Men's Room?

[Charlize]

  Last night i was participating in a celebration party for a group i have belonged to for over 11 years.  It was held at a church gym with almost 100 people attending.  We had great food and some wonderful speakers.  i had a part in the program and dressed as well as i could for the occasion with a very colorful skirt that i love and a bit of makeup.  I sat a table with many wonderful women.  Some knew me and others certainly didn't.  

  At the end i busied myself in the cleanup, going from table to table picking up trash.  Soon i had my hands full of half consumed drink glasses.  Mmmm do i drop these in the garbage or empty them first.

Well the garbage cans were right next to the men's room.  The door was open so after a pause and with a hello i went in and dumped the glasses.  This act was repeated many times except once when the room was definitely occupied.  In a bit i met a good friend (a gay man) by the garbage can.  I told him about my trips to the men's room with a statement about how it had been 6 years since i'd gone into that room!  We had a good laugh and a short talk about the ladies rooms and how they were often invaded in the gay bars we had both once inhabited.  Funny to feel awkward in a mens room.   Life changes and goes on.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

  

[Cyndee]

Hi Charlize, it was always seemingly awkward for me going in that side before transition. I don't know what it was, I always avoided eye contact when I was in there, I avoided conversations, it was smelly and dank, you don't dare look at anybody for fear of seeing something you might regret ? It's like they post reading materials in some above the urinals to give their eyes something else to look at it, I know it's not just me, why this awkwardness ? By contrast, just last week I was in the field for my work, when I used the ladies at this office building, a older black woman came in and she saw me and our eyes met by the sinks, both with a warm smile, like it felt human to be there, forget about male / female, just human.

[Guest]

Just now, Charlize said:

 We had a good laugh and a short talk about the ladies rooms and how they were often invaded in the gay bars we had both once inhabited.  

  

 

That brings back memories.

 

When I was first fully out, my wife and I used to go to a very friendly gay and lesbian bar quite often.  No one cared who was using which restroom, and it all seemed quite natural.

[Guest]

Kind of funny Cyndi Rae, but your observation rings true with me too. Men never make eye contact with one another in the men's room, they rarely if ever speak, they just take care if business and leave, many don't even bother to wash their hands either..Ugh! 

 

Women will chatter and primp in front of the mirror if there is one. Being the androgynous (male?/female?) that I present as, I have escorted many a woman into the men's room and waited outside the stall while she goes when there is a lineup outside the woman's room. The men purposefully don't even acknowledge that it's happening, there is an interesting study for a psychologist in all that I'm sure.

[jae bear]

I hope I get to feel this way someday!

[VickySGV]

Even in my earliest days of transition, I actually was chased away from men's restrooms.  Here in CA in particular at LGBT events, all of the restrooms are designated Gender Neutral and it can be a real trip to watch people who are not used to the idea who look almost fearfully uncertain about which one to go into.  The men's rooms in those sites tend to be cleaner than usual, and the women's really no worse than usual.

 

At one Transgender event I went to, we were in a hotel convention center wing just one over from a HIGHLY Conservative religious group's wing.  Their restrooms were segregated and actually being policed by badge wearing monitors and signs for us in the Trans group that these were reserved for ONLY their attendees!  Our RR's were GN and it was funny to watch the folks from the restricted hall way sneaking over to where we were inspite of their police.  The number of men's suits going in to the nominal Women's room in our hall was a an absolute hoot. 

[SugarMagnolia]

That's funny, Vicky!

The CA state capitol has a single gender neutral bathroom that I was using yesterday. It also happened to be a day with just a TON of school groups. One of my two visits to the bathroom coincided with a large group of junior high kids curiously (and LOUDLY) checking out the fact that both the boys and girls could use the same facilities. 

It wasn't until I came out of the stalls that they realized yet another aspect of gender neutral bathrooms. I suppose that makes me and educator of sorts. ?

 

[VickySGV]

3 hours ago, SugarMagnolia said:

I suppose that makes me and educator of sorts. ?

 

Yes indeed!!  You are and it is easy for them to learn at that age. Actually though, what is lobbying other than education?  It is just that at the age you must be to be a legislator, you have made up your mind there is nothing more you can or need to learn.  GD actually counteracted that in my life though!!

[Moira Arista]

Yes it can be very nerve racking to use the bathroom when you're transgender either MtF or FtM. When I'm out I'm always happiest when there is a all gender or family bathroom. I remember the first time I despised being in a mens room. I realized I was standing in puddle of pee. Anyway. I feel that if there is only one toliet then all bathrooms that are like this should be All Gender. Case in point. I was was in desperate need of a potty while on the road to a function I was going to. I pulled off the road and streak for the bathrooms of a grocery super store. I beat an employee of the store to it by 30 seconds. I tried the door of the mens room to find someone was in it. As we waited 2 cis gender ladies exited and enter and exited the ladies room. In this time another man came up to us and asked the employee if there was another bathroom. The employee said yes at the back of the store. I began to think how stupid it was that we all had to wait. I had almost made up my mind to dash in to the ladies room and do my business when the door to mens room opened. On a funny side note, one thing I love is when I exit a male bathroom and a man going in to the restroom sees me exiting the restroom and has to Pause or back step to see if they're walking in to the right bathroom. This has happened to me a few times, it's hilarious.

[tracy_j]

Yes I have had that step back moment too This is usually at functions usually with old friends who see me as male. I did have an embarrasing moment yesterday though. I used the women's room in the mall in town, as usual. The exit to this to the main area is confusing, just plain white wall, and the men's is a similar corridoor. As I left on this occasion I half walked into the men's which brought a surprised expression  from a man at a urinal and, as I turned, I think a comment from another man, but I was so embarrassed I just fled ?

 

Tracy