Sometimes People Wonder

[Guest]

I find that sometimes other people look at me and I can planly see them wondering, does that man have boobs? Is it a male or one of those women becoming a male?  Or a male becoming a woman? I can see it, and you all know what I mean. That's how they think because they don't have the slightest idea about MtF, FtM, Non-Binaries or Androgyny. Thing is, I'm not required to fill in the blanks for them or explain myself either. I have been asked on occasion and I usually encourage them to take their best guess and then follow up with, "How about fellow human being, will that work for you?"

 

My wife and I were having a conversation with two young women out in front of our house the other day, they were obviously a lesbian couple. They were interested in a house close by that was for sale. I saw their eyes take darting glances at my chest, it's not flat like a man's and I was wearing a snug black T-shirt and women's jeans. I knew in an instant that they had read me with no trouble, a little later I asked them if they are married, they said yes. The next day they came and brought their two little boys and we exchanged phone numbers, we have some new friends that may become neighbors. We didn't question their sexual preferences and they didn't question my mixed gender proclivities, none of us do those things, we just instinctively know.

 

I thought this would be a good topic where we can share experiences and discuss ways we have learned to deal with the looks and sometimes unwanted comments of the CIS world around us.

[Jani]

Wonderful Marci!   And I love your retort, how about a fellow human...

 

Jani

[Guest]

I am a type A personality, so I have to sometimes bite my tongue and work at being pleasant with everyone. It doesn't serve our community well when we have a biting reply for something that was said out of ignorant curiosity. 

[Jani]

I was always a type A also but with age and estrogen I've mellowed out quite a bit.  I can still be snarky when called upon!   You're correct that its important to understand where the comment is coming from.  

 

Jani

[Guest]

The estrogen does tend to lean us a little closer to the B type as it takes the sharp edges off of us.

[Willow]

"Thing is, I'm not required to fill in the blanks for them or explain myself either. I have been asked on occasion and I usually encourage them to take their best guess and then follow up with, "How about fellow human being, will that work for you?"

 

I'm not there yet but I will definitely remember this for when I am.  Great advice!

 

Willow

 

 

[Guest]

Always best to politely put the onus on them to figure things out rather than being upset and go off on them with some snarky response. It's surprising how nice people can be when we don't come across all cringy, fearful and defensive. Many have had limited contact if any with trans folks of any stripe and you or I may be their first opportunity to form an opinion.

[SugarMagnolia]

Just now, Marci said:

Many have had limited contact if any with trans folks of any stripe and you or I may be their first opportunity to form an opinion.

This ?.

I've met so many people that tell me I'm the only transperson they know personally. And these are typically pretty liberal, educated folks in California. It's easy to forget how unusual this is for a lot of people even if they're supportive. 

It is not on us to educate others about being trans, but personal contact and connections can definitely win hearts and minds.

[Guest]

So true Sugar!

[jody]

i am male at birth and retain a basically male look{im 6"2 ) but i have developed by breasts and can tuck very convincingly. ive always had a rounded body..i now get the same.first look male then they study a bit and i get the what are you..my normal reply is ur wildest dream lol..i lie a little and say well the working bits are female the rest is a mixture. ive been so suprized the amount of people who like it..a lot of guys just say oh perfect lol..i like to keep them guessing..

[jae bear]

 What a fantastic outlook !  I can definitely take much for myself in this regard, I worry about things so much that I forget it’s not my problem it’s their problem. I have definitely given up worrying about what my chest looks like, and I notice the occasional glance or stare, but honestly I don’t think many people understand what they’re seeing, so many men do have rather large moobs  these days that it’s easy to blend back in in the male side of the crowd, however I’m not doing a very convincing job of it lately and it’s time for me to let go of full on male mode and let the androgyny begin. You know it’s rather funny, I have always portrayed a typical Type A even though I know I’ve never been one, I don’t know that I was terribly convincing as my work level probably never matched my perceived a persona, but the estrogen knocked that right out into a different place as I couldn’t even try to act like a type A and have anyone take me seriously anymore. But honestly I have no trouble with that, it’s just easier to be me if I allow them to understand who I really am. You have such grace and confidence,  and I know if I could manage to just pull myself together and have a little of that myself the world would perceive me so much better even if they don’t quite understand what they’re looking at. 

Hugs,

Jae

[Guest]

Jody, and Jae Bear, good comments from you both! Best part of non-binary, androgynous persona is that you can be the real you without much pretense, stress and surgeries and it just grows into who you are and have been all along.

[AJ]

Thanks for this thread...

I am non binary M2F, 5'11" 176lbs, with 38c breasts.

My femaleness should show more as I approach my goal of getting down into the mid 150 range.

Been on HRT for just over 6 months and I have recently noticed that the looks have started.

I love everything about being on HRT?

Could be my longer hair, lots of lost weight, changes to my face or all of those working to "out" me.

I am keeping my facial hair so that might be adding to the confusion...

Your thoughts will help me a lot if/when the actual questions start.

Thanks Again!

AJ

[Jani]

Hello AJ.  I see you're new here.  Welcome! As you are NB the feminine look with masculine attributes will be fine.  If you are asked, you can be honest (I'm NB and blending parts I love), snarky (lost my razor, or can't afford a haircut) or just say you're living as you desire, end of conversation!    I think precious few will ask anything to your face.  

 

Jani