and experimenting with what works, I will never be able to get use to having male genitalia. It sticks out, feels foreign and uncomfortable. Makes it hard to walk when it moves (and it's not even big). Not to mention, using it for penetration sex feels really alien and unpleasant, and the only way I can even enjoy touching myself is by rubbing the base through my underwear (in circles, never up and down).

 

I could go into the surgery thinking a vagina will be better, but I've never really had one so I don't know. The thought of it SOUNDS much more comfortable than what I have now but what if it's not and I don't get used to that either. 

 

I've seen videos of the procedure and didn't flinch or cringe. I saw that my base sweet spots will still be accessible after, but the head gets fashioned into a clit?! This concerns me because it's an extremely uncomfortable feeling when ANYONE touches the head, and yes that includes me. What if I feel the same discomfort with the clit?

 

I've tried to ask trans friends about my concerns and they usually just give me vague responses like "I can't tell you. You can only decide that for yourself." it makes it extra confusing? Cause like what if I'm picking between something I know is absolute hell and something that might also be hell.

 

I'm not worried that I'm gonna miss my cumbersome crotch tumor one bit. I'm not. I'm really just worried if there's a chance I could be miserable either way. Am I overthinking this?

 

[MarcieMarie12]

I had Dr. Rumer, I would say that for me the clit is a wonderful new experience, it is nothing like the tip of a penis.  PM me if you want to know more, as the details take this from PG-13 to X rather quickly!! 

[FluffyDiscoLayce]

On 4/13/2018 at 3:05 PM, MaryMary said:

I cannot answer for you because everybody have a different body, I didn't have the same surgeon (I had Brassard from Montreal) and I know for a fact that the results change from people to people.

My sexuality changed a lot with both HRT and SRS. The zones that are effective have changed a lot. I'm very vaginal now and slowly i'm building up my knowledge of the clit itself. I'm not able to recognize anything from before so I don't feel unconfortable with anything. Being effective at pleasuring yourself is an art that takes time and experiments to discover. It will be a whole other world to discover for you afterward I think. I talked with another transgender woman who had the surgery with Brassard and the common ground we could find is the following : "we don'T feel like we gain something. We just feel normal, like it's always been there" And that in itself is priceless.

 

Since it's made by a human being I was very afraid afterward that it would be very gentle and I was very afraid of penetration at first. The good news is that, at least for me, it's very sturdy this thing I love my penetration harder I found out.

 

anyway. It's a very important surgery. You have a lot to lose if you like what you had before and a lot to discover if you are very dysphoric like me.  You can't overthink it.

 

My advice is : what you knew about your sexuality before? But that in the trash and expect to start anew. You will feel like a virgin again (afraid, uterly clueless and all) but it will improve and if you are like me at some point you will think on that whole surgery thing and thank God for it.

 

it's just my experience. It changes for everybody. Just to give you an idea now when I go in an hospital I often feel nostalgic about the whole thing. Feels like a chance to live what others take for granted.

 

Anyway, Mods, if that's too graphic feel free to delete

I wanna thank you for your response. I thought about it and talked with others and I realize that there's no point in asking myself if I will one day will be comfortable having a dick. Because I'm not and I should actually know what it's like having a sexual organ I like if it was meant to be but I don't.

 

It's kinda dumb cheating myself out of a vag just because I've never been comfortable with what's there now. I'm such an airhead! Also I'm only comfortable with my appendage if I feel like it's not there.

 

I'm also gloriously lucky that the one and only MARCI BOWERS is coming to Denver again and performing affordable surgeries just a mile or two away from my home for only five days and I'm scheduled in the middle. I can't miss this for the world! Surgery is this Wednesday... Wish me luck.. ❤️

[Jani]

Congratulations on your upcoming surgery.  I know you'll do well.  You're in good hands.

 

Jani

[FluffyDiscoLayce]

Thanks for your support everyone! I'm like 4 months post op right now and from what's usually described I'm doing well. While some things are immediately better and more comfortable having a vagina, some thing are a little complicated to adjust to. 

 

Peeing feels better, as does walking, running, exercising, etc. But the sexual aspect of it seems like the results may vary each time. MarciMarie, I can see you asked me to message you, but I am allowed to send 0 messages per day? Is this a permission thing??

 

I would go more in depth but I don't want to cross the lines here again. And I'm not sure how to talk about genital surgery without mentioning genitals or surgery.

[VickySGV]

This is  your fifth post and your PM feature should now be working. 

 

Congratulation on the surgery and it sounds like your results are very good.  I am 5 years  post-op and will give you a little warning that you could have some emotional ups and downs here in the next few months.  Don't let them scare you, it is just that we  put out so much energy getting our surgery, and then it hits us that we need something to fill the gap where all that energy was.  You will do fine though and life will become new and interesting, but in different ways.