Surgery

[Cindy Truheart]

Hey everyone, so I'm having surgery in a couple days and I'm frightened out of my mind. I've never had surgery before, I don't even let them knock me out when I go to the dentist and have teeth pulled. I'm having second thoughts about it, but I'm not sure why. It's a trachea shave and a partial FFS (forehead and hairline, plan to do the rest later as I can afford it). I can't stand to comb my hair back and when I'm not working I always wear a hat. When I'm at work I brush it forward so that it covers everything and it's long enough now to cover my eyes if I let it. I wear a scarf when I go out in public, I won't be seen without one. Even now, as I'm about to leave for my support group, I won't go without a scarf or a hat. Summer is coming though, and I want to go swimming or just be outside and active. And that's why I'm having these things done, because I can't go outside without a hat and a scarf.

 

Anyway, I'm fighting depression too, and I'm not entirely sure why. My Endo cut my E in half because it was WAY too high, now it's where it's supposed to be according to the doctors. But I took my injection Saturday and I'm already crashing. I won't take the next one for ten more days, but I'm crying and getting pi$$ed off for stupid things right now. I don't know anymore. I just don't feel right and getting them to re-test me is a pain. Well, I have to go. Hopefully I can keep it together for group tonight.

[SugarMagnolia]

Hey Cindy! Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. Surgery anxiety is rough, but not surprising. It's a pretty major event. Is it a specific part of the surgery you're worried about or lots of things?

I've not had FFS yet, but I have had a couple of other operations in which I was given general anesthesia (knocked out). My experiences have been really good. The doctors, nurses, surgeons, etc. I have had have been very good at making me feel comfortable and relaxed. The process of going under is also really quick and just like you hear: a couple of deep breaths, maybe count backwards or answer a quick question and the next thing you know you're waking up in recovery. 

Remember, too, that you're in control of this. If you get to the point where you decide you really don't want to do it, that's OK. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. 

Hang in there! I bet the group tonight will be really helpful.  And we're here for you!

Hugs,
Julie

[Jani]

You'll be fine.  Please try to relax a bit.  The trach shave may leave you a little hoarse and sore to swallow for a day but that's all. The area will be swollen and it will seem like nothing was done until is goes down.  The doctor will go as far as they can without impacting your vocal chords.  I can't speak to the FFS but you will be ok. 

 

It will take a little while for your body to adjust to a new dosage.  You'll have to come off the HRT when you have surgery but I found the time wasn't long enough to cause any issues.  When I re-started I had hot flashes for a day but that subsided soon.  

 

Enjoy your group tonight.

 

Jani 

[Cindy Truheart]

19 hours ago, SugarMagnolia said:

Is it a specific part of the surgery you're worried about or lots of things?

 

I'm just nervous in general I think. I'm not a fan of pain and I've had my fair share in life so I guess I'm expecting it to be worse since it's surgery. I'm also not a fan of doctors and hospitals. If it was up to me I'd only go see a doctor when I'm bleeding, even then I'd hesitate if I thought I could sew or glue it back together myself!

 

Being depressed has something to do with it as well. I know the test supposedly says that my E is at a normal level, but I feel like crying all the time. If it wasn't for the fact that my surgery is tomorrow I'd take one of my left over pills from before I got on the shot. But I don't want a blood clot! In doing my research on the subject, I think that I can say that my hormone levels aren't close to being right. However, I'm holding off making changes until after surgery.

 

20 hours ago, Jani said:

You'll have to come off the HRT when you have surgery but I found the time wasn't long enough to cause any issues. 

 

I found this on Dr. Marci Bower's website.

 

" The time-honored dogma for patients undergoing vaginoplasty is that estrogens increase the risk for blood clots and that all hormones must be discontinued. This suspension of hormones leaves patients moody, depressed, achy and overall not feeling well around the time of surgery. On the other hand, we do not stop hormones or birth control pills in natal women undergoing gynecologic surgery. My feeling is that those same rules can apply for our patient population so long as we drop doses as low as possible. Such has been our philosophy since 2003 without incident. We do not interfere with those who have already discontinued their HRT on the advice of their home physicians or specialists. Dropping the dose as low as possible 4 weeks prior to surgery is our current advice except in patients with higher risk."

