Am I enough

[Hendrix_Is_Petty]

I’ve been confused about myself my entire life and just now came to terms with the fact I am transgender.But once my dad found out he has become verbally abusive and says I’m not boy enough to be trans and that it’s just a phase.He has even told me nobody will love me if I’m trans.I am still trans even if I like flowers and bubble baths right?

[Jani]

Your dad is in shock now as he's afraid of losing the person he knows and he's afraid of what the changes will mean, i.e. struggles.  There is no such thing as not being trans enough.  Maybe some people who know you will no longer love you but you will find others.  You are still young with a long life ahead.  Your dad may eventually come around once he gets over his fears and sees your resolve.    BTW: There is nothing wrong with guys liking flowers and bubble baths!  

[Laura Beth]

There are many men who like flowers and plants of various types. They are called horticulturists to some extent and others are just plain old farmers. My dad would take house plants that my mom had tossed out because they weren't doing good and he would nurse them back to growing again. 

 

Laura Beth

[JJ]

You are still struggling with this and you know the feelings and have had a very long time to get used to it. Your Dad hasn't and it's overwhelming. People who are frightened and hurting strike out 

It also sounds like he has heard all the stereotypes and stories about trans people but not the realities about all the successful and well adjusted trans people out there.

It might help to start doing research you can share with him abut the realities of being a trans man. I've known hundreds of trans men from a here and a large site I am on and many are in good positive relationships. Many are married.

Early on it's actually hard to tell what you will feel at the end of the day but whatever it is, you will find cis men who like the same thing or do the same thing. We have been socialized from the cradle to make many choices in a female way. To like some things and not others. As you transition you will find some of that changing and evolving as you become more free, more yourself. But it's a very slow and natural evolution and actually you find you feel more comfortable. Transition is in reality only in a small part about appearance - it's far more about learning to express yourself inside. About body language and voice inflection and learning to be the kind of man you are.

One thing that you might share with your dad is that being trans is NOT a psychological problem but a physical condition. Both the AMA and APA now recognize that fact. Not a choice but a fact that cannot be changed. The studies have shown that not transitioning (which is still something each person must decide) has far more mental health risks than transitioning does. Particularly depression.

Give your dad time. Respect that he is hurting and that those feelings he is expressing are real for him. Respect doesn't mean agreement but that you acknowledge how he feels and accept that he feels it . You then work from there. You can't ever get someone to respect YOUR feelings by invalidating theirs.

This is a long hard process. There are no easy ways or shortcuts. Sometimes it's like being on a road somewhere that is great at the end but you have to go through the rough spots to get there.

I never knew life could feel so good. Never knew that I could be happy and at peace till I transitioned. It is worth the journey.

In the meantime there are people here who will listen and understand. It made all the difference for me when I transitioned 7 years ago.

Johnny