 

My doctor didn't say anything to me about stopping HRT. But I'm pretty sure that I'm about as low as possible... If my levels got any lower I think I'd be going into menopause!

 

And then there's that part of my brain that keeps whispering, "Are you sure you aren't making a mistake? This is permanent you know. Are you really sure? Really, really, REALLY sure?"  I keep reminding myself how self conscious I am about my forehead and throat. It's become almost an obsession to make sure these things are covered before I go out into the world.

 

I don't know anymore. All I do know is that I'm going to have this surgery. The thought of canceling is worse to me than the thoughts of my pain, my doubt, or my depression. Now I just need to convince the rest of me to understand that and get my heart to slow back down!

 

Anyway, thanks for the kind words ladies. *hugs*

[Rachael]

Hopefully the surgery will go smoothly for you. Take a deep breath and keep your mind on the prize. Good luck 

[Jani]

39 minutes ago, Cindy Truheart said:

And then there's that part of my brain that keeps whispering, "Are you sure you aren't making a mistake? This is permanent you know. Are you really sure? Really, really, REALLY sure?" 

 

This is a natural response to what you are anticipating.  It will pass.  I was not nervous when I had trachea surgery , just relieved as it fixed one element that made me stand out.  I remember after I had GRS I was washing and I thought "What have I done!"  But it was one time only and then it was "what a relief, I'm done".   I am certain you are REALLY Sure!  

 

Relax.

Jani 

[DenimAndLace]

I can't speak to the FFS but I can tell you from experience the trachea shave is a piece of cake. Recovery was easy.  Pain was nil.  I took tylenol for a day or two.  The worst part was the big "face bra" that went under my chin and over my head. Just keep your eyes on the prize Cindy

[Jani]

1 hour ago, DenimAndLace said:

The worst part was the big "face bra"

That's interesting.  My doctor used a "glue" instead of stitches and I just had a cotton bandage for two days.  

 

I agree, "Just keep your eyes on the prize Cindy. "

 

Jani

[Cindy Truheart]

Sorry I'm just now getting back here, it's been crazy! But I thought I would update everyone on my surgery! I woke up the morning of my procedure beyond confident that I was making the right choice! It was like my head cleared and all the doubts and fears vanished. I marched in there ready to get on with it! Thanks for the support everyone! First picture is 4 days after surgery, second one is 1 month and 1 week after. I know you can't see much in the second one but I still have VERY faint shiners and the incision at my hairline is still red but scabbed over nicely.

[SugarMagnolia]

Good for you, Cindy! You look happy and lovely 

I'm glad to hear that you were confident right before the surgery. You were stressing a bit, which seems pretty normal, and it's good that you felt sure on the day. 

Looks like you're healing very well, too. How are you doing with recovery? Anything unexpected?

Hugs,
Julie

[Cindy Truheart]

I'm good for recovery now, but the Percoset they gave me had me puking up my toenails at first!! That's why I don't have an earlier picture from when the bandages came off! But I eventually got some Vicoden and all was good in the world again!

 

No complications though, just healing! I wish I could feel the top of my head! But otherwise, I'm doing good!

 

Love and light,

Cindy

[MarcieMarie12]

Oh when I realized the morphine was making me sick I knew not to touch the the other pain killers.

[Jani]

Congrats Cindy!   I can't stomach Percoset or Vicoden, plus they make my head spin.  I'm glad you found something that worked and that you are happy with the results.  Happiness cannot be over rated!  You look great.  

 

Jani

[Rachael]

It’s good to hear that you are recovering. Keep smiling. 

[Charlize]

You look great now but right after the operation it looks like you got into a bad fight.  even so you look very female. 

  I know that as an addict i have to be very careful with painkillers.  

 

Congratulations!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize